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Post by shadowflames43 on Jun 28, 2011 2:21:51 GMT -5
Before any reviews go up, I'd just like to throw it out there that I'm more of a concept guy. That isn't to say what I wrote is bad or that I feel it is bad. But this was all written on the base of a concept. The big issue to come from that is likely pacing, as at times, it just felt a little off with me, but at the same time, I wasn't compelled to try and squeeze more in at those points.
That said, I had trouble writing the character. Drawing from the TV show, I had the urge to litter it with heavy slang. At the same time, I don't want to go through the trouble of writing a ton of dialogue in slang only for people to ask what it means. However, if it feels a little disjointed or bogged down one way or the other at times, this is why.
I have read some of the Static stuff from Milestone, and I decided I'd use some cue. However, expect more elements from the comic to come forth as I get deeper in the rabbit hole.
The second issue is done, and will be posted on the 19th or when I finish the 4th issue, which ever comes first.
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Post by buck on Jun 28, 2011 2:40:45 GMT -5
Pretty good start. Only issue is it could use some extra proofreading. I believe you had blonde twice in Rick's description and also Virgil's father being very upset about Virgil carrying a guy. I like the start though and felt you hit very good characters. Channeling some Peter Parker into Static I like it.
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Post by shadowflames43 on Jun 28, 2011 2:45:12 GMT -5
Ha, I proof read it before posting it. It being 3 AM, I just missed a few things I guess.
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Post by buck on Jun 28, 2011 2:48:46 GMT -5
Understandable just wanted to point it out I'm usually up pretty late and you can always send me a pm and ask me to proofread your work sometimes it's just a fresh eyes type of thing.
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Post by jackalope on Jun 28, 2011 5:30:23 GMT -5
I didn't really like how it started, with all of the descriptions of the characters, but past that it really picked up. The story seems compelling and I want to know what happens next. I don't know why but I really liked Wade (too much of the 'Wire'?). Good work.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jun 28, 2011 8:07:32 GMT -5
Dialogue felt choppy in some places. I didn't mind the descriptions of characters since it is something I believe should be done if you're changing things up or your believe you have a lesser known cast.
Felt it was decent start. Interesting to see Big Bang powered furnaces. I don't think they'll be buying them up in Bludhaven. And know you say you had trouble with the character but I still heard Phil LaMarr for his voice.
Oh. *High Five* Us teenage types have to stick together. Good to see someone else starting in the Fall. (Though, I'm pretty sure it's Homecoming, not Home Coming)
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 29, 2011 12:34:54 GMT -5
It wasn't a bad start. I think at times you were a bit repetative with your writing. Saying the same thing twice when once was enough. The plot was interesting and your characters felt distinct. Keep em coming.
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Post by superecwfan1 on Jul 13, 2011 20:43:18 GMT -5
Yeah I liked the whole school setting and the set up with F-Stop and the gangs of Dakota . Ill keep reading more as time allows me.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jul 23, 2011 16:19:46 GMT -5
A lot of dialogue but you filled it out well. Looks like you, Miller, and I all went overboard with length this week.
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Post by jackalope on Jul 24, 2011 0:17:05 GMT -5
Good follow up, only remember bits and pieces of the cartoon so I look forward to seeing the story and other characters as they develop.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 31, 2011 14:23:31 GMT -5
Plot was good. I do feel like your dialogue is off. It doesn't flow naturally. Maybe try speaking the dialogue as you proofread to see how it sounds.
I never watched the show so I don't know how close you're following it. But it's an interesting start. Keep 'em coming.
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