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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 11, 2013 23:15:54 GMT -5
First off: "Seeing the jig is up"
I had a hard time taking everything following that seriously.
Overall, the writing for both issues felt incredibly stiff and awkward plus I couldn't keep track of the locations half the time after the hurricane. I get that it was an origin for both issues but there wasn't a good ratio to the action/exposition. The dialogue and character interaction was up to par as usual for you. And it's refreshing to see an ultimate origin that is new but not.
Especially after all... the... other....Ultimate Aquamans.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 12, 2013 22:24:26 GMT -5
#2 is up!
It's a slow burn right now. More character stuff than action. I promise the action is coming up next issue. Let me know what you think.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Feb 14, 2013 2:05:51 GMT -5
Okay, here is my second attempt at a review. I have nothing new add beyond that it was a great issue. Especially the Doctor Jones and Francine part. The moment Jone's first name was revealed, I knew what was going to happen next and beyond. Thank you Young Justice for not leaving me ignorant of some DC characters. Also, I agree with MRP about the beer thing. 9/10 because it was hard to get into at first some reason. I will read #2 now and then catch up everywhere else. Dear lord, I have a lot of catching up to do!
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Feb 15, 2013 1:27:37 GMT -5
Another fantastic issue. Great chemistry between Arthur and Jenna. Plus, for once I am not bugged by the hero's identity being exposed to others so early. For some reason, I feel as though it should always be way into the series before the hero's identity/having super powers is revealed to his friends. Psimon's scene was also great and I still consider him a threat depsite what happens to him. After all, he is still confused and is obviously becoming possessed. Once he gets used to his new everything, he will become a deadly foe. Hell, he already flipped over a car. Nothing says "This guy is dangerous" other than having a person flip over a car with ease. 9.8/10 Because I am not comfortable with giving out 10/10. Why? Because that means that what was given that much is perfect and I might come back and find something else at fault.
Edit: 9/10 because after some thought, it doesn't deserve such a high rating. Yeah, it was great, but it was not as fantastic as something like your latest issues of Demon Knights. But hey, 9/10 is still a good number.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Feb 16, 2013 17:11:06 GMT -5
I get that it's set-up, but things do seem to be moving along quite slowly. It's well written and all, of course, and I like the characters I guess, but compared to say Demon Knights things are moving very slow.
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Post by Drake on Feb 16, 2013 17:50:33 GMT -5
Wow...I just realized I haven't reviewed number 2 yet. Well, here goes.
It was good, the usual "you." But it's slow. Really, really slow. I'm definitely invested in the characters but I can't say I'm particularly excited about the future. It's you, so of course there's a little bit of excitement, but it isn't what I'm looking for, particularly not in a superhero story. It's very reminiscent of Smallville (the better, first half of it) and that's not a bad thing. It's just really slow. I think this chapter was a definite step down from your last two, if only because things moved so slowly and not much happened.
6.5/10. I don't know...the slowness just isn't working with me. Sorry, man. Maybe it's because of how fast-paced and awesome DK is. I'm still reading, and I expect more, but for now it's just...eh. (Not meh. It's too well written for 'meh.')
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 16, 2013 19:55:36 GMT -5
So, if I understand you correctly, you think it's slow? I understand. I'm trying something different and trying to make interesting drama and characters that can sustain a story without needing action. I'm sorry if I'm failing. But next issue is going to be lots of action. As I've said elsewhere, the road to Atlantis is going to be a bit still. So I hope things will become interesting enough for you guys in the meantime.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 24, 2013 16:40:00 GMT -5
#3 is up! And so ends the first arc. Thank you to those who have offered feedback. I very much appreciate it, good or bad. Keep it coming.
