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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2013 1:01:31 GMT -5
Issue one is finally up. I'm writing this in a style I have very little experience with, so it was a far more time consuming process than I would have liked. Despite that it still wound up being a bit on the short side. Hopefully I'll have some of the kinks worked out for the next issue.
On a side note I'd like to apologize for not being more active on the boards. Between work and my personal life time has been at a bit of a premium lately.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on May 31, 2013 11:13:50 GMT -5
I think it was surprisingly the perfect length for the style you're going for. Been awhile since I read an issue one that left me wanting to know more. Very noir. Smart choice in going first person. Bard comes across as quite the interesting protagonist with a fantastic voice (literally, a fantastic voice in the way he speaks too). Reminds me a bit of the direction I was going to go with him.
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As a slight reminder. Remember, Batman's changed hands so Gotham might not be the same as when you talked with Buck. Nothing you did really goes against the grain too much so there was nothing wrong with this issue and it's references. Though depending on his tenure as a cop, it might change his opinion of Batman.
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Post by liquidsword34 on May 31, 2013 11:24:49 GMT -5
I thought the length was perfect. In my mind the length should fit your content, which it did. Nothing felt rushed or stretched out. I know from personal experience that writing in first person can be difficult, but you pulled it off well. Keep em coming.
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Post by Stardrifter on May 31, 2013 12:59:06 GMT -5
It was well done for what it was. I personally don't like noir crime type stories, but this was written well. I agree that the choice of first person narration worked well for this. Keep em coming.
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Post by buck on May 31, 2013 23:33:04 GMT -5
Okay the opening was perfect. Established everything we need to know about Bard in about 600 words so bravo there.
Classic little twist in the story, but you pull it off so well.
You did a great job laying out Gotham's tone. Was well worth the wait.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2013 23:59:55 GMT -5
As a slight reminder. Remember, Batman's changed hands so Gotham might not be the same as when you talked with Buck. Nothing you did really goes against the grain too much so there was nothing wrong with this issue and it's references. Though depending on his tenure as a cop, it might change his opinion of Batman. I actually edited the reference to make it as vague as possible while still getting the basic point across. I'll definitely keep that in mind going forward as well. Bard will mostly be operating on the fringes for the time being anyway, so any changes to the Batman title shouldn't have any serious impact on my story. |
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jun 1, 2013 2:31:27 GMT -5
As a slight reminder. Remember, Batman's changed hands so Gotham might not be the same as when you talked with Buck. Nothing you did really goes against the grain too much so there was nothing wrong with this issue and it's references. Though depending on his tenure as a cop, it might change his opinion of Batman. I actually edited the reference to make it as vague as possible while still getting the basic point across. I'll definitely keep that in mind going forward as well. Bard will mostly be operating on the fringes for the time being anyway, so any changes to the Batman title shouldn't have any serious impact on my story. Well, technically, it would and should but that'll depend on the when your story is taking place. But I'll get you details once we both have a couple of issues up. Suffice to say, what's mentioned in GA 4 that takes place in March of 2013 only gets worse. Jersey is not a safe place to be this year... at all. Tis one of the dangers of working in someone else's city. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2013 5:33:22 GMT -5
I really enjoyed that. The length, well, for me I could have had more but it didn't leave anything wanting. I've been reading a lot of Chandler and Hammett recently, so this strikes a chord I'm really enjoying.
All in all, I'd say a fantastic debut. My only real thing to point out is sometimes it was a little exposition heavy, not like the infamous info dump, but there were little pockets where it felt like he was addressing the reader directly, rather than it being something that was coming from his point of view. Nothing major and nothing too jarring, I just didn't want to say this was perfect! Because it's bloody close.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jun 9, 2013 22:00:45 GMT -5
Pretty much agree with everyone else. I will be looking forward to more and especially find out how Bard gets out of what happened to him at the end of issue 1. 8.5/10
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jun 11, 2013 9:55:54 GMT -5
Not much I can say that hasn't been done already. Great Noir story. Excellent protagonist, love the reference (though you may also want to take a look at Haven and Demon Knights on the site for other Gotham-related stuff to reference as well). I seem to have this problem when it comes to crime noir or anything similar, I keep picturing Sam and Max in the same situation for disturbing/hilarious results. Though I guess any mystery of this tale is less of a whodunnit since based on your first chapter we know exactly whodunnit. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2013 1:09:42 GMT -5
Issue two is finally up after a plethora of computer problems. I've had to re-construct this chapter three times, and I'm not entirely comfortable with how it turned out as a result. I'm currently saving up for a new computer, so hopefully the problems I had will soon be a thing of the past.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jul 10, 2013 2:17:16 GMT -5
I think it is a great follow up issue with my only complaint that it is short. Maybe because it is either fast paced or I am so excited for more that I get disappointed when it ends so soon. Both instances have happened before. If this chapter is as long as the last one than it is the explanations I had mentioned. At this rate, Detective Comics will take over as my most favorite series on the site. I really need a title to take over Demon Knights since it has ended both here and in the comics. I miss Demon Knights...  8.5/10 |
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Jul 10, 2013 11:26:20 GMT -5
Issue two is finally up after a plethora of computer problems. I've had to re-construct this chapter three times, and I'm not entirely comfortable with how it turned out as a result. You should be. It's great. The interrogation room banter was hilarious. The mystery only deepens further with hints that there are plenty of higher-ups involved. And now we have a foil for our main detective. Keep up the great work! |
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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 12, 2013 20:33:56 GMT -5
I think Bards mouthing off went on just a tad too long, but otherwise it was another great issue. Impressive use of legal jargon. No idea how accurate it is, but by my years of cop shows it seemed fictionally correct at least. Keep em coming.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Jul 15, 2013 14:55:35 GMT -5
I liked it. It was on the short side but still feels like a complete chapter in a story, which helped. The first person perspective is especially well utilized.
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Post by captcleghorn on Aug 18, 2013 19:56:04 GMT -5
I liked it as well. I also had the advantage of reading both chapters back to back but I am wanting to see Bard and Bradley partnering up. Slam's looking at Bard somewhat less than approvingly makes his job tougher, but it shows that Bradley does have a moral compass, which is good. It puts Jason between cops and crooks, not being able to fully trust either side. Fun stuff.
The dialog was OK, I wasn't crazy about the noir detective style, but that's personal taste, not a statement of quality. I do plan on following the story, though.
One question, why wasn't a lack of gunshot residue an issue? And yeah, my knowledge is all due to cop shoes.
In any case, my first review here and I like the stories.
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8.5/10