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Post by liquidsword34 on Oct 15, 2012 10:03:39 GMT -5
First issue should be up soon. I spent a few hours on Saturday just sitting and writing since I already had everything plotted out in my head, just need to do the proper finished version, proof read it a few times and make sure it's good to go.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Oct 17, 2012 17:51:10 GMT -5
First issue up. It's only been a few days since the draft but I've had this issue planned out for quite a while+enough free time to write it, go over it, edited it, go over it again etc etc. So yeah.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Oct 17, 2012 18:55:46 GMT -5
First off, the Green Lantern Oath still sounds badass. Second of all, I feel as though I am in the middle of an event. It seemed as though a lot of had happened and I should know about them already. Then a theory formed in my head. Could you answer this question? Did you take elements from what happened in the previous Green Lantern titles on this site and added your own elements? I haven't read all of them, but the Secret Files revealed that Guy Gardner had become a Red Lantern. But, Abin Sur was already dead and Hal Jordan had become a member of the GLC. Just curious since I think MRP suggested doing something like that.
Anyway, it is a decent first issue with the only complaint of the initial confusion and feeling that you missed a lot that you should already know by now. The actions scenes were decent and everyone felt in character. My favorite so far is John Stewart, but I am being biased since Stewart was the first Lantern I was exposed to. 7/10. I look forward to more.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Oct 17, 2012 19:03:29 GMT -5
First off, the Green Lantern Oath still sounds badass. Second of all, I feel as though I am in the middle of an event. It seemed as though a lot of had happened and I should know about them already. Then a theory formed in my head. Could you answer this question? Did you take elements from what happened in the previous Green Lantern titles on this site and added your own elements? I haven't read all of them, but the Secret Files revealed that Guy Gardner had become a Red Lantern. But, Abin Sur was already dead and Hal Jordan had become a member of the GLC. Just curious since I think MRP suggested doing something like that. I love the GL oath, there was really no other way to start the story to me. No, this is just a fresh start. Guy being a RL will be explained in the next issue. Guy being a RL in the old series is just a coincidence pretty much. I started part way through the Lantern war because if I started before...it would just be Atrocitus turning up and attacking them. The GL's not knowing why the RL's are after them is a plot element and an issue between Sinestro and the Guardians, which is why it isn't explained.
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Post by Stardrifter on Oct 17, 2012 21:02:36 GMT -5
A couple things. 1. We can't even go one paragraph in a fanfic without being told John Stewart is a Marine? Geez... 2. A lot of proofreading errors. 3. I'm not sure how I feel yet. I'm not digging the multiple Earth Lanterns already existing. I feel like, with a rebooted universe, that we're coming into this story that's halfway done. If that makes any sense. I'll say that, while I wasn't wowed by this issue, I wasn't put off either. So we'll see how the rest of the arc goes. Keep 'em coming.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Oct 17, 2012 22:16:16 GMT -5
1. I never knew Stewart was a marine before.
2. You have a better eye for detail for me. I only noticed one.
3. That last sentence is how I feel. I was also bugged by the multiple Earth Lanterns, but I decided it wasn't that big of a deal to me.
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Post by Stardrifter on Oct 17, 2012 22:28:06 GMT -5
1. I never knew Stewart was a marine before It's kind of a meme on the GameFAQs comic board. Not sure about anywhere else. But in the comics some writers just constantly bring up Stewart's Marine history as if it's the only defining characteristic he has.
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Post by C_Miller on Oct 17, 2012 23:07:01 GMT -5
I guess it's better than having his only defining characteristic being black like so many non-white comic book characters are.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Oct 17, 2012 23:41:16 GMT -5
I like what you've done so far. We get straight into the action, and most of the character roles so far make sense. The only thing I see that I think warrants explanation for later is why so many Earth Green Lanterns? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see all the GL characters, but having so many at the start does seem off.
Also present tense in fiction always makes me twitch, but from what I gather that seems to be the norm on these forums.
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Post by C_Miller on Oct 18, 2012 3:10:20 GMT -5
I enjoyed it overall, but I did have a few issues with it. While I did like that it kind of started us right in the action, I personally feel like it left out important information and not just in a "wait and see" kind of way. Except for the exposition, it seemed as if this were a part 2 of an arc, rather than a part one. I'm sure you'll reveal more as time goes on, so that's not too much of a complaint.
I'm a bit worried about the Earth-centric nature of the title when utilizing the entire GLC. I'm sure there's a reason for so many Earth Lanterns, but that's something you probably should have included in this issue. And I don't think it needed Hal Jordan yet. I would have liked more focus on John, Kilowog, Sur and Sinestro which was sacrificed by continuously going back to Hal and then Alan at the end (but I'm an Alan fan, so that's okay).
Okay, that's the criticism, but I did like it overall. I loved the mythology you're building with the Book of Oa and all that. You are clearly building towards something here, which kind of cushions a lot of my potential criticism. I loved what you did with the group of GLs in the beginning and I hope that you spend time with them rather than making it the Hal Jordan show with the rest of the GLC as his Pips.
Definitely some good stuff here and I can't wait for more.
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Post by buck on Oct 18, 2012 3:34:11 GMT -5
The Good- Hal and Carol's relationship was a nice touch. Loved the various constructs used in this issue. The Bad- The story was uneven Hal's story felt like part one. Lanterns felt like a much later chapter. The Ugly- brief description of Abin Sur, quick action scene and then dead. Didn't have the emotional resonance his place in the mythos deserves.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2012 16:28:24 GMT -5
Ok, finally had a chance to read this. General comment-I liked it.
