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Post by liquidsword34 on Apr 4, 2013 18:38:34 GMT -5
The tense changing from past to present was quite jarring, and compounded with the lack of description made it hard to tell what was happening at times. The large number of rogues, too, is difficult to deal with. They don't stand out from each other enough, and we don't know about them. Them being heroic doesn't have much of an impact when we haven't seen them as villains enough.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2013 4:37:42 GMT -5
As others have said, the large number of Rogues, who aren't obviously separated from each other in terms of dialogue or any physical description makes it a little difficult. Reference to Mal...I forgot who Mal was, because there's like 11 people to keep track of.
The Dynamics between the Rogues are great. I think you handle them a lot better than you handle Barry. The dialogue I've pasted below is an example of that - it's very forced, very staid and I can't imagine a human saying this because it's so very expoistiony. I must reach my goal? Who says that?
"I have to slow down." Barry thought to himself. "I can't keep up this pace, but I feel like I have to go this direction. I need to reach my goal, but what is over there?"
Anyway, the Rogues are great but could do with some separation. Maybe you need to do an all Barry issue because I think you're focus on the Rogues, while great, means that Barry the 'hero' or the series doesn't have a voice, and is basically a plot device to have a hero rather than a character in his own right.
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jay
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Post by jay on Apr 30, 2013 9:20:15 GMT -5
^This is going to be addressed with the next issue. I hope this will be a bit more explained once it hits. There is going to be probably a scene or two of The Rogues but only to further a plot point for the next few issues.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on May 1, 2013 0:10:33 GMT -5
Well, I can at least be the first to review this!
There are quite a few spelling and grammar issues, enough to actually detract from the story. I know we both are last-minute posters so we'll see if I have any room to talk with my recent chapter. We both need to just get our chapters done earlier in the month so we have time for quality control.
I know life's been crazy for you. Hopefully you have enough time in the future to continue this.
I can't say I'm a big fan of the whole "turn back time" thing. It might have made more sense if the "alternate timeline" was only done from Flash's viewpoint.
In the beginning, when you're describing the Flash action sequences, you're sentences could use some better flavor. They're very cut and dry like you're reading from a basic English textbook. While mostly grammatically correct, they don't do service to the action scene at hand.
As usual the Rogues continue to be very well-written. Very sympathetic and fun characters. They're easily the best part of the story. Ironically, I'm noticing less spelling/grammar issues with the Rogue scenes than with the Flash scenes. I'm not sure what the reason behind that is unless you're just rushing through the Flash scenes.
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jay
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Post by jay on May 1, 2013 0:24:04 GMT -5
I honestly think it's more that my brain is trying to write it as if someone is not in control of what's going on, but that probably isn't working out to well. I caught a few of the errors after I posted and I'm going to edit right after my brain resets itself from working on a spanish paper again tonight after doing this. Soon I graduate which means a lot more free time hence the miniseries that will be going on to catch Flash back up with everyone else.
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Post by Stardrifter on May 4, 2013 11:54:50 GMT -5
Still waiting for the Flash to take center stage in his own series. The balance was a tiny bit better this time, but again we spent more time with the Rogues or people talking about Barry than with him.
I agree the Rogues are the best part so far. Part of me wonders if you really want to just write a Rogues series instead. Though the scene with Ralph and Henry was touching. Keep em coming.
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Post by liquidsword34 on May 6, 2013 7:57:06 GMT -5
I'm kind of hoping that once Barry wakes up he'll be the focus, because up until now it's just been the Rogues featuring The Flash instead of vice-versa.
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jay
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Post by jay on May 6, 2013 18:39:14 GMT -5
The next issue is going to be the most Barry centric. The Rogues miniseries I will do will fill in the timeline up till the modern time frame of the rest of the UDCU. I'm going to be reading through stuff from other people to help keep track of events to keep the timeline straight. Also if anyone needs or wants to borrow one of the bad guys let me know.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2013 12:49:45 GMT -5
If I may, could I make a suggestion?
I mean, obviously, the Rogues are where your heart is in this. They've received the Lions Share of the characterization at this point, as well as the issues. Perhaps you should consider the possibility of moving away from the Flash and more into the Rogues as your series? After all, it might work better and the Suicide Squad, for me, always lacked a certain sympathetic characteristic that made me want to read more. Even when it had Vixen in it.
To the issue itself - It needs more editing. Glaring Grammar issues, hey it happens, repetition of words that aren't needed and also tense swinging. To be honest, the Rogue bits are great, and the Flash bits are boring and don't seem to be what you want to write.
Ralph turns up with the Flash Drive to save Barry, but that's totally lost because he doesn't use it. Instead we get a very cliched moment with the Dad. You're still doing too much telling rather than showing, like it was a TV Program we're watching. Particularly when the Dad remembers something and stares off into the distance - dunno about you, but when I remember things, I tend not to have absent seizures when it happens.
It's good, the Rogues are the best bit, but it needs a bit more of a spit polish.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Jun 5, 2013 14:37:36 GMT -5
Short but sweet. The grammar wasn't perfect (I think more commas instead of full stops/periods would make the speech more fluid), but it actually felt like it had heart, if that makes sense, and I think that's pretty hard to pull off. Things like the conversation about killing, for example, were interesting and told us a lot about Barry as a character. The ending was also good set-up for the future.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 7, 2013 14:12:32 GMT -5
It was nice to get a Barry issue. There were lots of error, and I understand you have a lot going on, but I really wish you could spend more time on the issues. You have some great ideas, just some sloppy execution. But I am enjoying it. Keep em coming.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jun 10, 2013 16:08:33 GMT -5
Okay, caught up. Man, I missed a lot of issues. Anyway, I am enjoying the series though it could use some more as everyone else mentioned. Not lot to say since there has already been a lot of talk on the issues I missed. I will say that my opinion on issue 6 is more along liquid's opinion. 7.5/10 for issue 3-6.
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