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Post by Drake on Jan 28, 2013 19:00:01 GMT -5
You know what, I hadn't noticed that until you mentioned it. It does sound like a mash up. I hadn't purposely put in the Potter relations in there, but you're absolutely right. I...wow, this is the best review I've had so far! Thanks! I do have to admit though that I can't promise a totally unseen take on Shazam in the first arc. But starting in arc #2, things will change. I have plans for Shazam and...other characters that haven't been done before. At least, I think so. 99% sure. I do believe that the reason my take is like a mash up is because my only real experience with Shazam is Flashpoint and New 52, and my largest influence when it comes to magic is from Harry Potter, which I hadn't really noticed till now. Thank you so much! I hope that pretty soon you'll get to hear my, and only my, voice.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 1, 2013 12:41:45 GMT -5
Damnit, I didn't see the Harry Potter similarities until mrp pointed them out, and now I can't unsee them!
There's enough of a difference that I think you're doing fine, but now my brain can't help but catch more Harry Potter references, and I know that's not what you're intending.
A lot of plot, some of the dialogue between the boys goes on for too long and they start rambling.
Billy Batson being so despised by the Bromfields... I'm assuming that's supposed to be a mystery that will be explained in the future. Otherwise, I'm not sure what's going on there.
My one big gripe is the whole reaction of "I don't believe in God" to "Christmas." As if to imply that Christmas was a singularly Christian holiday. As an agnostic with a pagan wife who regularly celebrate Christmas and recognize its pre-Christian roots, it kind of touches a nerve. Now these are orphan kids, I would expect them to have false presumptions about things and maybe make those kind of mistakes. But the story as a whole doesn't really do anything to correct them. It just says "What's that? Don't believe in God? Then why are you celebrating Christmas?" That does make me feel a bit uncomfortable.
Otherwise good stuff, plot's moving forward. Looking forward to more.
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Post by Drake on Feb 1, 2013 17:53:51 GMT -5
The Bromfield thing is a mystery. That's a plot that will be explored in the future. And the Christmas thing? That was intended as a sort of child-like ignorant statement. Yes (I myself am young but) I know it was originally a pagan holiday and I know non-Christians celebrate. I'm sorry for not making that more clear and sounding so ignorant.
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Post by Drake on Feb 12, 2013 20:29:33 GMT -5
As a little preview for Shazam #3, I decided to give you guys the full Great Prophecy. ”The Dark One shall be born of revenge and hate And defeated by unyielding Fate. Imprisoned and mad, the Dark One shall declare The end of all, The Wizard’s despair. The Dark One shall rise again, And bring with him the Sins of Man. And true to word, he shall conquer All that stands for good and order. The World, ravaged and falling apart, Will cry for a savior, true of heart. Many will try, many will come, But none will stop the Dark, save one. A Hero will rise, the unlikeliest of sorts, And defeat the Dark One with a single word. He’ll cry it out, loud and clear, And the sky will fall as the World hears: SHAZAM!” So, what do you guys think? Are you excited for Shazam #3?
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 12, 2013 23:44:10 GMT -5
As always, MRP beats me.
Superb dialogue 3/4 of the time. That said. Too much dialogue and not enough movement.
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Post by Drake on Feb 13, 2013 17:32:37 GMT -5
K, thanks. I'll try to improve movement in future chapters, but I can't promise anything in #3 because it is a dialogue, and admittedly, exposition filled chapter.
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Post by Drake on Feb 14, 2013 18:23:09 GMT -5
Issue #3 is up!
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 15, 2013 21:01:27 GMT -5
Wasn't bad, but kind of felt like just an exposition dump. And the Harry Potteresque scar was silly. Looking forward to some more happening in the next issue.
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Post by Drake on Feb 15, 2013 23:20:33 GMT -5
Yeah, I figured that would be the exact response I would get. This chapter, like the last, had to be done. The real meat of the story starts next issue. I'm not going to make a counter point like most, because I know what you're saying is the truth. But it had to be done. Expect better issues in the future.
The scar is something I'm actually coming to regret, if only just a little bit, because of the similarities it draws between this story and Potter's, which especially sucks considering I know what's to come and it isn't really anything like HP. Particularly in my planned last arc too.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Feb 16, 2013 15:28:12 GMT -5
I liked it. Obviously there was a lot of exposition, but it was still interesting enough to keep me hooked. The scar wasn't the best idea ever but as long as it doesn't become too big a part of the character I don't think it's a problem. My only gripe is that part way through everything went into italics. I think you missed the / in one of the coding tags which caused the issue.
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Post by Drake on Feb 16, 2013 17:43:26 GMT -5
Thanks for the kind words! And thanks for informing me of the italics issue. I have fixed it.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Feb 18, 2013 19:50:21 GMT -5
Okay, managed to read all of them. First off, curse you MRP for making the Harry Potter connections so obvious! Second, the first issue was great, second was meh, and the third came close to provoking the same reaction in the second until the ending. The endings reminds me how much I want to just shout out Shazam and instantly become a superhero as a result. I almost shouted it out, but managed to not do so due to the fact I wasn't alone. Anyway, the writing was great, but the story slowed down too much except for during the Dr. Sivana and Black Adam scenes. Those were fantastic and kept me interested for the most part. I will say overall this series gets an 8/10. Mostly due to issue #2 not being as great as the other two. Keep them coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 25, 2013 12:42:12 GMT -5
Personally I think it'll be easier to get past the Harry Potter references once we actually get Captain Marvel fighting. Then it will be a lot more difficult to make the parallels I hope.
All good. A little exposition-heavy, but in a way that saves us from more exposition later hopefully.
If I had an objection, it would be that it seemed short. This is effectively one scene, and I suppose the exposition about Adam does a little bit to fill the gaps, but I would have assumed a little bit post-transformation, maybe a flexing of powers as well.
Of course now I'm curious to see what will happen when I actually get to introducing Zeus and Hercules in my story and how that will react to things.
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Post by Drake on Feb 25, 2013 16:32:45 GMT -5
The "Zeus" and "Hercules" aren't actually the mythological ones, by the way. And yes, this exposition was written so I didn't have to later.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 25, 2013 16:42:09 GMT -5
The "Zeus" and "Hercules" aren't actually the mythological ones, by the way. And yes, this exposition was written so I didn't have to later. Aww... and I was looking forward to that crossover. Oh well...
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Post by Drake on Feb 25, 2013 16:58:46 GMT -5
Oh, we can still cross over. I had ideas for that. I can only imagine how Zeus and Herc would react to finding out some magicians stol their names (yes, that's basically what happened).
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Post by adrini on Mar 14, 2013 12:42:49 GMT -5
Just finished reading all three parts, comes with being late to the game.
I liked the slow build up, I really did. The scene with the father/cell phone might have beena bit much, but you might also have plans for that story line so I'll hold judgement. You are still finding your voice (as are the rest of us) but working on a project like this is an excellent way to find it.
Looking forward to the next one!
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Post by Drake on Mar 14, 2013 17:38:19 GMT -5
Thanks! And yes, I have plans for that in the future.
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