From the Night: Batman Discussion

[jordan]

Also, if you like the pace and action, this next arc will definitely be your cup of tea as it is very accurately named: Gotham War.

[jordan]

Also, Issue #3.ULT is up and I'm one issue away from continuity! Whoop whoop!

[Drake]

Fair enough. That's a decent answer and definitely goes in line with your more human characterization of Batman.

[jordan]

Yeah. After reading Batman comics lately, I've found a lack of the huma element of Batman that makes him so special. Some writers always have it like Tomasi and some writers usually have it but not always like Hurwitz and other writers usually dont like Snyder. I like all of their comics for what they are, but most people just don't capture that Batman is a MAN who makes mistakes and who lets emotions clou judgement. That's what I'm going for.

[Drake]

And that's the Batman I want to read. Closest I get nowadays is Snyder's but even then he still seems somewhat superhuman.

[Drake]

Just read #3.ULT. It's a decent little issue. I'm not the biggest fan of your Catwoman characterization, but considering she's only been in a small bit of a single issue it isn't a problem. We'll see how I feel after we get more of her. Your Corrigan is certainly interesting and I'm excited for the war. You certainly aren't wasting any time in going big. 7/10. It's still a setup issue, but it was good.

[jordan]

Catwoman will be in the next issue more. I'll actually have a solicit up for that in a few minutes, and ope to have the issue out tomorrow or Sunday. That said, you'l understand her character more as time goes on. I take my inspiration from the first volume of Catwoman New 52.

[jordan]

Christmas a Special #1 I'd out and I'm official!!

[jordan]

Anyone read it yet?

[Drake]

....I reviewed it. I know I did. I'm 1000000% sure, but it's not here. I don't have time to now, but I'll type up a new review later.

That is weird....

[Stardrifter]

So each review that follows was written after I read the issue.

#0
Some obvious proofreading errors. Otherwise it was an interesting introduction. I think the narration was a bit over stylized. If it's meant to be Gordon's thoughts, he sounds like an angsty teen.

Still, some interesting ideas and changes. Nice that you jump into it and I hope the next issue keeps going instead of another origin retread. Unless you plan to really shake up the origin.

#1
So I see you did keep things running, which is good. I think you jumped a little too hard into it. It would have been nice for a little build up at the beginning, but no matter.

Some of the dialogue made me groan with it's obvious exposition. Obviously you sometimes have to get that exposition across, but this just took me out of the story with how awkward it was. Using Bruce's narration would have been better since it's his thoughts, which would be more natural.

I liked seeing the same scene from Batman's perspective. It was effectively done.

#2

I figured out the reveal at the beginning of the issue. I'm not sure if that means I'm smart or that the mystery was a bit too obvious, but there it is. It was good though.

Bruce's plan at the end wasn't. I have no idea why he would do things that way. It just doesn't make sense to me.

#3

Kind of anticlimactic. I like that Haly and Grayson were fighting without knowing it. That was a good idea. But the finale to their story was ho hum.

The setup for the next arc was effective. It's just a shame the end of this arc was more focused on setup for the next rather than a satisfying end to this one.

#4

The build up to the war is effective. Even though I think you should have waited a while, showing some status quo before shaking it up, you definitely get the feeling of the coming chaos across.

And then there's Catwoman. Oh my God, she was annoying. She came across to me like an airhead, not a master thief. And Batman knows who she is, catches her stealing, and let's her go? I call bullshit.

Christmas Special

Was a fine start to an arc, though I question why you are starting a second arc while leaving the Gotham Wars hanging. But on its own it was a nice issue.

In Summary

So overall you have a definite style and atmosphere to the series that is working well. The first person narration is mostly effective and an interesting way to go. I like that you're just hitting the ground running, yet I think you're going too fast. The series feels rushed and could really use some more fleshing out of the characters and world.

I know it's a fine line to walk. On one hand, everyone and their mom knows the basics of Batman and shouldn't need much of an explanation. On the other hand, and I don't mean this to sound too harsh, but this FEELS like fanfiction. It feels like it's being written to fit into an already established world rather than setting up it's own.

There are so many errors throughout the series. Some that you'd need to proofread, but others that would come up in a simple spellcheck. I don't know what browser you use, but I know Firefox and Chrome offer auto spellcheck that a quick glance over when you're posting your issues would solve many of these.

I think there's a lot of promise here and it's great to see someone making some headway with Batman for a change. I think with a little more patience and depth you could really have a great series on your hands. Keep em coming!

[Drake]

The Christmas Special was a neat little issue. It wasn't overly exciting or boring, but did create an entertaining story that made me look forward to the next Christmas Special. 7/10

[jordan]

Alright guys, Gotham Wars Chapter I is up. It is pretty much the only set up for the arc, the rest will be the war. You'll see things from more interactions with Alfred, a character I think you all will be happy to see, Catwoman and a guest star appearance from another hero in the future. I hope you guys enjoy!

