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Post by jayrow75 on Feb 19, 2016 14:03:58 GMT -5
Reviews and opinions here, please.
-Jay
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Post by Drake on Feb 19, 2016 17:25:47 GMT -5
You have two series discussing threads. There should only be one here.
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Post by jayrow75 on Feb 22, 2016 16:31:29 GMT -5
You have two series discussing threads. There should only be one here. Corrected already, but, thanks for the heads-up. -Jay
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Post by Sonny Daye on Mar 22, 2016 16:46:14 GMT -5
I thought this was a really good start. Team titles are always hard to start out because actually getting the team together is a hard feat, and I thought you did an okay job. The spacing was really odd and threw me off a little. I don't know if you're able to fix that.
You seem to have a good grasp on these characters but I don't think you're there yet. I thought there was only one Steel, John Irons. I don't know much about this "Ben" guy.
Overall, I'm very interested about where you're going with this. Hopefully you'll establish the conflict next issue.
I'd rate this a 7/10.
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Post by jayrow75 on Mar 22, 2016 22:46:09 GMT -5
The next issue brings the other half of the team into the mix and launches them into action. Thanks for the thoughts.
The spacing popped up after I posted it. Very strange.
-Jay
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Post by cross on Mar 23, 2016 6:30:10 GMT -5
So far, you have my interest. Obviously these beginning issues are hard to do because of team building but I'm intrigued due to my unfamiliarity with damn near all of these characters. I'm a little disappointed not seeing some of the donated public use characters on the team but I understand if you don't want to use those characters then you don't have to. Overall for the story/content portion of this issue, I enjoyed it more than I was expecting which is a good thing.
Now the writing. It was jarring reading this in first person. Unless you're completely dead set on writing it that way I suggest using third person. I struggled with the same problem heavily when I started Catman. The spacing was odd but since that wasn't intentional I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm not sure if you use a proof reader but I would suggest using someone. Again, this is something I had problems with when I started Catman. It helped a bunch.
I liked the issue way more than expected. Good job for a first issue. With a few easily correctable mistakes, I think you are off to a great run with this title. Keep up the good work.
I give this issue 6 Amanda Wallers out of 10.
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Post by Drake on Mar 24, 2016 18:47:08 GMT -5
This is certainly a different take on the Squad, and for that reason I'm definitely looking forward to it. However, the issue itself didn't have a lot for me to latch onto. The most poignant scene was the one with Ben and Pierce, because you can sense the connection there and their shared history. The rest of the scenes are without context, though, and while they allude to history it's difficult to care since we don't know anything about the characters at this point. To clarify, it's hard to connect with any of the characters when there's no reason to. Someone who underwent transformative surgery without any explanation why makes that potentially powerful scenario difficult to understand or empathize with. It's why Pierce's character works, because you sense he was betrayed, and is now left to suffer because of it.
Another important thing to note is that yes, while the scenes are fairly short, not much happens, so it's tough to become invested in the story. It's related, but a different note entirely.
The spacing, as mentioned, is really distracting. I honestly might have enjoyed it much more if it wasn't an issue. If I were you, I'd go back in and fix it, and then keep that up in later issues.
I don't know what cross is referring to when he says you're writing in 1st person. It looks like 3rd to me. If he means present tense, then...well, it's really just up to you. I'm used to reading it, despite writing in past myself.
Totally a nitpick, and will have no effect on my end score, but I wish there were one or two more SS mainstays. Deadshot or King Shark could have been cool. I'm glad there's at least Bronze Tiger on the team.
6/10. I'm intrigued by what you've presented, but not hooked yet.
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Post by jayrow75 on Mar 24, 2016 22:21:21 GMT -5
The 'villains' end of the team is introduced in the next issue. Squad mainstays are absolutely coming. Steel's backstory will be explored in the future, along with other members of the squad. Keep in mind, I'm working with a really large cast and some will get more spotlight than others. I will do my best to help everyone connect with all of my cast.
-Jay
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