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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2012 4:49:18 GMT -5
Hey folks, UBoM #1: Awakenings Chapter 1-Unexpected Visitors is up. I would love other any feedback, comments, criticisms, pointing and laughing, or any reactions y'all have. I think posting and formatting the blasted thing took me as long as writing it did. Anyone have any tips for posting the word document without having to reformat the whole thing. I tried attachment, but that didn't work and cutting and pasting left a mess. I am new to the boards so the ins and outs of tech stuff is unfamiliar to me (I am writing a magic book after all, tech is a bit of an anthema Well, that said welcome to the Grimoire, hope you enjoy your stay. -M
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Post by C_Miller on Feb 9, 2012 16:21:29 GMT -5
This is incredible work and really impressive that you worked out an entire history in such a short amount of time, especially with the road block of having to deal with Zatanna's past history. It looks like this is going to be incredible work and I look forward to more.
As a side note, I was interested in doing a book similar to this based off the Justice League: Dark cast as I wanted something a bit darker as contrast. Let me tell you, I'm glad I didn't. This is where it's at.
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Post by kardonwire on Feb 9, 2012 19:39:47 GMT -5
That was a bloody brilliant first issue, your standard of writing is excellent. Gotta say though, the only problem I had with it was that in comparison the part with Finarra was done so well it kinda put the rest to shame, not that they weren't good and interesting as well.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2012 1:17:26 GMT -5
It's funny you mention the scene with Finnara standing out. When I read through the second draft, it occurred to me that the opening scene felt much more like a Vertigo book and the rest like a DCU book. That wasn't my intention, but it was my reaction to the whole. It's also ironic because the Finnara section was the second hardest to write. I struggled to find a voice for the scene. I resisted having Finnara be the voice because I knew she was a disposable character, but then it just made sense for her to be our window to Brother Night. Once I accepted her as the voice of the scene, it flowed a lot better. I'll wait and see if anyone can figure out what the hardest scenes was to write. One note though, the scenes were not written in the order they were presented. I write each scene separately and assembled them afterwards into the order I felt worked best for the story. Originally I was going to open with the Stranger/Puck/Arion scene, and the Finarra scene was not in my initial beat breakdown, bu I felt I needed something to set up the menace to Tim Hunter before we saw the Puck try to snatch him on screen. -M
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Post by someonespc on Feb 13, 2012 16:17:31 GMT -5
Intimidatingly well written. I feel like what you've done is superior to the current new 52 JL Dark.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 15, 2012 19:08:19 GMT -5
Hah. Now I know how other people feel whenever they go into one of my topics. Extremely well written. Only pet peeve I had is people don't usually tack on the name of whomever they're speaking to at the end of sentences. I think it was the Stranger and Puck scene where you had them going back and forth doing that. Such a small thing that I can only remember since it was the one thing I disliked.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2012 22:55:24 GMT -5
8-)There was actually a reason for that. Names have power and each was making a point of using each other's title, while implying they might know a name to use in its place. It is also a standard of comic book scripting from the old style Stan Lee school of dialogue but I usually try to avoid doing it unless there is a reason. Stranger and PUck had a reason. If I did it elsewhere, it was a mistake I need to watch for in future issues.
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Post by buck on Feb 16, 2012 3:57:14 GMT -5
The issue was very well written. I;m not sure if my weariness is getting to me, but I just didn't get sucked into it. I had to force myself to finish it. I look forward to seeing where the title goes, but the first issue just didn't grab me as much as I had hoped.
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Post by jackalope on Feb 20, 2012 15:33:56 GMT -5
Fantastic work man, finally got around to reading it and definitely worth the read. It's an awesome cast you've got and I'll be interested in what you do with them. It certainly seems like you've given everything a lot of thought and the descriptions of the characters and their actions was great. Particularly like how you did Xanadu and Zee's scene. Keep it up.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2012 3:30:15 GMT -5
I want to take a moment to thank everyone for their reactions, comments, and feedback on the first issue. It is much appreciated. I am so used to writing in a vacuum with only the same handful of people giving me feedback that it is nice to hear some fresh voices respond. It was one of the things that drew me to trying my hand at fan fiction at a site like this.
I am glad most of you liked it, and sorry that the firs tissue did not grab you buck. Hopefully the second issue will. Speaking of which, I finished the first draft of issue #2 earlier this weekend and have given most of it a second pass tonight ( I have one scene left to proofread revise in the second pass), but not sure I am going to get to the rest until tomorrow. I want to do a third pass as well before posting it, but I should have it up and ready to be posted sometime this week.
-M
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2012 2:30:22 GMT -5
UBoM#2 Awakenings Chapter 2: The Ties that Bind is up. I hope you all enjoy it at least as much as you id #1, if not more. Again, any comments, feedback, criticism, commentary, etc. is welcome and appreciated. -M
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2012 8:31:48 GMT -5
I've not read the second issue yet, but I really enjoyed the first one. Particularly, as a poster above said, the reference to names having power and the characters using each others titles. I really enjoyed the way you wrote Stranger too. Plus, I am really looking forward to seeing you use more Xanadu. For some reason she's becoming a favourite of mine!
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 29, 2012 9:28:41 GMT -5
Keep this up and you might you overtake Jack in my hate/love/jealousy department. Only critique I can think of since I forgot to review this back when it was fresh in my mind is... The final scene is surprisingly weak compared to the rest of the issue. There's not much to the confrontation of Xanadu, Zee, and Constantine. It just sorta happens. Not much detail. It lacks the stylistic flair you've had for your other scenes.
