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Post by Toriach on May 23, 2011 19:00:27 GMT -5
Part one of issue one is up. In it we get to meet our hero? Who's kind of like the illegitimate love child of Bugs Bunny and The Son Of Sam.
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Post by thekillingjoke on May 24, 2011 16:42:48 GMT -5
I read it, and I enjoyed it. It was short, no doubt, but I see nothing wrong with that. It had that very "comic book-y" vibe to it which may or may not be a good thing depending on the tone you want to take with future issues. But I think that's applicable to all the material on the site at this point. The greatest challenge I place upon myself personally is to think outside the "crime-fighting superhero" box, which gets difficult, believe me.
But anyway, I'm going on a tangent. You're a good writer and I look forward to seeing where this goes. The speed with which you posted your first issues is very impressive compared to someone slow and methodical like me. Also, You should read over your issues once or twice before you post and proofread a little more.
Nice work, Toriach.
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Post by jross on May 24, 2011 23:56:12 GMT -5
A bit loony, a bit mysterious. All it needed were Adam West-style sound effect cards! Nice intro.
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Post by darthphere on May 25, 2011 0:02:34 GMT -5
Definitely enjoyed the feel of it. The Creeper is a tough character to write but it seems like you know what you're doing. Definitely enjoyed the read.
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Post by superecwfan1 on May 25, 2011 11:53:57 GMT -5
I enjoyed the 1st issue. I had hoped there was more to see. But I guess thats the draw for #2. To wait and see that 2nd part. Good story man.
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Post by C_Miller on May 25, 2011 12:21:58 GMT -5
It was short, but I feel you got your point across anyways. Like Manhunters, I don't know much about Creeper, so I'm having trouble furthering my review because of that. But I'm sure soon enough that will change through your series.
Also the speed and which you updated these, there was really no need for all the claiming problems. I can definitely tell you're here to stay.
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Post by Toriach on May 25, 2011 15:29:59 GMT -5
Hey guys,
Thanks for all the great feedback.
I would like to clear up one totally understandable misconception...
What I posted for both is literal the first chapters of each issue, not the whole first issue.
I just know me, and if I waited I'd run the risk of my excitement getting drowned in the munedanity that is my life. *L* So I've decided to do these a bit like a chap book. I'll put each section up as I write it, and then later will go back and do slight (he hopes) revision as needed.
Plus I will admit I wanted to hit the ground running to repay the good faith you fine folks have invested in lil ol me.
Anyway I got off work a little early so hoping to have the next chapter for at least one and hopefully both written and posted later on.
Take
It
Easy
Toriach
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Post by thekillingjoke on May 25, 2011 17:52:31 GMT -5
Hey guys, Thanks for all the great feedback. I would like to clear up one totally understandable misconception... What I posted for both is literal the first chapters of each issue, not the whole first issue. I just know me, and if I waited I'd run the risk of my excitement getting drowned in the munedanity that is my life. *L* So I've decided to do these a bit like a chap book. I'll put each section up as I write it, and then later will go back and do slight (he hopes) revision as needed. Plus I will admit I wanted to hit the ground running to repay the good faith you fine folks have invested in lil ol me. Anyway I got off work a little early so hoping to have the next chapter for at least one and hopefully both written and posted later on. Take It Easy Toriach Ah, well, in that case pay no mind to my comments about length. |
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Post by spiderfan on May 25, 2011 21:28:30 GMT -5
While not much was shown about who the people were and it was short, you did a very good job at telling me what kind of series this will be with this introduction. Heroes stopping a rape is a very common device, but I like the comedic turn toward the middle. Added some flavor to it.
Very solid.
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Post by jackalope on Jun 1, 2011 8:40:13 GMT -5
Seriously good writing. Introducing the characters and the setup so excellently. Can't wait to see what plays out.
Keep it up.
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Post by thekillingjoke on Jun 3, 2011 18:45:31 GMT -5
This is good. Clearly it's well thought out and there's a lot of details, but then again we don't need every little detail. What you might want to consider is that you're doing a lot of telling but not much showing. Also, proofread. Proofreading sucks, but the quality goes up a lot after a few rewrites.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 19, 2011 9:09:19 GMT -5
I liked it. Got a nice tone. I think the second part suffered from being very exposition heavy. Hopefully now that that backstory is out of the way we can get into juicier bits.
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Post by entertainer13 on Jun 19, 2011 21:21:43 GMT -5
Everything Star said is spot on. Solid writing, decent characterization, exposition heavy. There are some grammar and style changes I'd go for, but I don't think its necessary to go into detail here, right now.
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Post by buck on Jun 19, 2011 23:13:38 GMT -5
I really enjoyed the first two entries. Definitely will be keeping an eye on your entries.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Jun 19, 2011 23:16:38 GMT -5
I disagree with Star. While it was exposition heavy, you portrayed it in such a manner that I enjoyed reading it and it got a few grins from me.
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Post by blueeyeddevil on Jun 20, 2011 0:52:27 GMT -5
Nice so far. Your style is good, you built good tension in the first part. Only area I thought was a little exposition heavy was Ray Raymond's background. Went a little deeper into the past there then you needed to. Kinda slowed the peace down.
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