Death Is Nigh: Suicide Squad Discussion

[Ultimate Silentking]

Just putting this up in advance.

[Ultimate Silentking]

Updated the Secret Files to include pictures and names of all of the Suicide Squad members.

[Ultimate Silentking]

Almost done! Just a few more paragraphs, a cliffhanger, permission from Cmiller and editing.

Edit: What I mean by permission, is asking to use a name that is the alias of one of his villains.

[Ultimate Silentking]

Finally finished Suicide Squad number one! Sorry if I change my present and past tenses a lot. I tried to make sure there was none of that, but I might has missed some. That is something people claimed about last take on Suicide Squad, so I am hoping to get rid of that flaw of mine. Let me know if there is a lot of the switching between tenses or if there is even one.

Also, each story arc will be centered on one character. This one is obviously based on Drake. Oh, Fun fact: I tried to put in another member of the squad in, but didn't know how to do so without breaking the flow too much or making the story longer than I intended. (Actually, there was a lot of other stuff I wanted to put in, but it would have made the first issue too long.)

Anyway, hope you enjoyed and thanks to MRP for the many advices while editing the story.

[Stardrifter]

It was pretty good. If I had any criticisms, its some proofreading and that it felt very short. And idiotic moron is redundant.

I know next to nothing about Uncharted, so I don't know about your take on Nathan. The action was good though. While I would have liked more(it felt like half an issue), what's there is good. Keep em coming.

[Ultimate Silentking]

Weak argument: The idiotic moron part was just to emphasize how stupid the man was.

Admittedly it was short (It is over 2000 words, but I still thought that it was a short story), I couldn't think of a better place to end it. Well I can, but that would probably have people say the story was too long if I did so. Plus, I didn't have enough time (Caused by laziness ) Anyway, thanks for the feedback.

Also, something else I forgot to add. Can anyone guess who captured Drake in the beginning? I left a small clue to his identity, but that clue should be more than enough.

[buck]

So I have to say from the first sentence you had issues with proof reading a wave surges while waves surge. I'm not someone who has a real editor eye but that struck me as we'll as other errors in the first paragraph.

Aside from the proof reading the issue was enjoyably the action was a bit jerky in some spots but still fun.

And you write a killer Drake.

[Ultimate Silentking]

Yeah, I didn't have enough time to have MRP take a second look through the issue. In fact, I had made that edit about an hour before I posted the issue. Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I will try to improve in the future.

[liquidsword34]

Drake was likeable and well written, a really good character. However, the proof reading errors were a huge problem. I counted four in the first paragraph alone, for example. The tense also changed a few times.

[Ultimate Silentking]

Sorry about that. I will try to not make so many mistakes next issue. I will also keep a better eye for the changes in tense, which seems to be my biggest flaw.

[Deleted]

Ok, so just read the issue.

You addressed a lot of the plot, character, and structure concerns I asked you about when I read your initial draft, and did a good job fleshing things out and making them clearer and more consistent. The action sequence flows much better now and the bit you added at the end works well.

However, you did not address the tense issues as others have mentioned and we didn't even begin to get a chance to look at copyedits because you were so tight against the deadline, so there are a whole lot of issues there .

So there is a solid foundation there, the characterization is solid and gives an easy in for readers to Drake as a character, and the action is well done, but it still needs a lot of editing and polishing (you know the hard boring parts of writing where the work is done). I think that if this issue had been done with more time before the deadline a lot of what has been mentioned could have been addressed, so take it as a lesson learned with deadlines and discipline, and if you do so I am confident future issues can be cleaner than this one in terms of grammar, typos, etc.

-M

[Ultimate Silentking]

Yeah, waiting so far into the deadline was a terrible idea. I will let you know when the next issue is ready for a look over, MRP.

[unchartedfan1]

It had some problems, but as far as I'm concerned it's a solid issue. I feel it sets up your focus of the title and it's a major improvement over your last issue.

[Drake]

I said I'd read it and I have. You're welcome, by the way. ;D

I'm not going to repeat what others have said. Tense errors, grammar issues, etc. The action and characterization were good, as the others have stated. I will say, however, that some of the wording got awkward and it just read weirdly in a few places. And that might be because of grammar issues.

Overall it was good. And for a first issue it was even better. Just fix a few grammar things and continue writing and it'll get better and better! 7/10 (That's a pretty good in my book, btw).

[DiscipleofBob]

I really enjoyed your previous Suicide Squad before the reboot, and was really looking forward to the first issue.

Unfortunately, it completely focused on the one character I had no interest in, so I found myself a little disappointed.

I've never played any of Nathan Drake's games, but they looked very Indiana Jonesey, and if that's the case then you pulled off the setting and story very well. The torture scene was supsenseful, the action scene was a rush of adrenaline, all very good stuff. The imagery was excellent was well. Full 10 for writing and style.

But even for being just about Nathan Drake, it seemed to fall short. I didn't get the sense of a full chapter out of this, and I'm kind of dreading that Nathan Drake will continue to be the main focus for a while.

[Ultimate Silentking]

As I said earlier, each story arc will be focused on one character. The first will be focused on Nathan Drake because he is gonna be the newest member of the Squad. Next will be either Bronze Tiger or Clock King. I haven't decided yet, although I have the next arc planned out.

Edit: Also, Nathan Drake was inspired by Indiana Jones, so yes I was going for a similar feeling. Also, the reason why the chapter felt short was because it would only be about three pages if you print it out. My last two issues pre-reboot was about six pages. Probably the same for a lot of other people. Oh, and don't worry. Drake will be the focus for only two more issues.

[Ultimate Silentking]

I might drop this. I am running out of time and my restriction from the computer is not helping. To clarify, I am using a phone to typed this. You can probably see how it is working out for me. Also, I am flat out not allowed to use the computer and am probably breaking rules when a use a computer at my other parent's house. Again, this is not a certainty! Just an early warning.

[buck]

Hope you get everything figured out would definitely miss you around the site.

[Ultimate Silentking]

I won't be going away. Just not be able to write stories. At least not without anyone doing a collab with me.

Edit: With the amount of time I was given, I will be able to get #2 done for sure. Except issues #2-4 by the end of February. Maybe even #5 if there is enough time.