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Post by Drake on Feb 24, 2013 17:55:37 GMT -5
Ookay. This is what I wanted. Much, much faster paced. But I do have a real issue with this er, issue. Why the heck did the cop react the way he did? Yes, we know Simon's a baddie, but he didn't. Other than that guy's word, he wouldn't know. It just seemed unnatural and odd. Whatever. Maybe it's just me. 8/10.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Feb 24, 2013 18:12:40 GMT -5
I think he heard reports from several citizens of how he was throwing cars (Did he throw a car in issue two with his mind? I think he did, at least did something to a car. And no, I am not mixing up the ending of issue 1 where he flipped the car that Arthur and crew were in) and stuff like that. It was implied that the cop heard strange stuff about Simon at the very least and wasn't taking any chances. Although, the cop's actions might have been overexaggerated. Anyway, very good stuff although I realized that I gave too high of a score for issue #2. I say that because I am giving a lower score than the one I gave originally to issue 2. 9/10 for this issue.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 24, 2013 18:29:11 GMT -5
The officers nervousness was based on two things. The reports from the scene and, I was trying to imply, just how strange and off putting Simon was. I can see what you mean about it maybe being too much. If it makes it any better, imagine he was 2 weeks from retirement.
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Post by Drake on Feb 24, 2013 18:36:53 GMT -5
OK. I still feel it was a bit over exaggerated, but it wasn't a big deal.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Feb 24, 2013 19:20:13 GMT -5
I think more could have been done to make Simon seem creepy within the prose, which would've helped justify the cops reaction. It didn't feel like that much of an over-exaggeration to me though.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 25, 2013 13:49:47 GMT -5
Good solid issue. I couldn't find much fault with it.
I guess the only thing that seemed off to me was that for a moment it seemed Arthur had a personality shift. In the previous issue he was aloof, serious, mature, and responsible. But when his Dad came around he was almost goofy. On the one hand, I suppose it should make the character seem more human and three-dimensional, but for some reason I can't explain, he came off as a completely different character. I think some of the NPC's could have used a bit better characterization as well. Maybe it's just that this issue didn't do as good of a job humanizing the characters as the previous ones. Then again, it could be that I'm just overthinking and reading too quickly.
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Post by buck on Feb 26, 2013 0:08:32 GMT -5
Interesting conclusion of the first arc. I'm really enjoying your Arthur and his interactions with Thomas and Jenna were solid. I felt Simon was suitably creepy and I'm intrigued to see rather he comes back or not now. Overall a solid start to the series can't wait to see the race to Atlantis.
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Post by adrini on Feb 27, 2013 22:44:18 GMT -5
You are building Aquaman up as a man who lives in and loves both world, which is a really important thing in the later story lines. The early writing is abit slow, which is reasonable when beginning a story. By chapter 3 it's much smoother. When you are building up both action and a certain personality profile it can take time, but needs to be done if future actions and choices are going to make sense. I assume it can be done better but as I am as much of an amateur as you are I couldn't really tell you how.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2013 18:22:22 GMT -5
Hello all, I am back and in the way again. Here are some reviews of Aquaman so far - #0 - I was once told never to start anything, not a short story, not a novel with the weather. So, ignoring that...I enjoyed you building Thomas up a little bit. For my own opinion, it always seems as though Aquaman's problem doesn't necessarily come from being boring (I don't think he's a boring character at all) but his sense of history and supporting cast always felt lacking. To develop his Dad, to see where he comes from is a good starting point, if you ask me. I have to say, I got slightly confused by the change from Thomas to Tom in the narrative. Seemed to familiar considering we were introduced to Thomas, and then without any softening, he was called Tom. I thought he was a different character - I'd stick to one or the other. I like that we're treated to the possibility that perhaps Thomas wasn't as squeaky clean