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Post by cross on Dec 4, 2014 5:34:11 GMT -5
Is it just the way I'm wording the dialog or is it something else? What can I do to fix this problem? I wasn't trying to have the Icicle line come off as funny. Irwin was just questioning if that was his name now. I wasn't trying to have it come off as funny. The Catman going into his story with, "So there I was" was supposed to be him breaking down and giving in to Kitrina pestering him for the details of his adventure. He basically said ok if I'm going to tell you what happened then I'll give it to you like a story. I was going for a bonding moment there. Kitrina only talks to Thomas because he is the one who saved her. She trusts him and no one else. I have more coming up with her and her recovery. I will admit I dropped the ball with Cameron. I knew I did as I was writing him but I just kept going with it. It wasn't so much why he went power crazy as it was where he got the powers from and how can Catman stop a "God"?
Thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming. Again, if you can give me some pointers on how to fix my dialog problems I would be very happy. Anything I can do to make this book better I will try.
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Post by Drake on Dec 4, 2014 22:58:45 GMT -5
It's the way you're wording it, not the general concept. I'll also admit it's only about 50% of the time, which is admittedly not great but everyone suffers from some weak dialogue.
I'll give you the Kitrina bit. That's a fair point.
Back to the dialogue. You've got the voices down pat, so that's good. What you're missing is just some of the wording. That's honestly something you'll get down over time. For now, I'd recommend definitely using a beta reader and maybe saying your characters' dialogue aloud to see if it sounds like something someone would say. Also make sure to imagine the situation surrounding the dialogue to see if it makes sense.
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Post by cross on Dec 5, 2014 5:30:45 GMT -5
I've been using a beta reader since issue two, but I haven't been reading the dialog out loud to myself so I will try that. Thanks for the input.
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Post by Drake on Dec 5, 2014 8:59:18 GMT -5
No problem!
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Post by ericthepilot on Dec 18, 2014 1:10:50 GMT -5
I'm very much digging this one, having gotten caught up all the way to your most recent issue.
It's very light and airy, which I rather enjoy – but there's a real heart to the work. It reminds me a lot of the Giffen/DeMatteis JLI. You might not be going for bwa-ha-ha comedy, but you've been able to take a random assortment of characters and slowly are bringing them together as a cohesive whole. That takes talent and I can't wait to see where the story heads next.
There's not a tremendous amount of detail in the writing, and while that can damn a lot of series, I think it works well for you here. It helps to reflect and convey the attitudes of the characters themselves – focused on the mission of fixing Hub City and being heroes to the exclusion at times of the rest of life. It also makes the details of the things you do choose to focus on, such as the condition of Cayce's apartment, shine out that much more vividly.
Another thing I enjoy is how this series reads more like an earlier era of super heroics. These people WANT to be heroes, rather than coming across like they HAVE to be. It's very refreshing.
All in all, I'll be waiting eagerly for the next one.
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Post by cross on Dec 18, 2014 22:14:43 GMT -5
I'm glad you like it. I try to keep the tone very down to earth fun. It's a guy who dresses like a cat and fights crime. You can only take that so far before you realize how ridiculous that is.
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Post by Drake on Dec 18, 2014 22:16:05 GMT -5
I'm glad you like it. I try to keep the tone very down to earth fun. It's a guy who dresses like a cat and fights crime. You can only take that so far before you realize how ridiculous that is. I think that's a great attitude to have with superhero stories.
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Post by cross on Dec 18, 2014 22:53:28 GMT -5
I like the boyscout of hope stories for my superman. I like my dark broding psychopathic batman stories. Then there is Catman. The first thing you think of is screaming "KITTY!" and then Rubbing your face in it's fury belly until it claws the holy shit out of your head but it was totally worth it because kitty bellies are what dreams are made of. I'm kind of like Alan Moore. I realize how absurd the concept of a superhero is in the real world. The difference is I embrace it and make it fun and he shits all over the concept and writes a damn good story deconstructing it.
