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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Dec 17, 2012 22:40:25 GMT -5
Holy crap, this is an improvement! Although your teaser doesn't seem to have any resemblance to the actual chapter. Anyway, Lex Luthor is actually kind of easy to sympathize with. Although I don't know if that was intentional or not. I had doubts at the start, but when Steel came in, I was sucked in. The one of the few thing I didn't like (Which is only by looking back that I noticed this) was that there was no Superman in this chapter. But then again, it would be kind of hard to bring him in. Zod is very menacing despite appearing for a short time, and I like the reference to Ex Machnia. Though I wonder, is this set after that story since? Seems to be so. 7.8/10 Because it was a little short and was a little rocky in the beginning and had seemed like more of a Lex Luthor issue than a Superman one.
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 18, 2012 14:18:56 GMT -5
The good:
I liked the connections with Ex Machina. I felt the issue was structured well and easy to read. It finally felt like things were getting done. Your take on Steel us interesting.
The bad:
Even though it was meant to be Luthor's point if view, I still felt the bit with the secretary was unnecessary, especially considering how women have faired in this series so far.
I also felt the entire scene with Lane was pointless. Why would Lane bring Luthor there just to let him know the truth and then...gloat? Was that the whole purpose?
All and all a good issue. I think the series is getting better. Keep it up.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 21, 2012 16:34:26 GMT -5
Just waiting on a few edits on Issue #5, I hope to have it out by the Holidays.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Dec 21, 2012 16:55:50 GMT -5
I will finishing editing by the end of today.
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Post by jackalope on Dec 21, 2012 17:00:00 GMT -5
For the most part, pretty much what Star said. Steel was pretty badass, as is the imminent Zod. But the same kind of questionable points. Anyway, the series is picking up, and you seem to have lots of momentum going with it. Lets see what comes next.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 21, 2012 17:17:27 GMT -5
Issue #5 is by far my favorite, it was the funnest to write and it is really the beginning of the climax in a thematic sense. I hope you guys like it as much as I do when I post it.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 23, 2012 2:57:05 GMT -5
Issue #5 is out and about, I hope you guys love it. Action #1 will be up end of December/beginning of January.
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 23, 2012 7:51:08 GMT -5
I feel this issue was a step back. The dialogue felt very unrealistic. I still don't understand Lane's plan. Why would they have Steel challenge Superman in public like that? It won't make anyone view him as the real "hero" of Metropolis. Why would the military or a real hero choose to fight in the middle of the city, causing property damage and risking innocent lives? Why would Superman show, furthering that risk? Clark isn't in high school, why would he care about looking like a "coward" by not showing?
I guess I still just don't "get" this series and what your direction is. Besides some awkward dialogue, the issue was well written, I just continue to find the story bewildering. Keep em coming.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Dec 23, 2012 10:40:12 GMT -5
Huh, I hadn't thought about Steel challenging Superman in the middle of the street while editing. Which was why I didn't question Superman accepting it. The dialogue I felt was okay, but I did have a feeling there was something off about it. I just wasn't sure what was wrong with it. As Drifter said, this was very well written just had a few problems with plot. I personally liked the Zod and Preus scene. Also, I am still unsatisfied that Chloe led to nothing when you pretty much stated she would be important to the fight. You better use her in the future. 7.5/10. Because on a second read through, there was a couple of problems I didn't notice, though not sentence structure or spelling/grammar errors. Far as I am concern, you are fine on that front. Also, next time could you not add me as editor if you are not gonna do any of the stuff I suggested to edit? Not much of an editor if you don't take my advice, which were admittedly few while looking over this issue.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 23, 2012 12:34:06 GMT -5
Sorry about that SK, but I took what I could from you. As far as what you said about cutting Chloe's scene out, I couldn't. I fixed some grammar stuff you said. Really other than the Chloe thing the only bad thing you pointed out was if bullshit was 1 or 2 words.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Dec 23, 2012 13:20:13 GMT -5
Another thing, if your editor has nothing real to add, don't say he was your editor. Also, I suggest MRP for editing the plot next issue. Because I am just not cutting, and he helped improve my Suicide Squad by a lot. If it weren't for him, there would be a lot more to complain about than proofreading issues and it being too short.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 23, 2012 14:00:04 GMT -5
I feel this issue was a step back. The dialogue felt very unrealistic. I still don't understand Lane's plan. Why would they have Steel challenge Superman in public like that? It won't make anyone view him as the real "hero" of Metropolis. Why would the military or a real hero choose to fight in the middle of the city, causing property damage and risking innocent lives? Why would Superman show, furthering that risk? Clark isn't in high school, why would he care about looking like a "coward" by not showing? I guess I still just don't "get" this series and what your direction is. Besides some awkward dialogue, the issue was well written, I just continue to find the story bewildering. Keep em coming. Sorry Star, didn't see your message at first. Just as a quick response to your concerns about why would Lane/Steel challenge Superman into a fight in the middle of Metropolis? Simply because...well...that'll be explained later. Three issues of Superman left in The Men of Steel, and the first four of Action will be a part of The Men of Steel as well. As for why Superman would care about being seen as a coward? Imagine you're a brand new hero (roughly eight months old) in one of the world's greatest cities. Everyone loves you, everyone accepts you, until suddenly a new guy comes along and proves you're nothing but a coward. Suddenly they accept the new guy and you, without your confidence for saving the city only so high, you break down completely, you don't have a reason anymore to save the city. There's a new guy around doing your job just as well as you, the general populace likes him, you have become irrelevant. Superman didn't want that.^
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 23, 2012 14:20:27 GMT -5
