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Post by unchartedfan1 on Oct 31, 2012 15:49:58 GMT -5
Don't miss Superman #2, coming this November...
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Nov 1, 2012 17:26:49 GMT -5
Superman Issue #2: Bleeding Point is up.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Nov 1, 2012 18:45:21 GMT -5
Just some thoughts:
- I like the cult idea.
- Zod was presented as being intimidating, without giving too much away about him.
- The POV changed from 3rd person, to 1st person, back to 3rd person, with no explanation. It threw me off quite a lot.
- There were two female character in the entire issue. Lex's assistent has one line of description, in which she's described as wearing "slutty blouses". Cat didn't really do much aside from just...be there. What she said and did didn't add anything to her or her character. There's a point where it just seems misogynistic, to be honest.
- The spelling mistakes/typos were numerous and quite off putting. I'm not sure how much proof reading was done but I'd suggest next time checking a few more times. There weren't any simple spelling mistakes which wouldn't be caught by a spell checker, but lots of homophones or the wrong word being used (Head instead of heat, for example).
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Post by Stardrifter on Nov 1, 2012 23:09:14 GMT -5
While I can say you fixed the tone issues with this issue, a whole host of others cropped up.
1. The aforementioned typos and changed from third, first, to third person.
2. The action was very disorienting and made little sense. Why did Superman attack Steel? He's in the middle of fighting a hostile alien when Steel shows up to HELP, and suddenly Superman attacks him for no reason? WTF?
3. How does Steel know the King's name? Why are the aliens looking to free the king when the king is free? Why do the aliens just leave when they're kicking Superman's ass? I just don't understand what is going on at all.
Not trying to be a jerk. I just really don't understand what's going on. I think you could have really used some time going over the issue and editing it.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Nov 1, 2012 23:19:58 GMT -5
Well the stuff with the King and releasing the King and how Steel knows the King's name will be explained later. Keep in mind this isn't even half-way through the story arc. As for Superman attacking Steel...I thought I made that clear. I'll have to look over it and see how I can groom that out in the third issue.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 2, 2012 10:26:46 GMT -5
This is definitely an improvement to the last chapter. Superman felt a little more like Superman, Lex Luthor got some nice development, and even the aliens and Steel were done well.
I will say the typos are an issue, and I would recommend a proofreader just to catch those. And I'm not sure if the third-to-first-to-third person view was intentional, but if it was, it was handled kind of awkwardly.
The gore was toned down, but still a bit much than I think is necessary. I got the feeling of an anime or horror flick where characters spew way more blood than could physically be in their body.
...And another slutty-dressed female character. At least you have a decent reason why she might doll herself up, though that was more of a tell-not-show issue.
Overall, I want to stress that the story is definitely improving. Keep it up!
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Nov 2, 2012 10:58:52 GMT -5
For everyone's concern on my third-to-first-to-third thing...I owuld love to say I did it on purpose but, sadly, I did not.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Nov 2, 2012 23:15:26 GMT -5
I didn't like this issue very much. Though the ending was cool. My complaints are already voiced by others. The only good thing I see is Superman being more like Superman (Except for when he attacked Steel. I kind of get the idea why he did that, but I don't see how Steel was doing more damage than good) and Lex was cooler. But the bad just outweighed the good this time. 6.5/10
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Post by buck on Nov 4, 2012 10:51:41 GMT -5
I felt overall the issue was a step down from the first issue. The portrayals of females continues to be an issue for you in this issue I'd definitely try to make it a focus in future issues to flesh these characters out and make them more then just slutty and sexy. Action was really awkward and felt like you we're trying to do too much to fast. My biggest issue is your introducing characters so fast I really don't have a feel for who Superman is.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Nov 18, 2012 19:02:44 GMT -5
Issue #3: Here comes LANA! And Zod?
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Nov 19, 2012 19:06:11 GMT -5
Issue #3 is up! I sincerely hope you guys enjoy.
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Post by Stardrifter on Nov 20, 2012 13:43:32 GMT -5
I'm not feeling this issue. It wasnt bad, but I just don't understand the direction youre going. It feels like the plot is just wandering aimlessly.
The scenes with Lana and Clark were awkward. While I'm glad your description of Lana was more tasteful, she still came across as kind of a bitch. Her big speech to Clark was rather strangely worded too.
Lastly, was calling him "the Superman" intentional?
