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Post by liquidsword34 on Aug 4, 2013 21:34:40 GMT -5
I think the invisible jet stuff wasn't that great, and the fight could've been trimmed down, but other than that I enjoyed it. I like that Diana does seem like an aggressive warrior, without coming off as too blood thirsty, because many WW depictions either have her being a psycho who wants to punch everything or being too much of a pacifist for it to be believable that she's an amazon.
My only real issue's that Cheetah's now suffered through so much shit it's hard to dislike her instead of just feeling really sorry for her. If that's intentional it worked, but the bit with WW being sort of disappointed she didn't hurt her more, then she gets thrown into the sea, then it's revealed she's pretty much lost all free? I was sat reading the scene with the villains just thinking "Poor Cheetah that all seems a bit harsh." Again, if it was intentional as a way to make her into an anti-villain, it worked, but if it wasn't you might want to tone down on piling it onto her.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Sept 30, 2013 21:22:23 GMT -5
Short bit up for Modern Myths up. Short but necessary interlude. Hopefully the next full Wonder Woman chapter won't take too much longer. Once the next UWW is up, I'll clean up my Secret Files thread.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Oct 24, 2013 20:52:24 GMT -5
New Wonder Woman. And this one is an actual full chapter too.
Some of the dialogue I'm not completely happy with, but overall a fun chapter that's taken way too long to write. Hopefully the next won't take as long.
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Post by Drake on Dec 12, 2013 21:28:15 GMT -5
Is this title still ongoing? I hope it is. You've written one hell of a story so far, Bob...or Disciple. I've forgotten which you prefer. Sorry.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Dec 12, 2013 22:51:50 GMT -5
Yup, Ultimate Wonder Woman is still active. And I generally prefer Disciple
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Post by Drake on Dec 13, 2013 11:31:35 GMT -5
K, just checking, haha.
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 22, 2013 19:12:53 GMT -5
Check was a very good story. The dialogue was enjoyable and well done. For a story about two people playing chess, you made it much more intense with all the undertones. Pretty much perfect. Keep em coming.
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Post by Stardrifter on Dec 23, 2013 21:02:45 GMT -5
Latest WW was okay. I agree the dialogue felt a bit off. The scene between Julia and Diana especially. It was so formal and unnatural.
The story is coming along nicely though. I enjoyed the bits with Green Arrow and look forward to the next issue. Keep em coming.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Dec 24, 2013 0:02:52 GMT -5
Yeah, dialogue definitely suffers when I take too long to write a chapter. It doesn't help that dialogue from Diana and Julia is supposed to come off as a little formal and unnatural.
For reference, Julia's personality in this is based off of Dr. Brennan from Bones.
Next chapter will hopefully be up soon. Recent events on the site delayed stuff for a little while.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jan 12, 2014 2:14:35 GMT -5
Ultimate Wonder Woman 10 is up, although the focus isn't on WW this time but on a certain cameo.
As a sort of informal poll, I want to know from the readers which gods and/or myths I should cover in either my Ancient Myths or Modern Myths.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jan 13, 2014 21:56:19 GMT -5
As a sort of informal poll, I want to know from the readers which gods and/or myths I should cover in either my Ancient Myths or Modern Myths. Since we have Team Arrow and I introduced another quasi-archer... My vote goes to the Goddess Artemis and potentially if she favors any in the modern world. --- REVIEWS!!!! Since you asked so nicely for a review on your latest issue... I have to play catch up. 7+8A return to playing - I mean reading - Goddess of War. If I learned anything from these two issues it's that you like knocking people off page. First a train then a forklift. And the second has you running over a cat. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS! Got a nice Doctor Who vibe when Diana mentions talking to animals. Unfortunately, I heard Bale-Batman when she was interrogating Baroness. The cattiness (sorry for the pun) between the Badgirl Trinity is very well done. The earnestness of the two teens is good as well. Loved the use of the apples to try to save Diana. It was impressive (and makes me jealous) you managed to make a fight last for probably 1.3 issues in total. It was great. And Transformed Cheetah was totally Level-Boss potential with having to use what you gained in the level to beat her. As always, love the colored text. Ares was scary but eh, what can you do. He was summoned just for a chat and it reminded me of early episodes of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. Now for the callback to the circus. The appearance of the invisible jet in the rain, while cool, lost something to me cause I didn't know what was going on. Seemed too vague (hypocritical coming from me) for me to follow along. It's something that would have worked better in the visual medium. The final scene between Diana and Steve? The FEELS, man, the FEELS. 9+10Random Notes: 1. Film is so campy. 2. I love Julia. 3. General feeling of Issue 10: I can't figure out if it was a good choice or not to have it be Team Arrow heavy and point of view. It's an interesting effect but I didn't like it. I think I would have recieved it better as a proper crossover where the story continued over in Green Arrow. Okay proper review time. Lots of exposition. Lots of history. A great character in Julia. It's a nice change for the previous two issues and for the most part the dialogue pieces flowed seamlessly into the next. Badass when Diana goes all bold text in her introduction. “Hey, down in front!” Etta shouted. The figure turned around, and one growl from the wrinkled, scarred grimace, highlighted only by the light from the projector, was enough for Etta to immediately shut up, cowering in her seat. Several other tourists took one look at the hulking shadow and fled as quickly as possible. Others, like Vanessa and the others, were too scared to move and hoped he was just there to watch the show. I wonder who that could be. ^_^ I liked a few of the gags with Ollie in number 10. Action wasn't the greatest this time around. Don't know if it was the writing or my current daze from the weather but I kept glossing over it and having to read it multiple times. I still don't know where Ollie used his grapple arrow. While I loved Dinah's pointing out the obvious at the end of the exhibit and makes you think, I feel the exhibit itself went on a tad too long when combined with the last issue. Of course most people won't have that problem since unlike me, they read 9 months ago. Finally... Yay! The logo I uploaded for you finally made its appearance.
