|
|
Post by cross on Dec 16, 2015 12:58:58 GMT -5
Ultimate Threshold #1 has been posted. I had a lot of fun with this title and am having a very free feeling while writing it. I have a small intro arc set up that will get everyone kind of up to speed on what the rules are in this sector of space and who the characters are. Enjoy!
|
|
|
|
Post by DiscipleofBob on Dec 16, 2015 15:00:59 GMT -5
I have not read your first chapter, but I will try to do so tonight.
First I wanted to give my first impression based solely on the claims list. It looks like some combination of Guardians of the Galaxy and Firefly only set in the DC universe. If so, I am 152% excited for this.
If I'm wrong, maybe only 150% excited. Still looks awesome and all. I look forward to reading it soon.
|
|
|
|
Post by Drake on Dec 17, 2015 10:45:19 GMT -5
I'm reviewing this as I go along.
-You're handling the sci fi terminology and world building well. It's not overladen with nonsense words or banal phrases.
-You describe the Gordanian slaver ship, and then have someone say the exact same thing. It's redundant. Stick to the dialogue, not "telling." Also, we don't know what a Gordanian slaver ship looks like, so you could describe it more. In fact, all the ships could use more description.
-The pilot ordered the captain around? ....what? K'Rot is progressively becoming unlikeable and incompetent. He's the captain. Take control.
-Your characters lack appropriate descriptions too. "Old man" and "female" don't cut it.
-I feel like Kyle is supposed to be the Han Solo/Star Lord type, but he's not that funny. Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, though.
-Again, you handle the sci fi aspects really well.
-So....Starr just abandoned his friends?
-Shayera's idea of a good fight is OHKO'ing a sneaky guard? Okay. She's officially lived a boring space pirate life.
-I'm sorry if this is harsh so far. I'm just going through this and typing whatever I notice as I watch Empire Strikes Back. I'm actually really enjoying this.
-"you good folks" was awkward.
-Kyle loved Kori because she kissed him? That's kinda sad....
-The "I love you too" line was pretty funny, but, again, pathetic.
-You didn't describe Kori's fiery hair, which is her defining physical characteristic.
-Green Lantern rings can heal? That's a new trick, but I'm not necessarily against it.
This was a fun issue. There were a few glaring errors that could be fixed with more careful planning and proofreading. Overall, though, it's a fun start to what I'm sure will be a fun title!
7/10
|
|
|
|
Post by cross on Dec 17, 2015 21:10:53 GMT -5
Harsh but I get what you're saying. After I wrote the issue I realized that I hadn't described the characters or the ships very well which is something I need to do going forward in a sci fi style story. I'll work on it. Starr and K'Rot are long time friends but are both aged and opinionated. I didn't explain it well in terms of their relationship but there is a healthy respect yet banter between them. I didn't mean to make K'Rot look like a bad Captain.
|
|
|
|
Post by ericthepilot on Dec 20, 2015 22:29:05 GMT -5
This definitely has a real Firefly feel to it, a lot of the beats here kind of mime the pilot. That's not a bad thing, necessarily, and I'm sure you'll begin to establish an identity for the series as it goes along, but following the Firefly/Guardians/Outlaw Star formula too closely is something to be wary of.
But I definitely would have to echo what Drake said about how K'Rot is being depicted, on Serenity, no one would have mouthed off to Mal the way everyone does here. We can deal with and even love a selfish brigand, but he really doesn't seem all that likable or competent if everyone else on the crew runs over him. One wonders what use he actually serves. But I'm sure that's something that will come through in subsequent issues.
I would have liked to see more of the Gordanians fighting here. I get that they're slavers, and it's certainly difficult to empathize with someone on the wrong side of a pretty black and white moral issue, but the impression we get is that our "heroes" just slaughtered a ship full of incompetents since we don't really see ANY of the slavers actually put up a fight to justify a battle to the death. If they were that easily taken out, surely they could have at least tossed them in a life boat and flung them toward the Green Lanterns? Or at least toward an uninhabited planet? The crew of the Threshold kind of come off as murderers, not rogues.
It's a solid beginning, good sci-fi action fun. It's tricky to establish a whole new world with a lot of moving parts, but I'm sure you'll manage them nicely. Keep up the good work.
|
|
|
|
Post by cross on Dec 30, 2015 9:42:45 GMT -5
I posted this message on the claims thread but I figured I would post it here as well:
I hate to make this announcement but I am putting Threshold on hiatus for a while. I fully intend to come back to it (I have the 2nd issue finished already) just not in the near future. An opportunity to write a title that I have been wanting since coming to this site has opened up and I cant pass this chance up. I don't know how everyone feels about one-shots or not often updated titles (Astro City) but I would like to come back to Threshold and continue it someday. Sorry to drop this.
|
|
