kryptokin
New Member
Keep Calm and Don't Blink
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Post by kryptokin on Jan 5, 2013 17:32:58 GMT -5
Interesting way of introducing Diana. I like that Etta Candy is being used to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2013 22:02:06 GMT -5
Interesting way of introducing Diana. I like that Etta Candy is being used to. Hi kryptokin and welcome. I moved your post here. I know you are new, so just to let you know, comment son issues should be posted in the series discussion forum in the thread for the title. It just easier for the author to see the comments that way. Not a big deal, easy enough for me to move, but just for future reference. If you have questions, feel free to PM one of the admins (myself, buck, c_miller, or the wonderfulwachter). -M
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jan 9, 2013 12:43:16 GMT -5
I should probably answer some of these... @stardrifter: Well, nearly all of my characters are female, and there aren't many people who do good female action characters well. And, yes, I am a Whedon fan. I still would like to see him direct a Wonder Woman movie, but it will probably never happen. Drake: Thanks! Glad you're enjoying this so far! liquidsword34: Paradise Lost will likely be a three-parter and hopefully explain Diana's actions satisfactorily, since after that, shit starts to get real. buck: Good! Means I'm doing things right. EDIT: Also, solicitation for the next issue is up. Should be up before the next deadline.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2013 17:58:22 GMT -5
Ok read issue #2.
Great introduction to Paradise Island and the Amazons. A few sentences were a bit wonky, it looks like they were partially revised or changed, but vestiges of the first draft remained in them leading to some awkward phrasing.
Diana's character was developed well here, and as others have said, it helps make her actions in the first issue more understandable.
If I have one complaint its this-you started a story in #1 and yes establishing the back story is important, but a whole issue of leaving Diana hanging with only Vanessa nudging her trying to wake her to move that story forward at all is a lot, three issues without moving that first story forward is a long time to leave it hanging and dangerous to any momentum and interest in the present day readers have while you fill in the past. Not that the past story is not engrossing, but you left Diana in a precarious predicament, and delaying it sends the message to the reader that the situation there is less important than what has already happened. The past is important, but the present should remain the focus even as you fill in the past-at least form my experience as a reader. Something should move the main story forward each issue even as you fill in the past with flashbacks, otherwise the past is the main story not the present.
-M
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jan 29, 2013 12:50:01 GMT -5
Ok read issue #2. Great introduction to Paradise Island and the Amazons. A few sentences were a bit wonky, it looks like they were partially revised or changed, but vestiges of the first draft remained in them leading to some awkward phrasing. Diana's character was developed well here, and as others have said, it helps make her actions in the first issue more understandable. If I have one complaint its this-you started a story in #1 and yes establishing the back story is important, but a whole issue of leaving Diana hanging with only Vanessa nudging her trying to wake her to move that story forward at all is a lot, three issues without moving that first story forward is a long time to leave it hanging and dangerous to any momentum and interest in the present day readers have while you fill in the past. Not that the past story is not engrossing, but you left Diana in a precarious predicament, and delaying it sends the message to the reader that the situation there is less important than what has already happened. The past is important, but the present should remain the focus even as you fill in the past-at least form my experience as a reader. Something should move the main story forward each issue even as you fill in the past with flashbacks, otherwise the past is the main story not the present. -M You make a very good point here. Originally I was going to just do the whole origin story first, and that might have worked. But I decided to get a more traditional superhero story for number 1. Then I figured I'd have the origin story be the second chapter. But when I did all the planning, the origin was already stretched out to three chapters. And I do feel I have to get through this portion of the background material before I can jump into the next main plot in the present. I'm going to try and put a little scene from the present so at least something in the main narrative continues, albeit slowly. I'll try to watch the sentence structure. You're probably right in some of them being left over from the editing process. If you can give any specific examples it will help me avoid them later. Next chapter will be out on time. It's done, just needs polishing, beta-reading, and formatting.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2013 23:51:39 GMT -5
Hey DiscipleofBob-I want to update the banner for new issues but I have a question before I do-The most recent issue is labelled Paradise Lost Part 3 in the subject line, but there never was a part 2. Was that a typo or is Part 3 correct?
-M
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 2, 2013 0:34:51 GMT -5
That's... strange.
Yeah, that's a typo. It should be Issue 3, Part 2.
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Post by Drake on Feb 2, 2013 12:03:04 GMT -5
This was...wow! This was very, very good! My favorite issue of not only this series, but every series on the site! Something about it just worked very well. The drama, the sacrifice, the future potential! It's all great. It really feels like a comic book, and an epic one at that. To be honest, I think you're best at writing villains, because they just came off as so bad ass! Artemis is pretty great too. Cheetah's got to be my favorite character though.
9.5/10. Would be 10, but I just feel like I can't give a ten until something is absolutely perfect. I'm talking "grips me emotionally, makes blood pump, and gets me excited for the future" perfect. This was two of those.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Feb 2, 2013 21:24:45 GMT -5
You pulled off having three villains well because they all had their purpose, bounced off each other and each have their own unique voice/characterisation, instead of them all blending together. It established the villains very well.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 3, 2013 11:04:21 GMT -5
Very well done. I felt like it dragged a bit. Maybe it was just a bit too long. But otherwise I agree with everyone about how well you did. Keep em coming.
