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Post by buck on Mar 3, 2013 4:24:43 GMT -5
March 2013
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Mar 3, 2013 17:21:46 GMT -5
I just realized that Miller still hasn't fixed that glitch on your board.
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Post by buck on Mar 18, 2013 1:08:40 GMT -5
Welcome to New Gotham,
Batman #1 now available on any computer, tablet or smartphone.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2013 1:10:54 GMT -5
Welcome to New Gotham, Batman #1 now available on any computer, tablet or smartphone. Well at least those with internet access -M
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2013 10:10:21 GMT -5
A number one issue! I can get in on the ground floor!
I think this is a fairly good start for the Bat, but I think the main problem I have with this is that it needed a secondary edit. There are some words missing in there and the grammar is a bit ropey in places. It works against the tension of the story because everyone seems to be saying very long sentences in a slightly confusing manner. In that respect it robs the story of its momentum.
That said I like that we got a little bit from the POV of Batman. I kind of would have preferred to have the whole issue from his point of view, rather than switching out after a few paragraphs. Still, that’s more personal taste than anything.
I do like a ruthless Cobblepot though. It seems a lot of effort has been made into making him a bit less of a waste of skin and more of a proper villain for Batman in recent years – but this really makes him seem like a vicious little git. I’d like to see more of him, and more of Jim Gordon.
Pretty good over all!
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Post by Drake on Mar 18, 2013 13:47:29 GMT -5
I enjoyed it, but it didn't feel very original. It feels rather ordinary, like a standard Batman #1, and that didn't really excite me. I hope to see twists on the mythos in the future.
Your grammar was mediocre in this issue. I think your Hawkman issue had fewer mistakes.
7/10. Waiting for more.
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Post by Ryan on Mar 18, 2013 15:25:43 GMT -5
It was good. Not sure how I feel about the POV part in the beginning. It was a lot of "I did this; I did that." Like some of the others said there were a few mistakes here and there, but not so much that I couldn't get through it.
I hope you do kind of do something that's a little different; like Drake said it was a standard Batman #1. Keep'em coming though.
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Post by adrini on Mar 18, 2013 21:15:42 GMT -5
Well done, I won't mention grammer or such (that's been covered) but the tone was exactly right. I'm excited to see how it goes from here.
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Post by jackalope on Mar 19, 2013 8:06:13 GMT -5
Nice man. Really solid start. Loved the POV start (The fact I just watched the Dark Knight Returns this morning probably helped). Your descriptions of some of the characters really helped visualizing your take on the characters- and nice work with Penguin. I really look forward to seeing what you do with this title.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 19, 2013 14:15:55 GMT -5
It was, to be honest, average. Just a typical, decent Batman story. I would have liked to see something different to really wow us as readers. Otherwise, despite the errors, it was a well done issue. I enjoyed the first person opening. Keep em coming.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Mar 22, 2013 10:08:17 GMT -5
While there wasn't a big twist on the characters or anything, it was a solid issue, with a great Penguin depiction. Could use some work on the grammar.
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Post by thattwoguy on Mar 23, 2013 15:05:14 GMT -5
I think this is a pretty solid first issue.
I won't speak too much about grammar since it's already been mentioned before, but there is something specific I want to point out: the tense. It seems like the chapter is supposed to be in present tense, which is great because it really helps with the tension of the story. But there are so many parts where you slip into past tense and it is pretty distracting. That was really the main problem I had with the story.
But other than that, I really enjoyed it. I personally liked the first person POV in the beginning. I hope you do that a bit in other chapters, too. It made me feel like I was in the middle of the action. Also I really like the characterization of Penguin so far. Can't wait to see what you'll be doing with these characters in the next issues!
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Post by buck on Mar 31, 2013 23:54:25 GMT -5
April 2013
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2013 23:16:52 GMT -5
I'd just like to start of by saying that if Robert Finger is the reference I think it is then bravo.
