|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Oct 29, 2012 12:06:40 GMT -5
No, I don't have a fancy logo... (Gets Lasso'd) Oh wait, yes I do... Secret Files is up. First Chapter is up. I'll be updating the Secret Files per chapter, but there will probably be blanks to fill at points. Any suggestions on the Secret Files will be appreciated. I could use a Beta Reader if anyone's willing to volunteer.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2012 12:09:33 GMT -5
I stickyed the Secret Files for you, so it will stay at the top as you post issues. Looking forward to your debut issue.
-M
|
|
|
Post by Ultimate Silentking on Oct 29, 2012 13:20:46 GMT -5
I am willing to be the Beta Reader.
|
|
|
Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Oct 30, 2012 0:41:30 GMT -5
Your second image isn't working and when I went in to modify it to work, it still didn't. If you'd like, I can upload it to my imageshack account that I use for the board and make it easier. Edit: I uploaded it anyways. IMDB sucks when it comes to sharing images. Though I misnamed it as Veronica instead of vanessa... oops. And if you want a logo or fancy banner... I did that in a couple of minutes. If you would like a better one or something more custom, let me know.
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 5, 2012 10:01:50 GMT -5
That's awesome, Wachter. If you don't mind, I think I'll use that.
First issue's coming up soon. It's in the beta reading phase.
EDIT: Also, thanks for fixing the IMDB image. It seemed to work when I posted it, but I guess it didn't last.
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 9, 2012 9:25:05 GMT -5
Well, I think a week of editing is probably enough.
First issue's up.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Nov 9, 2012 18:34:33 GMT -5
It wasnt bad. The writing was fine. I have no real complaints except...it just didnt wow me. There was nothing that stood out and made me excited to see your take. Except for the differences with Etta and Vanessa, this could just be a normal DC story. But as I said, otherwise well done. I'll keep reading to see where it goes. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by buck on Nov 10, 2012 0:58:14 GMT -5
Action was done fantastically. Wonder Woman, however, was poorly executed. She goes to a circus attacks the performers and comes out a hero. I didn't really care for that portrayal of her.
Do keep the issues rolling hope she redeems herself in the future.
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 10, 2012 17:20:07 GMT -5
It wasnt bad. The writing was fine. I have no real complaints except...it just didnt wow me. There was nothing that stood out and made me excited to see your take. Except for the differences with Etta and Vanessa, this could just be a normal DC story. But as I said, otherwise well done. I'll keep reading to see where it goes. Keep em coming. Considering I wanted the first chapter to follow the typical comic formula, I'll take this as a compliment. Par for the course and all. Hopefully some of the later issues will have more distinctions for you. Action was done fantastically. Wonder Woman, however, was poorly executed. She goes to a circus attacks the performers and comes out a hero. I didn't really care for that portrayal of her. Do keep the issues rolling hope she redeems herself in the future. That's a fair criticism. Hopefully after I delve into more of the circumstances leading up to this event it'll make more sense. I'm glad the action turned out well. At this point her actions make her less of a hero and more of a spectacle, but that'll change soon. The next issue(s) will focus more on the events leading up to the present, so hopefully that will provide the character depth lacking.
|
|
|
Post by liquidsword34 on Nov 11, 2012 21:01:52 GMT -5
My only issue is that...well she wasn't really heroic. She turned up, assaulted a woman, Giganta was, at worst, standing up for her friend, and then got beaten up. The writing itself was good and I like WW being an aggressive woman who is described as being a warrior (Instead of how DC seems to like to portray her very often which just makes her a token female, unfortunately), but the entire thing seemed very unjustified on WW's side.
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 12, 2012 10:36:27 GMT -5
My only issue is that...well she wasn't really heroic. She turned up, assaulted a woman, Giganta was, at worst, standing up for her friend, and then got beaten up. The writing itself was good and I like WW being an aggressive woman who is described as being a warrior (Instead of how DC seems to like to portray her very often which just makes her a token female, unfortunately), but the entire thing seemed very unjustified on WW's side. This is actually the exact reaction I was hoping for. ;D Don't worry, WW won't continue to go around beating up circusfolk for unexplained reasons. But I guess rather than accidentally spoilering future content I'll get writing.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Nov 12, 2012 17:05:09 GMT -5
I actually really liked this issue. As someone who will be writing Batman from a darker portrayal to start, I'd be a hypocrite if I was upset that you made Wonder Woman darker. It's all good in my book.
But what I really liked about the issue was the setting. There was something very old school Americana about the circus that doesn't work for everything, but it worked really well here. It felt like you were very conscious about the setting, so it all worked out.
And like Buck said, very good action. That's something I always have trouble with, so I'm always mindful when someone is good at it.
Can't wait for the next issue.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2012 12:25:50 GMT -5
Ok, just got to this initial reactions...
-the opening 2 scenes (with Etta and Vanessa & Andy & Jason) were pure gold-perfectly captured what life would be like in the modern world if the modern world were the DCU.
