|
Post by buck on Sept 8, 2011 22:29:06 GMT -5
It was enjoyable a little slow in some parts but overall I can't wait to see where you go with it from here.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Sept 8, 2011 22:40:19 GMT -5
Yeah. I'll say that only the last scene was "essential." But as a writer I felt like I needed to provide more insight into the characters for some coming plot points.
|
|
|
Post by buck on Sept 8, 2011 22:58:24 GMT -5
No, I agree that the whole issue was needed and that I'm sure you are setting things up for future issues here. I like the way you are tying together your two titles by the way.
|
|
|
Post by jackalope on Sept 10, 2011 3:59:04 GMT -5
I'm not really against it, but I didn't really understand the reasoning behind Barry confessing his identity. I liked it though, good interaction, nice to see the JSA included. Off to read their issue next.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Sept 10, 2011 8:44:50 GMT -5
Yeah. I mention it in the next issue. It was kind of one of those things that I needed to get done so I kind of forced it into this issue rather than clutter the next one.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Sept 14, 2011 19:26:02 GMT -5
I agree the identity reveal was off. They should have just called him Barry and mentioned it being his daughter loud enough for the crowd to hear.
Other than that it was good. Not sure you got the "voice" of a young woman down quite believably, but it wasn't horrible. The plot is still quite good and it was fun seeing everyone together.
Keep 'em coming.
*EDIT*
There were a lot of spelling mistakes. Some even using a word completely wrong. Just needed some proof reading.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Sept 14, 2011 20:18:08 GMT -5
Hmm... I'm usually pretty careful about spelling errors. I'll give it a look see and see where I dropped the ball. Thanks for pointing that out.
I may go back and change the reveal as well. It does seem clunky to me.
And as for the voice of a young woman? Yeah, you're most likely right. You do tend to write with the voices of the people you're around and I never spent time with your typical college aged girl. Most of the girls I spent time with talked more like your typical college guy. Alas. And I'm so far removed from high school that I don't recall how they talked then. Luckily for all parties involved Jessie will not be this age for much longer. Unfortunately, I have 3 women that age in JSA...
|
|
|
Post by thekillingjoke on Sept 14, 2011 20:57:57 GMT -5
For the most part, teenaged girls aren't a complicated lot. Believe me. When the stereotypical teenaged girl talks, she uses an incredibly limited vocabulary. Anything beyond two syllables is rare. In addition, she talks about boys, whatever movie or book happens to be popular, clothes, and hair. If she doesn't care about these things, she's probably been abused and/or neglected in some way.
Samples of teenaged girl dialogue:
"Oh my God, I love your hair!" "You use a lot of big words." "He's such a creeper." "You look so adorable." "Um, I don't know." "He was like a superhero or something."
It's rare you'll encounter a teenaged girl who isn't painfully stupid. Want her to be deep? Give her a shitty childhood or low socioeconomic status.
|
|
|
Post by superecwfan1 on Sept 16, 2011 16:37:02 GMT -5
I really enjoyed #6 for the birthday party of Jessie Quick. It was a nice read and seeing the wide supporting cast of the JSA around. Plus the children of the JSA. I had no issues with the teenage dialogue because really...its not like were really gonna capture the voices of teens 100% lol. I could see us doing what the 70s Teen Titans tried and failing. (If anyone remembers it , it had Robin saying someone was a hepcat or some silly thing in a panel ha ha)
Overall I liked seeing Wally Idolize Barry and wanna be a cop. But he's not really as good at that and he hasn't found his direction yet. I also enjoyed the ending with Thawne returning. Nice read.
|
|
|
Post by thekillingjoke on Sept 17, 2011 22:42:25 GMT -5
Hepcat, ha. Isn't that something from the 50's?
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Sept 27, 2011 0:24:29 GMT -5
I'm re-writing Flash #6. I'm doing a little bit of cutting and adding to make it a more coherent narrative. I felt it was too uneven, trying to be two different stories. One with Barry's personal life and one with the Speed Force arc. Hope you like it.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Oct 2, 2011 13:27:01 GMT -5
Okay. I did Flash #6 and I ended up changing more than I planned. Pretty much the whole issue, even things I liked. I decided to up the stakes a bit. I hope you guys like it.
Oh and I didn't mention it outright Wally and Jessie have the same relationship as they did in the original issue 6.
|
|
|
Post by jackalope on Oct 3, 2011 1:21:12 GMT -5
Very different from your other one, but good. I got really confused thinking it followed on from the last one. I do think it works better all around. I think Zoom's threat was better, and whatever is happening with Max Mercury- it seems cool. Look forward to whats coming.
|
|
|
Post by Stardrifter on Oct 5, 2011 22:56:11 GMT -5
Was a good issue. I'm not sure I liked how you wrote Babs. Her dialogue made her sound like she was much older. Otherwise good issue. Keep em coming.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Oct 15, 2011 20:52:47 GMT -5
Flash #7 is up. I'm actually happy with this one. I'm still not entirely comfortable with Jessie's voice, but I think it's getting there. Well, let me know what you all think.
Just remember #6 was changed...
|
|
|
Post by jackalope on Oct 16, 2011 1:45:15 GMT -5
Really great, love the alternate Flash heroes, especially the idea of the Ancient African one- definitely will have to expand on that (my mind is turning). Good stuff, look forward to seeing how you wrap up this one. The interaction with Flash and Prof. Zoom was well done.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Oct 16, 2011 1:52:33 GMT -5
Thanks for the review mate. Hindsight is 20/20, but I really should have talked to you to try and throw Mercury in there. But I can guarantee you that Impala (The Ancient African One), XS, Zoom, Walter West and Impulse will all be explore further. Either in individual arcs or a Speed Force World Tour arc. Haven't decided yet. And obviously Dawn Allen and Daniel Allen will be explored but as Barry's kids, not so much as Velocity and Quicksilver. And of course, Max Mercury will be around.
Glad you liked it it!
|
|
|
Post by buck on Oct 16, 2011 2:01:21 GMT -5
Another great issue. I like the Guardians and can't wait to see where you take this alternate timeline to.
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Oct 16, 2011 2:20:55 GMT -5
Thank you, thank you. The alternate timeline is a little confusing. It will not factor into next issue at all (maybe a little bit, albiet indirectly). But it will play a role in the issue after and beyond!
|
|
|
Post by C_Miller on Oct 16, 2011 13:45:37 GMT -5
Okay, I decided to post #8. There are some big spoilers that I needed to get out of the way before moving on with JSA #1, which I want to start working on. Let me know what you think...
|
|