as we'd been shown in previous incarnations, and that Arthur's telepathy isn't related JUST to fish life. I'm slightly curious at this point as to whether we're going to get a more traditional Aquaman at the end, or if this is a somewhere more...Spider-Manesque Aquaman. Over all, it's quite a nice point of origin. I'm interested to see where this goes. Lots of little scenes - I think it's a good way to structure a #0 issue but perhaps not a full issue. Especially if you're going to be trying to build characters and relationships. #1 - Again. See previous comment about the weather... I have to say, while I don't know much about this American tradition of graduation (aside from what's on TV and that..) I can totally relate to Arthur and the whole drunk girl thing. I like that the defining moment for his school career wasn't being on the football team or popular it was being telepathic for the first time. I think it adds that certain...aloofness that Aquaman has. Ah, one sentence pulled me out - not sure if it is the connotations or whatever but...Spastic attitude? Not sure I like that, and along with the description of him being a clown the spastic comment isn't really needed. Someone said they're familiar with 'Doctor Jones' from Young Justice, but i think I know him from somewhere else - at any rate, looking forward to seeing him become a villain. Interesting first choice. Glad we're not going for Sword of Atlantis, or Black Manta yet. That treads some original ground, especially considering you building up Arthur's telepathy a bit more. This is certainly going in an unusual direction. Another thing that pulled me out this issue was your choice to direct the reader directly in the narrative with 'it's not unusual for Brian and Jenna to stay the night.' Seemed less like it's part of the story and more like you're just telling us to stop us asking questions. Anyway...Action! I like that. We're taken from domestic banality into a car flipped end over end and into the ocean. Time for superheroes! Pretty well done as well, although I reckon Brian would have been violently ejected from the car if it went end over end and into the ocean - chances are the windows would have shattered. But it's fiction, so...we're allowed things like this! #2 - Ah, issue two. It was going so well. No weather to start with...I like the interaction with the cast so far. It feels genuine, which is something that doesn't necessarily always come across. There is chemistry between the characters, and it feels real. History, too. Which is great. History is something that is rarely used in these sort of things - although, I'm still not entirely sure what Jenna looks like. Or Brian. But, oh well. There are some leaps of logic - I get that superheroes are turning up, but for that Hipster lady to suddenly look at Dr Jones and go 'Hey! You're doing this!' is a bit of a leap. In fact, that whole scene, while a great twist on things seems a bit...contrived. The fight? I mean Jeff got lobbed in the air and across the road, enough for a car to crash and he just tackles the Dr Jones after he got punched by his girlfriend? Why isn't the Police Officer running over to the guy in the crashed car instead of dealing with a hipster smacking a bald guy about? It feels a little hurried, considering how well the rest of the issue played out. #3 - Interesting issue. I don't feel like this is the last we've seen of Simon. Or at least I hope not. Bit to easy to defeat him, and actually, his defeat is slightly worrying for Aquaman. I get that there is a battle, Aquaman encountering some resistance, and we get to see the limitations of his abilities compared to the growing powers of Simon. I have a few questions, like how being smacked about with fists and with objects had little effect because of the Telekinetic force, but a tranq dark knocks him out immediately and gets through that field? It's also kind of worrying that Aquaman's first nemesis isn't taken out by the hero himself. I realize that to see the hero triumphant each time would be seriously boring but if it becomes a more common occurrence then it takes away from the hero themselves and becomes more like a place holder for someone more competent to take over. I know he's a trainee hero currently, so maybe in the next installment he will break the villain, but this rescue just leaves me wondering/worried about the future for him. I do have one question - when is all this set? Is it late 90's-early 00's. The references to music like, Blur and Greenday...I don't think kids listen to that stuff now, but we did when I was younger. (How is this real life when I am referring to Kids as a foreign thing to my own demographic...) Anyway, looking forward to #4 and beyond!