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Post by adrini on Dec 18, 2014 23:09:36 GMT -5
Reality is reality. The point of heroes is to get away for a bit.
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Post by Drake on Dec 19, 2014 9:05:45 GMT -5
Absolutely! I think you need to be aware of the absurdity to tell the best possible story. Otherwise, you're holding back, trying to be too realistic or whatnot.
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Post by cross on Jan 6, 2015 17:07:14 GMT -5
Issue 5 of Ultimate Catman is out.
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Post by ericthepilot on Jan 7, 2015 19:00:16 GMT -5
This continues to be the most fun series on the boards, another great issue.
You're doing a great job of building a solid team - these are human heroes and just starting out their adventure, and it's nice to see the amount of world building you're doing - they learn from their mistakes and adapt. Need tech? Get a tech guy. Get your ass kicked? Get a doctor. They're learning on the fly and still, despite it all, are keeping their rose-tinted glasses.
The action sequences are solid here and well staged which is good considering the amount of moving around you have the characters doing.
I thought the ending was an interesting choice, not sure quite what you have in mind for the future of the series, but you've done enough to earn the benefit of the doubt. I'll be very curious to see where you take it.
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Post by Drake on Jan 8, 2015 21:00:00 GMT -5
Eric/Pilot/whatever the nickname should be is right. This continues to be an incredibly fun title!
Before I get to the critiquing, I've got to ask: did you claim the Guardian mantle? You might've, but if you haven't then you should. It's a big enough role that it shouldn't just be thrown in there.
Going scene by scene because I read this last night right before I fell asleep.
-Kitrina calling Icicle "Cameron" was a little weird. Usually a last name is a safe bet because they tend to be less mainstream than first names and the use of first names tends to be a sign of friendship, etc. It's a nitpick, but it threw me out of the story. -Kitrina being good with computers/hacking/etc. felt wrong. You never hinted she had any prior experience or knack for it. Ambush Bug I get. Kitrina? Well, it felt a little like lazy writing. -Amina Franklin needs so backstory for why she would so readily trust them and join their crusade. Saving a man's life is one thing. Agreeing to do it over and over is another. -Humanizing the "god" Cameron was brilliant! I loved those scenes with his mother! (Obviously not a critique but I had to put it in there) -The use of Hub City and Catman as this underdog (no backwards pun intended), under appreciated force of good is wonderful! I love that metaphor, even if it was an accident! -So, Thomas may be an idiot (a lovable one, mind you), but potentially inciting a teenage girl into a life of crimefighting is stupid. Now, don't get me wrong. People in comic book worlds can do it (i.e. Batman) but they have to have a reason and almost always the teenager pushes for it first. Thomas himself nearly died. Why would he incite a victimized, somewhat broken girl to fight crime? -I like the ending and I'm curious if you'll go through with a legitimate five year time skip. I'll admit I think it's too early for something like that, and I think Thomas is a bit of an ass for leaving so soon (but I get it). -A task force for a hero who's leaving? I mean, they don't know that and I love Krol's hate for superheroes, but plot-wise how is that going to affect everything? Honestly, kind've like Arrow's midseason finale, I'm excited to see how everyone else copes with Thomas being gone. I also hope that Kitrina doesn't pull an Arrow and jump into combat after three months with little-to-no experience.
So, lots of notes, some good, some bad, but I really enjoyed this issue. You're improving a lot, and I can't wait for what's next! LOL sorry for all the nitpicking. Just trying to be harsh so you improve the most you possibly can (as I hope others will attempt with me).
8/10
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Post by Drake on Jan 8, 2015 21:00:30 GMT -5
BTW you improved the dialogue a lot! There's still a misstep here or there, but that's to be expected. Great job!
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Post by cross on Jan 8, 2015 21:48:10 GMT -5
I will admit that my writing was very lazy when it came to Kitrina and the computer use. I didn't intend for it to read like she was hacking. I wanted it to read like she was just watching the GPS and watching a news website on the "coverage" of Icicle. I re-read her parts and yes I should have added more detail.