I have less of a problem with the in media res beginning, it is a classic sci-fi trope-think the first Star Wars movie (Episode 4 to those who insist on acknowledging the existence of the Prequels). The war with the Empire had been raging for a while at the start of the movie, but our entry point into the movie was the introduction of Luke Skywalker into the movie. In this, it could be that Hal Jordan is our introduction into the story, which works, but it would have worked a hell of a lot better if the story was structured slightly differently with the final scene of the issue being the one where the ring appeared.
I liked all the elements in the story, I just think that if the scenes had been ordered differently it would have changed the dynamic and made things more effective.
The opening was strong, but I would have moved the scene with Alan Scott to second, before Hal was even introduced to act as foreshadowing and to hammer home the idea the Guardians know what is happening through the Book of Oa. Moved the scene of Hal getting the ring to after Sinestro's tirade against the Guardians so it closes the issue, and it all works to emphasize our (the audience's) entry into this story starts with Hal even though the story has been going for a while.
Not sure if you are planning on making this Hal's story though, and if Hal is not the entry point, then the in media res structure works less well.
I realize the function of Abin Sur was to show the succession to Hal, but that was the one part of the story where the execution fell down a little bit for me (as some others had mentioned). If Hal is the successor and the greatest, then it would have been better to demonstrate how badass Abin Sur was before he fell, just to show what big shoes Hal has to fill.
Other than that, it was an enjoyable first issue and I look forward to seeing where it goes.
-M
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Post by liquidsword34 on Oct 20, 2012 17:02:26 GMT -5
I liked all the elements in the story, I just think that if the scenes had been ordered differently it would have changed the dynamic and made things more effective. Yeah, looking at the feedback and re-reading I kind of think I messed up the order of the scenes and didn't think about which order to put them in. We live and we learn I guess. Thanks for the feedback, everybody.
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Post by froggy on Oct 21, 2012 1:13:58 GMT -5
Sorry if the feedback I have is late, butI still want to give my input.
The good-I feel like i'm the only person who liked the way you began the story, and some of the twists you added to the GL mythos (Guy becoming a red lantern, John starting BEFORE Hal, Alan Scott's life) which made it feel like you're seeding stories for the future (how'd Guy turn into a red lantern, Alan Scott's origin) which makesme happy, so keep it up
the bad-abin sur died too early for my liking. If you spent more time building him up then I think his death would have more of an impact
overall thanks for the stor
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Oct 21, 2012 10:04:50 GMT -5
Same here, sorry for the late feedback but:
I like how you start in the middle of the war. Origin stories are oftentimes overdone and I've always liked when the past is explained as the story moves on like in the show Heroes. Alan Scott is by far my favorite Lantern, so I'm glad to see him here and am very curious as to how he became a real Lantern. Never liked Guy...ever. Guy is actually like 50% of the reason Batman is my favorite character (the One Punch). I agree with what has been said above about Abin's death. If you had waited till at least next issue I believe it would have been better. I just personally had no attachment to him whatsoever. If you weren't going for an emotional death, that thumbs up, but if you were then not so much. I'll give it a solid 8/10 and look forward to #2
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Oct 22, 2012 12:53:08 GMT -5
Regarding Abin Sur, I probably don't know as much about him and therefore aren't as attached to the guy, but from what incarnations I have seen of him it seems like his purpose in the GL mythos is to show up, get killed, and pass a ring off to Earth. So him getting killed off early just seems like par for the course to me.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Oct 28, 2012 21:03:22 GMT -5
I second MRP's in media res opinion. It fits perfectly for the story you want to tell and I don't have a problem with it. In fact, I have such a little problem with it that I'll be following the same formula somewhat. And I felt that the multiple Earth lanterns fit within the way the Book foreshadows the greatest Lantern. I'm slightly sad that Dex-starr isn't a cute little kitty...
Sorry... You got a semi-proper review probably because this is my favorite of the five on the board so far.
On the topic of what I'm looking for in every first issue... You cover it all. You beyond cover it all. You go into precise detail about aliens. Wasn't expecting that. Love it. Also, you gotta be doing something right when I read John and I hear Phil LaMarr's voice.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Oct 28, 2012 21:15:00 GMT -5
I'm slightly sad that Dex-starr isn't a cute little kitty... To Atrocitus he is
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Post by heroic on Oct 30, 2012 19:42:25 GMT -5
I really enjoyed this from start to finish, in my mind it really felt like an ultimate title in the best possible way. Also it seems like a nice mix of alot of different G.L. stories from the animated versions to the comics with a helping of your creativity.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Nov 2, 2012 21:43:25 GMT -5
2nd issue up. I'm aware the RL's didn't appear much in this issue, but a few of them will be more prominent in the next issue. I was considering showing some origin/backstory for Guy, but he isn't in the issue so it felt kind of tacked on. I'm enjoying writing this, not least because it feels like a medieval sort of tale. Hal as the kid in the village who pulls the sword out of the stone, Alan as the mysterious old warrior who turns up to train him, the Guardians as the arrogant king, Sinestro as the brave warrior, the Red Lanterns as the barbarians. Not sure if this is something other GL writers (Here or otherwise) have noticed/done intentionally, but I sort of noticed it near the end of writing this issue.
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