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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jun 29, 2013 4:37:52 GMT -5
About halfway done with the first issue. Will then go on to edit it. A bit of warning, about half the issue is about Clark and his interaction with the Daily Planet staff, so probably a little boring. Part of the reason that I changed this from Man of Steel to Man of Tomorrow is because the stories are gonna be more based on Superman's place within Metropolis as a hero it both needs and deserves other than showing how much of a powerhouse he is like I originally planned.
I am also looking for an editor and/or beta reader. If you Gmail, send me your email address and I will add you to be able to view/edit the issue.
Also, it is most likely this will be released the end of next month no matter what as I want to have some time to finish writing more issues so I can make this a weekly series instead of monthly. It will most likely go from monthly to biweekly and then weekly except for life issues though.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jun 29, 2013 14:18:30 GMT -5
Finish writing the first issue. Just have to edit first and then decide on the release date for it. Again, anyone willing to help with the editing and/or beta read it?
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Post by liquidsword34 on Jun 30, 2013 12:16:56 GMT -5
Sure, send it over.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jul 1, 2013 21:33:01 GMT -5
Man of Tomorrow #1 is up. It is not the perfect issue since there are some stuff that Liquid had brought up during editing. With one of the suggestions being that I should shorten it. But I don't know what I should get rid of, especially the beginning which liquid found to be unnecessary exposition, so I decided to leave it alone with the grammar/spelling edits that Liquid made.
But I will take Liquid's advice for the next issue. While the first issue is about 4000 words long, next one will be shorter. In any case, I hope you enjoy this and be on the lookout for the second one.
Also, thanks again to liquid for editing and Adrini for beta reading it.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 4, 2013 0:04:14 GMT -5
I definitely see how what liquid meant about some of it being unnecessary. This was a case of too much tell, not enough show. A perfect example is how you have Clark muse about Lois always being out there looking for the next big thing, then he bumps into a guy in the hall and they talk about...how Lois is always out looking for the next big thing. You didn't need both, and the conversation was a more natural way of expositing it.
I'm not sure how I feel about Clark being inspired by Hundred. I guess, Ultimate and all. But I feel like Superman should be the example for this generation, not the other way around.
I also felt you went a bit overboard with the bumbling Clark. I get it. He's clumsy. He didn't have to fall over every time he saw someone.
I do like that you hit the ground running, avoiding the origin and even avoiding any reveal of Superman. He's here, he's establish, let's get going. I liked that.
I'm interested to see where this goes and what else is going to happen. Keep em coming.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jul 4, 2013 0:15:24 GMT -5
As I told Liquid, I will use the advice for later issues. Starting with issue 2. I also took note of me using Clark "bumbling around" too much, but I didn't catch it fast enough apparently. As for Superman being inspired by Hundred, I just felt as though that would be something that would happen if Superman was in this universe.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2013 14:41:24 GMT -5
I like that you took the time to establish when the story takes place, and what impact the Ides of March had on some everyday people. I feel like that's something which isn't addressed nearly as often as it should be in the wake of major events in comics. That being said, I have to echo Stardrifter's comment about too much telling and not enough showing, particularly in regards to Cat Grant.
The action scene, while a bit brief, did a good job of highlighting Superman's abilities. I also really like that you mentioned how traveling too fast could have a negative impact on the surrounding environment. It's another nice little touch that comics gloss over far too often. It allowed you to place a limit on Superman without doing anything to actually make him seem weaker.
Overall, I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 8, 2013 9:01:15 GMT -5
First of all, spoilers.
You open up the Superman storyline with the climax of the Ex Machina storyline. It has less impact on those of us who have been keeping up with the stories over time, but for anyone new to the site, they're going to check out big names like Superman and Batman first, and in the first paragraph at that with little warning. A brief sentence at the top explaining how this spoils Ex Machina might be appreciated.
Second, I agree with the too much of things. The first sentence is a perfect example. "A man known to his co-workers as Clark Kent stands at Glenmorgan Square" should just be "Clark Kent stands at Glenmorgan Square." The rest of that sentence is completely redundant. Especially when you're working with the most well-known title in the DC universe.
That being said, Superman taking the attack on Hundred's life severely makes perfect sense. Not only did he fail to protect the man, but Hundred being the only other superhero in Metropolis, and a public one at that, should hit him hard. And I like what you've done with that. That being said, Superman being inspired by Hundred does seem off as others have said, since it's Superman that's supposed to do the original inspiring.
I do agree Clark's clumsiness is a tad overplayed. Clark is the type to bump into someone clumsily to stop them from walking in front of a bus, or to get a look at the confidential papers they drop on the floor, or just to distract someone while he escapes and changes into Superman. He can be mild-mannered without being a walking train wreck.
Few typos here and there. "Quite" versus "quiet" being the offender I'm noticing immediately here. Mostly redundant sentence structure.
"Superman zooms out of a hidden hole that Clark had made long ago" Wait, what? Just a hole in the janitor's closet at the Daily Planet? This probably needs more description because from what's given it seems like something that would have been noticed.
Your S logo is a bit large to separate chapters with. I'd suggest getting a smaller one.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jul 8, 2013 11:23:05 GMT -5
You telling me that no one checks out solicitations?! I will add the warning of the spoiler to Ex Machnia's Ides of March arc. I normally don't like to edit my stories after I post them as I like to have the mistakes be there to remind me to look out for them next time. But I think the potential of spoiling another's series is grounds for breaking that rule. But seriously, no one checks out the solicitations?
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 8, 2013 11:32:06 GMT -5
You telling me that no one checks out solicitations?! I will add the warning of the spoiler to Ex Machnia's Ides of March arc. I normally don't like to edit my stories after I post them as I like to have the mistakes be there to remind me to look out for them next time. But I think the potential of spoiling another's series is grounds for breaking that rule. But seriously, no one checks out the solicitations? Not always, no. And don't be afraid to go back and edit chapters, at least as far as spelling/grammar is concerned. Editing actual content like plot would be another story. |
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 8, 2013 12:27:37 GMT -5
I never read the solicitations. I read everything anyways, so I prefer not to have anything spoiled by the previews. I like going in blind.
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Post by jackalope on Aug 2, 2013 4:46:53 GMT -5
Hey man, sorry it's taken me soooo long to finally review this. It's good. You have great ideas, like others have said- I love actually seeing some of the aftermath of an attack, as well as some physics coming into play with how clark's powers affect the surrounding world. I also really liked your take on the Toyman- the mask is a great idea. Like others said your style of writing is probably a weak point (in that you have a habit of being a bit wordy) - but thats the kind of thing these sites are great for, honing those skills.
As far as Superman himself- its a good, classic take. I know you've taken a lot of cues from my title which I appreciate, and even if the once savior of Metropolis inspired your Supes, I'm sure it wont be long until he rises above him completely. Anyway, look forward to what you have planned next.
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