On Thomas calling her Catgirl, I was just having him call her that as a nickname. He doesn't intend for it to inspire. As you will see soon, it does and she isn't prepared for it.
I'm glad that you all are enjoying it so far. I'm excited to get into continuity with my next issue. Also the 5 year gap isn't coming anytime soon so don't worry about that.
I have not claimed the Guardian title. I wasn't really thinking about that until you mentioned it. I will change my claims for January.
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Post by cross on Feb 2, 2015 13:45:56 GMT -5
Issue 6 is up!
Catman is officially in Continuity!
Thanks very much to adrini with the character uses and being the co-writer for this issue and thank you very much to drake for the new title banner!
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Post by ericthepilot on Feb 2, 2015 15:08:33 GMT -5
Congrats on six issues, no small feat.
I've said it before, I'll say it again, easily the most fun title on the board, this was one hell of a ride.
One of the biggest challenges here, and one that was met in spades was the ability to depict Catman as clearly inferior to the other heroes in terms of skill without making him look like a chump. The tenacity and force-of-will that's been shown in him so far is only solidified here. It's the first time we've really seen him tested by people without powers, just talent and skill, and his own experience is wanting - but you can't deny the heart.
The action sequences are well written and choreographed, you never lose yourself as you're reading. It was a very different enemy but remained just as dynamic as when you're facing him off against superpowers like the previous issues.
I liked the story and the idea behind it as well. It really shows Blake's sincerity and interest in improving that he's willing to go to these lengths to do so. It's also great to see him connect with his son and show just how important he is. It also shows that his more paternal tendencies toward Kitrina are exactly what they appear to be and not motivated by something creepier (not to say that that was something that appeared to be the case in previous issues, just nice to see it completely removed from the table).
Plus bonus points for making me think of my old Monte Carlo, she was ugly as sin but built like a fucking tank. Loved that car.
All in all, another great issue and I can't wait for the next one.
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Post by Drake on Feb 3, 2015 18:52:01 GMT -5
This was definitely my favorite issue yet! You're getting steadily better. Scene 1 -Loved the exchange between Kit and Cat (that's what I'm calling them now ) -That last line "Catman is a Hub City exclusive" was brilliant! Loved it! Scene 2 -Nice job with the humor and Jade and Cat's relationship. -Kid was cute. -Roy's one of my favorite characters you've written. Scene 3 -Liked the almost-'Haven reference. -High five thing cracked me up. -Action was cool and I like the Lomax character. Scene 4 -'Haven joke. Nice! -Cat shouldn't be able to fight, but that's just a nitpicky thing. Scene 5 -Catmobile and continued high five joke made me lose it. I'm being 100% serious when I tell you that you're one of three writers on these sites that have made me laugh out loud. That did it. *Applauds* -Di screaming joke. Nice #2. -The difference between the two "types" is noticeable and I like it. -Cat losing it was cool, definitely showed his humanity, but it just felt off. I don't know what it was. -More nitpicks. Lomax shouldn't have gotten up and it's weird when everyone calls Green Arrow "GA." That seems like something one or two people might do, not everyone who seems to encounter him. For shortness, I imagine "Arrow" would probably be better. It's what Adrini usually uses. 8.5/10 A hell of an issue.
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Post by cross on Feb 3, 2015 22:27:19 GMT -5
Thanks for the kind reviews guys. I'm trying my damnedest to improve with every issue and I take every criticism and try to better my writing from it. I can't take all the credit though. What I tried doing here was have adrini write her characters exclusively and I write Lomax and Catman exclusively. I wanted everyones voices to feel as authentic as possible. I've got some really fun/neat ideas coming up with the next few arcs and I'm excited to get to them.
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Post by cross on Mar 2, 2015 12:37:37 GMT -5
Issue 7 is posted.
Thank you very much to Adrini for the crossover event and character use.
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