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Post by jordan on Oct 14, 2013 1:02:52 GMT -5
Issue #0.ULTIMATE is out! It's just a short little intro to the character, the mythos and the first case that Batman will have to solve! I hope you enjoy it and look forward to more details on the Mystery of the Nightwing next time!
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Post by adrini on Oct 14, 2013 22:10:28 GMT -5
I like the alternative POV. It works. The questions at the end are an interesting take, akin to the end if the orginional showin the 60's. It's a cute touch.
Your having the commissioner know who he is and work closely with him from the get go. It's a nice touch. Like all intro chapters...it's an intro chapter. One for one there.
I am looking forward to hearing Bruce speak, but at the same time I like that you established his world first. It's a solid start.
Like most if us you could use a beta reader, they seem to be in short supply. Other then that well done.
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Post by jordan on Oct 14, 2013 23:58:41 GMT -5
Thanks! I tried letting it sit for a few days and than beta reading it myself, but I guess that didn't go over as well as I planned
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Post by adrini on Oct 15, 2013 17:22:05 GMT -5
It's really hard to catch your own mistakes, there's a reason we could use some beta readers. It just works better, I'm as guilty as anyone.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Oct 16, 2013 7:34:33 GMT -5
Good work on the first chapter. It's everything I would have hoped for from an issue zero. The choice of Gordon's perspective helps to convey some of the inherent mystery that's supposed to surround the Batman. It gives the reader a sense of how Batman should seem to be to the average joe in the universe rather than jumping directly into the story from Bruce's point of view.
There were a handful of typos, but nothing more than I'd expect of any writer on the site regardless of experience. Unfortunately one of those typos is extremely noticeable, if only because it's hilarious. Batman's first iconic words in this storyline are "Why am here, Jim?"
Obviously this is a minor oversight that's only noticeable because of its placement, but I can't help but be amused at what appears to be engrish Batman.
Despite hitting all the key points for a standard Batman story, your take on Nightwing looks like it could be an interesting deviation from the norm and I look forward to reading more.
Regarding your solicitations thread, we actually have a thread for solicitations in the Series Discussion board. That would probably be a better place for solicitations rather than the board for your main stories.
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Post by jordan on Oct 16, 2013 8:54:30 GMT -5
I saw the board, but there is a thread per month and hasn't been one isnce June or July, so I wasn't sure if it was still active.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Oct 16, 2013 11:28:47 GMT -5
Fair. I'll just keep one solicitations thread open. There isn't really enough of a demand to justify monthly solicitations threads at this point.
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Post by jordan on Oct 16, 2013 12:54:12 GMT -5
Sounds good! And thanks for the review!
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Post by jordan on Oct 19, 2013 19:51:06 GMT -5
anyone else read it?
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Post by jordan on Oct 22, 2013 0:34:51 GMT -5
For those of you who read it, #1 is up. It is much longer than #0.ULTIMATE.
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Post by adrini on Oct 23, 2013 7:02:51 GMT -5
Sorry for the delay but I read it last night and shortly after crashed. It's really good, you made batman human. There's too little of that. Night wing is villain ish, but with a reason. I really like it when people doing bad things have a reason. Helps avoid cheap writing. You mention that robin didn't work out, which I like. Not every runaway is going to have the skill, that's to be expected. I also caught the reference there, nice. A couple typos, we could all use a beta reader. Nothing terrible. As a writer your voice is still forming but this is the second installment. It comes in time. Keep it up.
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Post by cross on Oct 28, 2013 21:20:34 GMT -5
I just got through reading zero issue and number one. I really enjoyed it. You can only tell a Batman origin so many times, glad you skipped it for now. I am a HUGE Nightwing fan so I'm not sure how to feel about the ultimate version yet. I liked the Robin reference but I didn't understand it. I haven't read all of Haven but I'm guessing that Jason was the Robin mentioned?
Overall, I enjoyed the two issues. Obviously it's just starting but I'm excited to be along for the ride.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Nov 4, 2013 10:13:09 GMT -5
The official chapter one. Very much an extension of the previous chapter which makes sense considering it was a chapter zero. It both explains a lot of what was referenced in the 0 chapter but leaves several plot points unanswered. This is good because it keeps you from putting too much exposition in one chapter and keeps several possible plot points open later for readers to get excited about. I get a lot of vibes from the Red Hood movie here.