The issue is mostly setup, which is to be expected from a first issue. I do like that both Penguin and Batman have contrasting visions for a "new Gotham," yet both are willing to step on toes to see it realized; though obviously to completely different degrees. The transition from first to third person perspective came off as slightly jarring, but I do hope that you continue to use that narrative device going forward.
The end result could use a little bit more refinement, but the effort and potential are definitely there. Keep up the good work.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Apr 10, 2013 21:57:13 GMT -5
I like the story being told, it's just how it's being told which I have issue with. Namely that you seem be be underusing commas, which causes excessively long statements which feel unnatural ie: "Taken in broad daylight everyone who witnessed the abduction just thought it was part of the sorority initiation." or "A Puerto Rican girl coming up through the GCPD if it wasn’t for Harvey I would’ve been eaten alive.". That, and Batman slicing a guy open with a hunting knife was a bit jarring.
And Bruce said "Well we do exclusively sponsor Leslie Thompkins clinic in the Narrows.”. I'm unsure what was meant, because surely that means that that's all they sponsor, which wouldn't be a good thing.
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Post by buck on Apr 10, 2013 22:15:21 GMT -5
Yeah I definitely see what you are saying with the overly long statements. I will definitely try to do better in the coming months.
As for the slicing the guy open it's something that will be playing out over the first volume of the series. Hopefully, when it all comes together it won't be nearly as jarring.
As for the "Well we do exclusively sponsor Leslie Thompkins clinic in the Narrows.”, it should come across as they are the sole sponsor of the clinic which is a non-profit venture.
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Post by adrini on Apr 10, 2013 22:24:16 GMT -5
Yess....That's the bats I know and love.
I liked that jarring aspect. This is batman. He may avoid killing but he will hurt people when he feels there is enough at stake. He's among the most hard core of the bunch.
I can see you are finding his "voice" so to speak, which can take serious time. It's part of writing. It's a solid start, though.
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Post by C_Miller on Apr 11, 2013 11:42:43 GMT -5
I really liked both issues. So far my favorite scens were the ones that involved Alfred. One of the things you get really well is the three faces of Batman. There's the public face of Bruce Wayne, there's Batman and there's the person that Alfred sees. The one that Alfred sees is a giant tug of war between the two, with Alfred constantly trying to reel him in towards the former, while Bruce is pulling him towards the latter. You handle that very well.
I also like the interior monologue. The only criticism with that is that's it's slightly uneven. So far in issue one it's been just at the beginning and in issue 2, it was just at the end. I know that those are the only parts with Batman so far, I feel like you should find a way to include it throughout the issue. Maybe give Bruce a war journal or something.
Other than that I like it. I love that you're setting up Bane to be a true menace. The fact that he has yet to have a full first appearance I think makes that better.
I'm looking forward to more.
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Post by Stardrifter on Apr 11, 2013 15:04:53 GMT -5
I'm still a bit disappointed. I don't like the inner monologue. In my opinion, you either need to do the entire issue that way or not at all. Suddenly changing mid issue doesn't work for me. Second, lots of errors. Some sentences just ended abruptly.
Lastly, the same problem I had last issue. It's just old hat. Besides the issues I mention above, it was a well done story. It's just nothing new. There's nothing here that's different than the hundreds of other Batman stories I can read/watch in other mediums. I read everything here, so you don't have to worry about loosing my readership. But we're I not a part of this community, I'm afraid I'd just stop reading out of indifference.
I did like the continuity nods. The scenes with the cops were nice, showing a different side of them. Again, I want to be clear that besides the errors, what you've done you've done well. I just wish you'd do something different. Put your own stamp on it.
Keep em coming.
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Post by Drake on Apr 11, 2013 21:22:16 GMT -5
I'm sorry, but at least to me, this is so boring. If I want to read an ordinary Bats story, I'll read DC's comics (which I do). I guess in fanfiction I'm looking for very original, very unique stories that could never be done in the main universe at DC. Your grammar also needs a lot of work.
5/10
Keep on working. I hope for a big twist in the future.
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