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Post by darthphere on May 14, 2011 10:35:44 GMT -5
So first part is up. Kind of short, but I feel good about it. First time in a long time I write something. Hope you guys like it.
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Post by C_Miller on May 14, 2011 13:00:43 GMT -5
I like it. Again, it gives off the feeling of the character and the series. Definitely want to find out more about the world you're creating, but I'm sure that's coming soon!
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Post by jross on May 14, 2011 18:19:26 GMT -5
Conciseness is a virtue and an asset, darthphere. You have it in spades. I enjoyed the present-tense storytelling, but I did notice that you switched between past and present-tense at times. Fantastic, though.
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Post by darthphere on May 14, 2011 18:38:14 GMT -5
Yeah I kept catching myself doing that. Apparently I missed a few.
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Post by superecwfan1 on May 21, 2011 19:24:24 GMT -5
I did like that Green Arrow is an urban legend. Thats a nice cool touch. I would have said you should have done "breaks' where the scene changes. Ya know ... like... [At Home] and all. But I like the direction.
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Post by darthphere on May 22, 2011 13:01:27 GMT -5
That's something I might do in the future since I was actually having a hard time figuring out how to transition from one scene to the next. I just let the narration do it for me though.
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Post by Toriach on May 22, 2011 17:30:53 GMT -5
Interesting take on GA. I love the specificity of "Is that Wildcat's boxing glove..." a very nice touch.
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Post by darthphere on Jun 17, 2011 11:21:10 GMT -5
So issue #2 is up, hope you guys enjoy it. Fastest issue I've ever written. This is actually the second version of it as I rewrote the whole thing on the day of my deadline. I like this version a lot more.
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Post by jackalope on Jun 18, 2011 3:34:08 GMT -5
Really like it. Nice 'speedy' creation. Prometheus seems awesome. So glad I read this as I'd invented a whole different Queen Enterprises CEO which would come up in a later story- will revisit that now.
Well written and nicely paced.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jun 19, 2011 3:08:02 GMT -5
Probably tied with Zatanna for my favorite so far. Someone already mentioned the tense issue so I'll add that you are bit repetitive when it comes to dialogue. I noticed a lot of "said" and "responded" in a very short span.
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Post by darthphere on Jun 19, 2011 11:17:56 GMT -5
Yeah, that's an issue when you love to write way too much dialogue lol. I noticed it too, so I'll try to spice it up in the future.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jun 19, 2011 12:21:20 GMT -5
The dialogue itself was pretty good and flowed naturally for the most part (something I have a problem with) but once you got to who was talking and whatnot, your abruptness took away from the quality.
Still, I enjoyed it. And I should probably make a sig or a topic apologizing before hand for any critiques I give. I have a difficult time separating work from fun sometimes and I'm too harsh. >_<
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Post by darthphere on Jun 19, 2011 12:24:29 GMT -5
That's fine, I want people to be honest with me. I haven't written much of anything since high school so I'm trying to get better.
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Post by C_Miller on Jun 19, 2011 12:50:23 GMT -5
I liked it, Darth. Star City is a really sleazy place and I love it. I took a class on Urban Development, so I always pay really close attention to how cities are set up and their own personalities, you got that down pat.
I also really liked the introduction of Roy. It updated the whole orphan sidekick paradigm into a modern setting was fantastic.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 19, 2011 17:50:21 GMT -5
I liked both issues. I agree you need to spice things up a bit with the dialogue descriptions.
Kinda feel like you're rushing a bit. For example, we go from meeting Roy to him spilling his backstory to Ollie going so far to telling Roy his name in no time. I know you probably have a ton of ideas you're dying to get to, but it could serve to expand on some as you go. Just my two cents.
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Post by darthphere on Jun 19, 2011 17:54:34 GMT -5
At the same time, I thought it would get tiresome to call him Green Arrow for two issues straight. Hence, why I chose to go with Ollie and not Oliver Queen, rich guy who lives in a dump now.
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Post by buck on Jun 19, 2011 21:57:53 GMT -5
I agree with drifter it's been a pretty good read thus far just need to work on the pacing. A lot of threads have been laid out and I'm anxious to see where you go with them.
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Post by darthphere on Jun 19, 2011 22:10:44 GMT -5
And here I thought I was moving too slow.
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Post by superecwfan1 on Jun 20, 2011 22:23:58 GMT -5
I loved the nods to Mike Grell , Denny O'Neil and Brad Meltzer in this. I chuckled at those references. I liked the story in general and was suprised you introduced Roy Harper so fast. I was expecting later but hey , gets it outta the way. I am intriqued where the plot with Promethus goes and that Ollie has a brother.
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Post by darthphere on Jun 21, 2011 10:08:04 GMT -5
To be honest, I probably should have waited to introduce Roy but like someone said I'm too eager to get the ball rolling on some of my ideas. Hopefully it doesn't come back to bite me in the end.
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