There were a lot of noticeable typos throughout the chapter. They look as if you ran a spl check but didn't look over the chapter yourself. I know it's tough to get a beta reader, and it's surprisingly difficult to catch one's own mistakes. I've never been a fan of the first-person narrative structure, but this is a personal preference. One I'll likely have to get over with Haven. One thing you might want to work on is sentence structure. A lot of sentences begin with "he was, he is" etc. While grammatically correct, it's a very boring way to write and read, especially since, this being a first-person narrative, you're essentially writing Bruce's thought process the entire time, and thoughts don't have to be grammatically correct. Don't be afraid to use sentence fragments and one-word sentences and stuff that would make English teachers shudder. Try this: In every paragraph, make sure no two sentences look or sound the same. Use more active voice.
Despite typos and prose, the action flows pretty smoothly, so kudos there.
One nitpicking thing that irked me was Batman's use of voice commands. It just strikes me as odd because I've always seen those sorts of functions as buttons on his cowl or suit. Voice-command just seems weird because it's Batman who stealthily takes down entire rooms of thugs without so much as a sound much less a voice command. Again, it's just a nitpicky personal preference on my part.
Look forward to reading more.
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Post by jordan on Nov 4, 2013 11:46:00 GMT -5
I hear your message loud and clear and, when it comes to sentence structure, sometimes I'm good and sometimes I'm not, so that's something I will need to work on. As far as his voice commands go, he has buttons and voice commands, it just depends on the situation. Sometimes he doesn't have his hands free and sometimes he needs to be silent and sometimes he wants to be flashy. I understand your nitpickyness, but that's the explanation. And, the first-person narrative, I much, much prefer reading and writing it, so almost all of my stuff will be in that manner.
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Post by jordan on Dec 1, 2013 14:13:10 GMT -5
#2 is up...it might be late, I'm not sure, I was to busy with work and family to post it last night on the deadline, so I'm not sure.
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Post by adrini on Dec 1, 2013 19:35:29 GMT -5
You're fine. I like them. You're working through the intro and Origen of the character. Just one thing, and I'm torn. You seem to be rushing through the opening. However it's the batman story, we know it. Just getting through it might be the best thing. Again, I'm torn.
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Post by jordan on Dec 2, 2013 2:07:05 GMT -5
I'm not sure what you mean by "I'm rushing through the opening." Could you eloborate?
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Post by jordan on Dec 3, 2013 10:57:22 GMT -5
Issue #3 is up and itt's my favorite yet!
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Post by Drake on Dec 12, 2013 21:15:53 GMT -5
This is a really good series. Issue 0.ULTIMATE and 1 started out slowly, but each issue since has really picked up the pace. I have to say that the use of Nightwing as a villain is an incredibly cool idea, especially if (when) Dick takes up the mantle it serves as UDC's villain-to-hero/Jason Todd role. I've got to admit the tone of the series matches perfectly with UDC's over all tone, and fits in nicely with 'Haven's dark, yet fun tone. This definitely feels more mature than 'Haven, but it also feels like it takes place in the same 'verse and the same general genre inside that 'verse. I love it!
My only major critique would be that this Batman comes off as stupid at times. He's been doing this for a while, right? Yet he still makes stupid mistakes, like failing to realize Haly was the Maroni Boss. All of the evidence was in front of him and yet he failed to use it, blaming an innocent (in this case) man. It just seems a little unrealistic. I'm not saying Batman has to be right 100% of the time. It's nice to see Batman being a little more human for once, but still, if it's apparent to the reader who the Maroni Boss is then it should be to Batman too.
#0.ULTIMATE - 7/10 #1 - 7.25/10 #2 - 8.5/10 #3 - 8/10
OVERALL: 7.75/10
I hope you keep up this quality through the next arc.
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Post by jordan on Dec 12, 2013 23:08:44 GMT -5
Thank you for the review! And, on the topic of Batman being "stupid," it's more he just couldn't believe his friends would be these horrific criminals, not so much that he just didn't see everything coming together.
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