Anyway, besides the plot its mostly minor issues. But after all the confusion and questions from last issue, this issue just stopped the plot dead in it's tracks.
Keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 20, 2012 15:42:39 GMT -5
I'm not sure if I would call this "Edited by" myself. I only offered some pointers on how to improve the story, and it was only one read-through. Hardly a full edit. It's better than the original draft, but there are still quite a few problems that I mentioned before. I like the intro, and while you do go into more detail about the setting shift, it still raises far more questions than it answers, specifically "What does any of this has to do with the plot?" Lana's a little better than before. She doesn't come off quite as rude, though still a bit crude. You still rush very quickly through a lot of exposition at the end there. I actually really like the scene with Emil and Ultra. Once again, raises more questions than it answers, but at least the relevance to the plot is there. There's still a few typos to work out, some that I don't think were there in the draft you sent me but I'd have to check. This whole story started off rocky but is gradually improving, so I still have hopes.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Nov 20, 2012 20:24:23 GMT -5
Better than last issue, but didn't wow me. The intro kind of took me out of it, but only for a second. Conversation between Emil And Ultra was the highlight here for me. Superman and Lana...it varied throughout the issue. Some typing errors, but everyone has that. 6.9/10.0
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Post by liquidsword34 on Nov 20, 2012 22:10:34 GMT -5
I'm...was this issue #4 and you posted it by mistake? At the end of #2 it says:
"NEXT ISSUE!:
Who is Steel? And what is Lex’s beef with his father?
All this and MORE next issue!"
None of this was addressed. Last issue aliens turned up talking about freeing their king and eating people, Steel attacked Superman and Lex and his dad had an argument. It seems like a load of stuff has just been skipped over.
This issue we've got Bizarro world (I think), some guy called Ultra whom we know almost nothing about (He's meeting this guy Emil who you've mentioned before, he has an underground lair and he has a "British accent", which ranges from an upper class refined accent to Grant Morrison's hard to understand Scottish accent so even that doesn't tell us anything really) and stuff to do with Lana.
We get some stuff about Emil but it doesn't lead to anything, just some stuff about how Lex "screwed him over", for example. The Zibarro stuff didn't seem to have any relevance to what is going on at all. The supporting characters introduced before (Lois, Perry, Cat) are mentioned at most but ignored in exchange for one long scene with Lana. It just seems like a load of stuff which doesn't connect to anything at all for the sake of it being there. Having lots of plot points and characters doesn't work when they're just thrown around willy nilly with little care and attention. I'm completely lost as to what the Bizarro stuff means, what is happening with Lex and his dad, why Steel was in the last issue, who "Ultra" is, what Zod is doing and why Lana suddenly shows up just to call Clark a prick.
I don't mean to sound overly negative but as far as the plot goes I'm 100% confused here.
The actual writing itself was much better this time and there were far less proof reading errors which helped make it an easier read.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Nov 20, 2012 22:41:29 GMT -5
@liquidsword: I actually decided to address that in Issue #4 as a last minute thing. Sorry about that, but you can look forward to those issues addressed in Issue #4.
Also, I am setting up a lot of questions that will begin to be answered in in large in Issue #5/6 with new answers every issue or so.
A little teaser for future issues to address your questions:
#5: What is Steel's purpose/motivation? #6: Who is Steel? #7: What is Lex's motivation? #8: Who is the aliens' true King?
Just so you have something to be looking forward too.
But as for the issue that you MUST tune into if you want ALL of your remaining questions answered will be #13. I'll leave it at that though.
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Post by jackalope on Dec 15, 2012 8:49:57 GMT -5
I kind of enjoy the weird direction you're taking this title, interesting take on the Bizarros and now plural Zibarros. I like the flashes to the ominous Emperor Zod. The thing I'm finding hard to enjoy is the characters surrounding Clark. When I read the dialogue, and imagine them in my mind, they seem like people I wouldn't want to hang around, it might just be a tone thing. Anyway, keep up your strange saga.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 16, 2012 15:16:56 GMT -5
Finally got back around to writing after some computer issues, hope to have #4 out before Christmas.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 16, 2012 15:23:12 GMT -5
That's the teaser for this issue.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 16, 2012 23:28:47 GMT -5
Issue #4 is up, I hope you guys like chapter for in The Men of Steel sequence.
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