MCML: Ultimate Seven Soldiers Discussion

[captcleghorn]

I had put this in another thread/board and was advised this may be a better place for it. I'm still playing the noob card, so be gentle, OK?

Hello, I'm currently working on the first issue of Ultimate Seven Soldiers of Victory. The book's going to be written old style. Full cast int he first part, separate heroes in each subsequent chapter and then everyone assembles in the end.

What I actually prefer in SSV over JSA is that the SSV are much more normal. Relatively minor powers and a few devices, but generally not too much. Plus, it's 1950! Real events and real people, how would our heroes be rubbing elbows with the 1950 USA in their civilian identities?

There's a lot about the current (1950) state of society and aliens.

I'm a pretty tight continuity guy, so ages and jobs and locations will all be kept as much as I can. Well, actually, I'm 50% continuity nut and 50% too lazy to come up with a new plot.

Big difference is that I'm using TNT and Dan the Dyna-mite instead of Green Arrow and Speedy. Pretty much everything else in the same as pre-crisis Earth. I plan on using occasional mentions of JSAers but no appearances. The mentions will probably be of the envious variety.

Anyway, this is a seven issue story. prolog, 5 chapters and an epilog. If I survive this, well ... we'll see.

Please feel free to comment and give me any ideas.

[Ultimate Silentking]

You certainly got my interest.

[captcleghorn]

The first LONG issue of 7SV goes up tonight!

[Stardrifter]

I'm on my phone right now, clicked on the issue to read, and saw that it looks like a wall of text. You might consider putting spaces between paragraphs like everyone else does to help break things up. I'm going to wait till I can get to my computer to read it as it is now.

[Ultimate Silentking]

I seconded the notion that there should be spaces between paragraphs. I will do a proper review when I am done reading.

[captcleghorn]

Spaces put in between words and all single and double quotes have been replaced.

[Stardrifter]

There's still some problems toward the end. A lot of your punctuation comes up as symbols.

All in all, it wasn't a bad start. It wasn't terribly exciting. As a first issue looking to grip the reader, it was kind of a letdown. You also fell prey to the old problem of telling rather than showing. You simply exposition dump a lot of info rather than show the reader through the story.

On the plus side, you got the feeling of the time period down. For the most part the dialogue was good and evoked the era. There's a lot of potential here for an exciting series. I think this issue just needed a bit more time in the oven.

Keep em coming.

[adrini]

I have an admission to make. I watch a lot of post war movies and tv shows. Just can't stand 90% of modern programming.

You pegged the feel of the era. The half seedy, have happy "now what" that followed post war. It was the age of the cocktail party, lots of roles and social scripting as millions of men settled back home, and women were fired in droves. Everyone started to settle. You pinned it.

The characters fit on the world, not ready to settle, still wanting to work. It was quite common. The chapter was an intro chapter, which is a good idea for a first one. It flowed well.

The only real challenge, not your fault, is making the iconic characters fit in a fairly mundane world as heros. Riding a horse and such is very comic bookie. With many of the characters on this site the trick is to make is believable.