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 13, 2013 20:52:24 GMT -5
I guess the only thing that seemed off to me was that for a moment it seemed Arthur had a personality shift. In the previous issue he was aloof, serious, mature, and responsible. But when his Dad came around he was almost goofy. On the one hand, I suppose it should make the character seem more human and three-dimensional, but for some reason I can't explain, he came off as a completely different character. Is a person always goofy? Or always serious? We all have different moods depending on the situation. You're not a different person because one day you're sad and quiet and the next, when you feel better, you're loud and goofy. although, I'm still not entirely sure what Jenna looks like. Or Brian. But, oh well. I try not to paint too specific a picture of my characters in the prose unless there's something specific that's important in some way, i.e. a scar or some such. I forget what writer it was, but when I was a teenager I remember reading an interview where a writer said he doesn't like to get too specific on appearances because it lets the reader fill in the blanks as they see fit. If you tell the reader a character is beautiful and has certain color hair and eyes, the reader will fill in their own version of beauty in their head. If you tell the reader a character is beautiful and get specific on the appearance, well that might not be what the reader considers beautiful. That said, the Secret Files show specifically what I have in mind when I'm writing. #3 - Interesting issue. I don't feel like this is the last we've seen of Simon. Or at least I hope not. Bit to easy to defeat him, and actually, his defeat is slightly worrying for Aquaman. I get that there is a battle, Aquaman encountering some resistance, and we get to see the limitations of his abilities compared to the growing powers of Simon. I have a few questions, like how being smacked about with fists and with objects had little effect because of the Telekinetic force, but a tranq dark knocks him out immediately and gets through that field? This may have been a failing on my part. I thought I'd made it clear that Psimon's shield was dependent on some level of concentration from him. When he was tranqed, all his focus was on trying to beat Arthur's mental defenses. It's also kind of worrying that Aquaman's first nemesis isn't taken out by the hero himself. I realize that to see the hero triumphant each time would be seriously boring but if it becomes a more common occurrence then it takes away from the hero themselves and becomes more like a place holder for someone more competent to take over. I know he's a trainee hero currently, so maybe in the next installment he will break the villain, but this rescue just leaves me wondering/worried about the future for him. He's not a hero yet. And considering this is his first ever super fight, he did pretty damn well I'd say. But no it won't become a pattern of him being bailed out. I do have one question - when is all this set? Is it late 90's-early 00's. The references to music like, Blur and Greenday...I don't think kids listen to that stuff now, but we did when I was younger. (How is this real life when I am referring to Kids as a foreign thing to my own demographic...) It's never explicitly said, but in #1 I mention the teens being the Class of '07. I've made a point of the references being timely, or within the time frame they'd have been into them.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 5:24:00 GMT -5
I try not to paint too specific a picture of my characters in the prose unless there's something specific that's important in some way, i.e. a scar or some such. I forget what writer it was, but when I was a teenager I remember reading an interview where a writer said he doesn't like to get too specific on appearances because it lets the reader fill in the blanks as they see fit. If you tell the reader a character is beautiful and has certain color hair and eyes, the reader will fill in their own version of beauty in their head. If you tell the reader a character is beautiful and get specific on the appearance, well that might not be what the reader considers beautiful.
That said, the Secret Files show specifically what I have in mind when I'm writing.
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Fair enough about the Secret Files - It's not necessarily a luxury that other writers of prose etc have. If we have a sort of visual aid, like in comics, that's fine.
I understand what you mean about telling the reader the character is beautiful, because beauty is different for every person. However, what I mean is more specific details, like build and hair colour and height and that sort of thing. I don't have any sense proportions or anything. I know that Jenna is slim and has glasses, but I have no idea of hair colour, eye colour etc. It's not necessarily a big deal, and I do get that you want readers to build their own view of the character - I've just got no view at the moment.
Obviously, that whole process is a lot more contrived and difficult when it's first person point of view as well, but this isn't, so I don't even know why I'm mentioning it...
Did people listen to Greenday and Blur in '07? Not questioning that, I just didn't think they were particularly lasting bands. Still, personal taste and all that. (Not to mention by lack of coolness)
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 15, 2013 7:18:22 GMT -5
It is stated in #1 that she is a brunette. But fair enough on the eye color and height.
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