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Post by Drake on Jan 15, 2014 21:05:06 GMT -5
It was a long ass issue, but it also served as one helluva fun story. Green Arrow was appropriately funny, reminding me of his JLU incarnation, and his dynamic with BC was in character and fun. I agree with Wachter that it was a bit odd that Wonder Woman didn't have the POV and was relegated to punching and a couple lines.
8/10
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jan 16, 2014 22:33:10 GMT -5
Modern Myths 1
There is quite some witty dialogue here that bounces back and forth. For an issue that is just two people talking, that is a pretty damn remarkable feat. The Chess dialogue especially is something you should be proud of. For someone like me who goes braindead when it comes to the rules of chess, I'm proud to say this did not kill me. It's interesting to see Ares appearance in this as opposed to when he was summoned. Quite interesting... Wonder what his followers would think.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 2, 2014 1:59:50 GMT -5
The Green Arrow/BC bit was a welcome change of pace for me to write from a different viewpoint, but their primary purpose (along with the museum scene) was to get some needed exposition out of the way. Perhaps one day I'll get to do a side story of Diana Trevor's actual exploits in WW2, but not right now.
To Wachter: he used the grapple arrow directly after the oil slick arrow to get himself and BC out of the way of Ubermensch sliding through the wall.
Much thanks to Adrini for lending me her characters.
Issue 11 is now up, ending this whole Ubermensch mini-arc.
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Post by Drake on Feb 2, 2014 11:38:39 GMT -5
I enjoyed this issue a lot. Wonder Woman and Ubermench's fight scene was epic, reminiscent of the Man of Steel fight scene, only less destructive. This in and of itself is a bit ironic as Wonder Woman would probably care less than Superman about property damage. Anyway, back to the chapter at hand. Your characterization is as spot on and fun as usual. You add enough humor to the title so it doesn't get weighed down in drama. In fact, I think the humor helps to accentuate the drama. Your story continues to feel more and more like a Greek Myth, much in the vein of Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
My only real complaint is that for a good chunk of the issue, Diana didn't really feel like the main character. Sure, she was the center of the story and what everything revolved around, but it felt like she didn't get a lot of screen time till that last fight. Maybe it wouldn't have stood out so much to me if it wasn't for last issue's different POV, but I definitely felt like Diana deserved a little more time in the spotlight outside of battle. 8/10
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 4, 2014 18:51:12 GMT -5
Time for the latest edition of Goddess of Wonder.
Brought back by popular desire for transparency: It is quite hard to believe that a two normal girls after a few hours of research and a woman who has studied to know it can know figure out things that say governments, information brokers, and have the ability to retain knowledge cannot guess after weeks to months of research. Now don't touch my posts again without first asking me to take them down... politely.
Other than that, a lot of your dialogue is lost because you put it in the middle or end of paragraphs. Characters speaking generally comes across stronger when they're at the beginning. Hiding the one liners of WW VS UBER in the meat of the battle bits has both aspects lose impact. Ha... I made a pun. Fight was suitably epic but as we've learned in reading Goddess of Wonder, that's one of your strong suits. I have to agree with Drake on the lack of Diana. That's two issues in a row where she's felt like a side character in her own title. That said, an argument could be made that this arc was made ABOUT Wonder Woman and her mythos instead being her specific adventure given the level of exposition and the differing POVs. Depends on how you look at it.
This is a case of "One after another" and falls into what I meant about the strength of starting the paragraph/sentence off by speaking. Feels more like hitting beats instead of trying to make it flow organically. It reads like: "A ball falls down a hill. It fell because I pushed it. I pushed it cause it's stupid. It hits a bump."
What you have is a dynamic ending but it's not powerful.
Still looking forward to the next issue. Sad that Old Man Steve didn't have an appearance. Love that old guy.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 5, 2014 16:06:47 GMT -5
I can see how lack of focus on Diana could be an issue, especially since last issue was primarily from the cameo's POV. I'll more likely be able to do more Diana-centric stuff in the future now that her residence has been established, I can hopefully start having her interact more with man's world. I will say that her host-family's character development is just as important, at least in this part of the story. I can see what you mean about the dialogue, Wachter. I think this was more of a case of being forced to add awkward descriptive text just to make it clear who's speaking. I do appreciate the comparison to the Percy Jackson series. As long as it's the books and not the godawful movies.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 5, 2014 18:18:43 GMT -5
Hey. The movies DID have Rosario Dawson.
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Post by Drake on Feb 5, 2014 18:28:32 GMT -5
And they still sucked...sadly.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 5, 2014 19:15:46 GMT -5
But it wasn't HER fault.
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