[Drake]

It was really good. I honestly didn't see the death coming so soon. Great job. I'm really looking forward to the war.

8/10

[Stardrifter]

I was out off a bit by the narration, especially the first paragraph. Dead babies? Really?

For the most part otherwise it was okay. The argument with Alfred was just out of nowhere. It was kind of jarring. And I don't know why Batman brought a dead body to the Batcave when he was close to a hospital that might have revived him.

But the action was good and the war is interesting. I'm really not enjoying the first person, but that's opinion and nothing against you. Keep em coming.

[DiscipleofBob]

Just caught up on everything.

It seems like this story takes a bit of momentum to get good. There are long stretches where the first person narrative really slows down the action. As a general tip, I'd avoid phrases like "I hear something do this" or "I watch someone do that." Hell, it seems like 90% of the non-dialogue text begins with an "I do this..." and it's a very boring sentence structure. This is supposed to be from the main character's viewpoint, so instead of "I hear the bad guys start shooting," just use "The bad guys start shooting."

Catwoman has me torn. On the one hand, the descriptions of her mirror ridiculous cheesecake shots some of the comics. Stuff like Vicki Vale strutting around in lingerie for no good reason other than to titillate the reader. On the other hand, this is Catwoman who's supposed to be at least a little sexualized. Back on the original hand though, she's only nineteen?! She also really hasn't done anything in the story to convince me she's a master thief.

Batman's characterization was well done in the Christmas special, but the villain was weird. Okay, so he's supposed to be some kind of successor to the Joker? Or is the actual Joker? How does the villain "find" a particular laugh? And why is he calling himself 'The Last Christmas Carol?' Even with the holiday theme, that name is awkward and makes little sense.

Gotham Wars was solid all the way through though. My only real gripe is how the heading is spread out throughout the issue. I don't think it serves anything but to interrupt the narrative.

[jordan]

The Last Christmas Carol is a plot point that you just have to wait till next Christmas for more information on. Yeah. That's how I'm doing that. As for everything else, I'll try and change my sentence structures, be more active, less passive, etc. More on Catwoman later too.

As for the heading being spread out throughout the issue, I was going for a movie effect. It also helped me collapse time, as some actions where I would've had to explain and take several more lines, I could just get away with skipping those little bits as you were, for a moment, disconnected from the comment, and, when you returned, the appropriate amount of time had passed for those actions that would've been boring to read to have passed without you really noticing.

[Deleted]

I have to admit, I'm with Star on this. Dead Babies? Why? How?

As bob said, there's lots of "I do this" "I do that". First person writing is supposed to not only put the reader into the mind of the character, but it also strengthens their relationship. It allows for revelations and teases that are a lot more organic than in third person or fixed POV third person, and I think you're only using first to part of it's potential. Try to stop and listen to how you think, how to speak to yourself. Narrate something you're doing and then transpose that to text.

It doesn't have to work every time, and sometimes it will be a bit stiff and weird and a bit obvious that it's exposition. My least favourite parts of things are characters saying "My name is Harry Dresden" to start off a book, or whatever. Nobody thinks "My name is Batman", because you already know.

I think my main issue with most Batman fic, and this is not a stab at you by any stretch because I hate Batman anyway, is that 9 times out of 10 the structure of the story ignores the psychosis and mental states of all parties involved. I'd be much more interested in Batman as the kind of hyper-prepared OCD God, or a Psychological devolution of loss and an inability to let anything go.

But that's my personal taste and it's getting away from the subject.

Also, I really didn't enjoy the scene with Batman having a go at Alfred. Felt very contrived and forced to get the obvious admission that Alfred thinks of Bruce as a Son and Bruce, sort of, thinks of Alfred as a kind of Dad.

I'd be interested to see how the Black Mask is what kicks off the War in Gotham.

6/10

[jordan]

Alright, I promised this issue for last month but failed, so here Gotham Wars Chapter II is. I'm way behind on all my writing, and my schedule is definitely set back pretty far, but I hope you guys enjoy this!

[Drake]

This was a nice little issue. I have to say that I looked your Catwoman a little more in this issue. Batman's as human yet bad ass as usual. Everything's heating up, and that's always a good thing.

Onto the negatives...there's only one. Dick Grayson was a dick (pun intended). I get why he was, but still....I don't know. We need a little light in this title. Catwoman normally can provide that, but she was a bit darker and complain-y (rightfully so) this issue. Robin/Dick/whatever he'll be should be that light. I hope he's happier and funnier in the future. A little light to contrast the dark would do this title a lot of good. Of course, that's not to say Dick can't cry about his parents or whatever, but still, I need a little light from him.

7.75/10