Sorry Star, didn't see your message at first. Just as a quick response to your concerns about why would Lane/Steel challenge Superman into a fight in the middle of Metropolis? Simply because...well...that'll be explained later. Three issues of Superman left in The Men of Steel, and the first four of Action will be a part of The Men of Steel as well. As for why Superman would care about being seen as a coward? That's something you need to look at and think about then. It's one thing to leave things that need to be explained later, but what you left was a failure in logic. If there's a reason, great. But not putting that reason in here leaves the reader to just think it's bad storytelling. Imagine you're a brand new hero (roughly eight months old) in one of the world's greatest cities. Everyone loves you, everyone accepts you, until suddenly a new guy comes along and proves you're nothing but a coward. Suddenly they accept the new guy and you, without your confidence for saving the city only so high, you break down completely, you don't have a reason anymore to save the city. There's a new guy around doing your job just as well as you, the general populace likes him, you have become irrelevant. Superman didn't want that.^ Two things about this. 1. That's just selfishness and again, high school level thinking. 2. If that's the way you want to characterize your Superman, okay, but you didn't show that. I got no sense from reading the series so far that Superman is suddenly unloved and Steel is the new big thing. There was nothing showing Clark's struggle with being "deposed" as the hero of Metropolis. It seems as though you do have explanations for the events, but you're having an issue with putting them in the story. I suggest you keep that in mind for future issues and make sure the reader will understand why things are happening and why the characters are doing what they're doing.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 23, 2012 14:53:18 GMT -5
Thank you for your input Star, I will keep that in mind. I don't really see that as high school level thinking, but I'll still keep that in mind.
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Post by Drake on Dec 30, 2012 1:33:38 GMT -5
Ok, I've caught up on Superman now. I don't want to sound like a broken record, so I won't repeat what anyone said. My only REAL issue, even though it has been addressed, is how women are treated in this story. It's just bad. And kind of offensive. This is coming from a guy, by the way. A teenage guy. The women thing should be fixed. It's gotten better but...it's not good enough. Onto a happier subject, what you did well. Characterization. It's different than the usual, but this is an Ultimate DCU, so it's fair. Almost every character has their own unique voice and it works. Lex, Zod, and for some odd reason Perry, I particularly like. My two characters I'm a little less than happy with: Superman and Lois. Superman just seems to act immature, and Lois is the same way, but in a spoiled teenage girl "I have to have it my way" kind of personality. Another thing you did well. Fight scenes. They aren't godly amazing but they're enjoyable to read, and that's not something just any writer can pull off. I sometimes have trouble with it. Actually, as I write this, I have thought of one thing that nobody's said. There should be more CLARK. Superman and Clark Kent are the same person, and this story is starring him/them. But I feel, as I read it, that Superman is by far the most important aspect of the character, which in the greatest Superman stories isn't the case. So spend more time fleshing out Clark the person, and less time having Superman punch Steel in the face. You've given us plenty of action, but now what we need is some serious character development and character moments. Unless of course, those are on the horizon already, and you have a reason for holding them back. As I feel it would take too much time to grade every issue, I'll just do the series in one swoop. 7/10. Pretty good, in my book. There's room for improvement and I'm confident that you will improve the story! And just a quick explanation as to what I think Star was getting at with the "high school level thinking." What I believe he means is that in high school, almost every kid cares what everyone else thinks of them. It's why high schoolers make stupid decisions. (Again, this is coming from a high schooler). But when people grow up, when they get a job, they really stop caring on a personal level about what people think of them. In the case of your story, Star's saying that Superman shouldn't care what people think of him. He's a hero. It's his job, his responsibility if you will. Even if he isn't "The Hero" he should still try to help people. It wouldn't matter what they think of him. It wouldn't matter what they, or anyone else, like Steel, does. He's a hero, and what people think of him will never change that.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 30, 2012 11:44:11 GMT -5
There is some Clark on the horizon, but mainly it'll be stories about Superman and Kal-El. Really, in this series (as you will see in the next arc), Clark Kent, like Bruce Wayne in traditional comics, is just an identity he had until he became more than that.
Edit: Also, I personally find the greatest Superman stories to be about Superman with little to no Clark (e.g. For the Man Who Has Everything).
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Post by Drake on Dec 30, 2012 11:50:28 GMT -5
Ok. I won't lie, I'm a bit disappointed, but whatever. It's all a matter of taste, I guess.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Dec 30, 2012 12:06:17 GMT -5
Sorry about that. There will be some Clark Kent moments. I hope you stay interested enough to keep reading though.
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Post by Drake on Dec 30, 2012 12:15:14 GMT -5
I will of course. Not only is it my duty as writer on the site but also because I believe this series could really turn into something great!
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Post by liquidsword34 on Dec 30, 2012 20:37:50 GMT -5
Another thing, if your editor has nothing real to add, don't say he was your editor. Even if you only edited one letter, you still edited and it should be noted as such. The issue was much better written then previous issues, but as mentioned the whole Steel/Superman challenge thing doesn't make sense. If it was like at the end of Superman vs The Elite/the comic it was based on who's name is slipping my mind and Superman made sure they weren't fighting in the middle of a city, it would make more sense. Even then, Superman has no reason to fight him whatsoever. It's not heroic because Steel isn't threatening anything ie: attacking citizens or property. The dialogue was a tad clunky in places but everything made sense and there weren't any serious issues. Same for the description, which was especially good in the Zod portions.
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