The early part of the issue evoked a very Astro City vibe for me where we get to see the world of superheroes through the eyes of the ordinary people who live in that world.
-I like the circus elements, but to really pull it off, it needed more of the circus barker/ringmaster to introduce the acts especially the unnamed magician as she comes on stage. It is part of the spectacle of the circus and could have given a little more weight to the scene and allowed the reader to put some names to the faces of the circus characters. When it finally came in with the WW/Giganta fight is really resonated but I would have liked to have seen it as a line through the story connecting it all stylistically/thematically
-the fight scene generally well done with one minor quibble in scene continuity-Diana lands picks up the largest piece of timber available and then a few seconds later picks up the largest piece of debris available and throws it at Giganta, presumably while still holding the large piece of timber that was still in her hands as she never did anything with it in the meantime. The timber disappears, so it may have been a remnant form a previous draft that got edited but that element got missed in the edits/revisions. It's glaring because the rest of it is so well-written.
As for Wonder Woman herself, the impression I got was a little different from the others. I didn't get the she's not heroic vibe, instead I got she's very naive and possibly a bit dim vibe. Obviously she is on a quest to find Circe and not all that familiar with "man's world" but falling for the circus magician's act paints her as either extremely gullible or not too bright. Then of course she reads Giganta's defense and colloquialisms as a challenge to combat and an insult to her royal heritage reacting in accord to with presumably the customs of her people without knowing anything of how things work in the wider world except she throws out quips about woman in North America which makes it seem like she had some kind of exposure to it if not a deep or accurate one. It is the tip of the iceberg as far as characterization goes, so I will need to read more (maybe a lot more) before determining whether I like her character and whether she is as dim as she comes across in this particular issue. It wasn't a sparkling first impression of the character, which is disappointing because the rest of the issue was damn good.
So I look forward to seeing where you are going with Wonder Woman and seeing where she was coming from that put her in this position in the debut issue.
-M
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 20, 2012 16:17:54 GMT -5
I was going to wait until I got closer to done with the next chapter before responding, but it's taking longer than I thought. What I hoped would be one chapter could very well end up being three parts.
But it will get Diana's backstory out of the way and hopefully answer any questions about her behavior.
@c-Miller: Thank you very much!
@mrp: I see what you mean about needing some more of the circus vibe from the announcer. It probably would've fleshed the scene out a bit more, but I especially didn't want the magician's name to get revealed until later, to possibly keep the idea the slim chance that it might actually be Circe.
You're absolutely right that the "debris" thing was an editing mixup. I'll fix that sometime before the next issue.
You're hitting the nail on the head pretty hard with Diana being naive to man's world but having some sort of vague familiarity, but that will be explored in further issues. Hopefully I'll be able to make her seem less gullible and explain why the magician's trick being real wouldn't be that far of a stretch of imagination for someone with her background.
Overall, I'm glad to see the reviews I'm getting for this chapter. There's obviously a lot to explain in the coming chapters, and as I mentioned, it'll probably take two or three issues to get everything up to speed. The action was something I tried to focus on, and I'm glad to see it's apparently turning out well.
|
|
|
Post by Ultimate Silentking on Dec 17, 2012 21:29:57 GMT -5
I finally finished reading this! As for my review, well my thoughts are more along MRP than others. I don't get the "she is not a hero" vibe. Yes, what she did was not heroic. But she is obviously not familiar with the ways of us mere mortals. I don't think she is completely gullible, just not familiar enough with our customs enough to not fall for some common tricks. This could potentially have Gigante be an anti-villain as well. You might not go that route, but there is potential for it. 7.5/10
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Dec 29, 2012 2:25:44 GMT -5
Issue #2 is up!
I really wanted to get the whole backstory done in one issue, but this was already getting obscenely long. I think I can get it done in 3 parts. I do kind of have to get it out of the way before I continue with the main plot.
I also updated the Secret Files with actual pictures. I'll put actual bios up once the Paradise Lost saga is done.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Dec 29, 2012 15:31:05 GMT -5
This is the issue I wish you'd started with. Very well written, nice character moments, good pacing. All and all am exceptional issue. Keep em coming.
P.S. Someone is a Whedon fan.
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Dec 29, 2012 15:38:56 GMT -5
I finally got to reading Wonder Woman and, man, it was good! I must agree with what mrp said about the first chapter, but over all it was still good. The second, though, was amazing! Very, very good. This, along with Demon Knights, are my two favorite stories I've read. Way to go! I look forward to more.
|
|
|
Post by liquidsword34 on Dec 29, 2012 20:45:55 GMT -5
Much preferred this too the first issue, not because the first issue was weak but because this one was so good. Diana'as characterisation here helps explain her actions somewhat in issue 1, which also helps. Keep it up.
|
|
|
Post by buck on Dec 30, 2012 0:35:51 GMT -5
Loved the description of Themiscyria throughout the issue have a pretty clear idea of what the island looks like.
Diana, Artemis, and Amelia were fleshed out fantastically.
Nothing really to complain about in the issue.
|
|