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Post by randomfan on Feb 3, 2013 21:15:47 GMT -5
And with this chapter Wonder Woman becomes my favourite series on the site, I loved the interactions between the villians. They bounced off each other really well and they all had distinctive voices.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 5, 2013 11:42:49 GMT -5
This was...wow! This was very, very good! My favorite issue of not only this series, but every series on the site! Something about it just worked very well. The drama, the sacrifice, the future potential! It's all great. It really feels like a comic book, and an epic one at that. To be honest, I think you're best at writing villains, because they just came off as so bad ass! Artemis is pretty great too. Cheetah's got to be my favorite character though. 9.5/10. Would be 10, but I just feel like I can't give a ten until something is absolutely perfect. I'm talking "grips me emotionally, makes blood pump, and gets me excited for the future" perfect. This was two of those. Now you have me curious. Which two of those did I hit? You pulled off having three villains well because they all had their purpose, bounced off each other and each have their own unique voice/characterisation, instead of them all blending together. It established the villains very well. They definitely are three very unique villains. I'm glad their dynamic worked out so well. Very well done. I felt like it dragged a bit. Maybe it was just a bit too long. But otherwise I agree with everyone about how well you did. Keep em coming. This flashback arc is admittedly taking longer than I'd like, but I'm not finding much I can cut out without detracting from either the characters' development and the overall plot. I do admit to writing long chapters though. I'd probably have a lot easier time posting these more regularly if I could halve the content of each chapter, but on the other hand this would take twice as many issues. And with this chapter Wonder Woman becomes my favourite series on the site, I loved the interactions between the villians. They bounced off each other really well and they all had distinctive voices. Wow... just wow. Thank you all so much. Very high praises. Hopefully I can keep the momentum up.
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Post by Drake on Feb 5, 2013 18:49:19 GMT -5
Now you have me curious. Which two of those did I hit? The blood pumping and excited for future bits. I was gripped emotionally, but not enough for it to truly make a difference.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 11, 2013 14:20:26 GMT -5
Honest question as I'm writing the next chapter.
Given what you've read so far, and given the "traditional" origins for certain characters...
Would a "relationship" between Diana and Troia be acceptable or creepy?
Part of me thinks that a princess/handmaiden relationship would almost certainly lead to something of that nature in Amazon society. But part of me wonders if that would seem too close to incest, and the last thing I want to do is pull some Ultimate Quicksilver/Scarlet Witch BS in my story.
Thoughts?
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Post by Drake on Feb 11, 2013 18:10:47 GMT -5
Well, is Troia Diana's sister? If not, then it isn't creepy at all. It might be odd at the beginning, but people will get used to it.
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 11, 2013 18:27:50 GMT -5
I think there's an air of creepiness since Donna has been everything from younger version of, sister of, to clone of Diana in the comics. You may not have them related at all in your version, but the comic version will always be hanging over them b
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Post by buck on Feb 11, 2013 18:50:30 GMT -5
My rule of thumb on stuff such as this is if I feel the need to ask someone else about it then it's not a good idea.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 13, 2013 2:48:02 GMT -5
So halfway through the first issue and this demanded a response especially since given our Gamefaqs origins, Stardrifter brings great shame onto the 223.
Jason Biggs.
Andy Wedge.
I picked up on this for four reasons. The first: Jason Biggs is an actor and how he goes from working on the epically awesome new Turtles to this is amazing. The second: I'm a huge Star Wars fan. The Third: I'm also a huge Final Fantasy fan. And the fourth and final: I do it too.
In a collaborative story I do with a group of other writers, whenever we need names for guards, we call them Biggs and Wedge. Two of them have somehow been the most inept guards in two centuries and still live. They're like the gods of guards. Or rather the personification of guards.
Now back to reading.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 13, 2013 3:39:03 GMT -5
About Troia, It's a different society and class, happens all the time. It'd potentially be creepy but so long as it fits the story and is not about the SHOCK or T&A (or this case, S&M) value, then there's nothing fundamental wrong with it.
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As for the issues... I'm going to be coming late to the party a lot lately so I can't add much that hasn't already been said. This a fantastic Ultimatization and while Jack's was interesting in its own right, this has its own majestic feel to it. More epic. Surprises me that for a character with a series that gets a lot of flak, we have managed to have two takes on Wonder Woman that are among the best the site has to offer.
Don't let it go to your head.
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Post by C_Miller on Feb 13, 2013 4:33:35 GMT -5
You know, I don't have too much of an issue with Troia and Diana being... involved. I mean, it all depends on portrayal and and the end of the day, I do a pretty good job of being able to distance the actual characters with the Ultimate versions. So there's that. Wonder Woman started as a BDSM character, so I'd say play that role up to really get to the heart of what IMO Ultimization is all about.
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