Also, given the research I had to do for your claims, the last two paragraphs are suitably vague to follow the rules but I felt that tiny section suffered for it though I suspect you'll explore both of my issues in #3.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2012 0:28:40 GMT -5
Keep this up and you might you overtake Jack in my hate/love/jealousy department. Only critique I can think of since I forgot to review this back when it was fresh in my mind is... The final scene is surprisingly weak compared to the rest of the issue. There's not much to the confrontation of Xanadu, Zee, and Constantine. It just sorta happens. Not much detail. It lacks the stylistic flair you've had for your other scenes. Also, given the research I had to do for your claims, the last two paragraphs are suitably vague to follow the rules but I felt that tiny section suffered for it though I suspect you'll explore both of my issues in #3. Thanks for the kind words. That final scene was one I wrestled with for quite a while and it ended up kicking my ass. The initial scene with Tim and Amy sort of expanded as I wrote it, which is good, as they are the intended focus of the book once it gets rolling, and I moved the scene with Tim getting the amulet from #3 into #2, so I felt I had to cut something or trim a scene to keep it at the overall length I wanted it to. I wrote that scene three different times, three different ways (of course it didn't help that my initial pass on it was while fighting a flu bug when I was feverish and loopy on cold and flu meds) and I could never get it to a point where I was satisfied with it. I knew that Constantine was a bit of a wanker and would seek to avoid the confrontation and his worst nightmare was seeing Zee and Madame X come through the door together, so I knew he was going to bug out and wind up through the portal to someplace else, but everything else in that final scenes was fluid. In the end I decided to abbreviate it, with the cliffhanger for John and leave Zee and Xanadu's reaction to his bailing for #3. It was a kind of fish or cut bait situation, and I wanted to get the issue done to clear the deck for the .5 issue I am doing before #3 that details the story of Xanadu and Stranger's first meeting and serves as an origin of sorts her Xanadu and one other cast member (no spoilers here, you'll have to wait to see who). So yeah I agree about the last scene, and the woman at the stake was intentionally vague because I hadn't claimed her yet and I needed to keep an out just in case something funky happened and I didn't get the Lady I wanted to use. All I can say is, Constantine can run form the confrontation, but he is delaying the inevitable. As an aside, to give you an idea of how bad the feverish writing was, I had a vague idea of using Winter's Gate as the setting for a chase scene that harkened back to 70's Hanna Barbara cartoons like Scooby Doo, Jabberjaw, Josie and the Pussycats et. al. where members of the cast are being chased by cultists and running through doors winding up in different places to go through other doors etc. I kept hearing the cheesy 70ish pop rock tunes they used for such chase scenes running through my head as I contemplated this scene. Luckily I woke up the next morning after the fever broke and the meds wore off and looked at my scribbled notes and was like WTF were you thinking man that's a big NO! Though I may still have Deadman pop up out of a potted plant at some point in the series just because. -M
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Mar 1, 2012 0:46:27 GMT -5
That would have been epic. And I know what you mean about writing scenes again and again. Happened to me during the turning point in Shadowpact 4. Then I never could get the final two scenes the way I wanted them so I just did the best I could and posted what I had since I was running out of time.
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Post by superecwfan1 on Mar 1, 2012 17:56:33 GMT -5
I really like the cast of this and have always been a John Constantine fan. It was one of my favorites. I did like the aspect that Constantine really doesn't wanna listen to the Stranger. But will reluctantly . The set up in #1 with them basically trying to save Tim Hunter is a nice touch there and reminds me of the original Books of Magic , where we saw these magic types all be around Tim Hunter.
If I had some slight digs it would be the "thought" balloons and all. I'd recommend different colors to symbolize the characters doing that like Stranger and all. It helps. That basically is my only real thing there.
Can't wait to read #2 when I get time.
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Post by buck on Mar 2, 2012 23:14:19 GMT -5
I have similar concerns about this issue that I did the first; though to a much lesser extent. With another issue down I realize what it is though more specifically: the set up you're putting into the series is far greater then any other writer on this board has done for a series. Which instead of complaining about I'm going to sit back and watch as things develop and hope the payoff is worthy of the setup.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2012 2:03:53 GMT -5
So I plan on doing a series of one-shots as .5 issues detailing origins and backstories of cast members as time allows. These will be done in months I can get 2 issues done. I have stories fleshing out all the characters backstories waiting to be told, but I am interested in seeing who has piqued readers interest and who they want to see, and this will determine what order I address these stories. The first .5 issue will be 2.5 (I am halfway through the script to it now) and I hope it will be posted this week sometime. It details the first meeting between Madame Xanadu and the Phantom Stranger. If you want to see me flesh out any particular character, use the poll to let me know and/or post comments here. You can vote for up to 3 characters and the poll closes at the end of the month. -M
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Post by C_Miller on Mar 5, 2012 15:45:43 GMT -5
Hey, sorry it took me so long to read this, but needless to say, it was fantastic
As far as the story goes, I don't think there's another title that's as tightly plotted out as Books of Magic. Wachter has pretty big ideas for Shadowpact, I have some beats I want to hit in JSA and have a character arc planned for several characters. But there is just so much going on here. And for that I like it just on default.
You seem to have a great handle on the characters, which is fair since you're originating all of them except for Zatanna, which is really impressive because she has the voice that Ryan gave to her. This feels like a natural extension from the Zatanna series, which is great to see.
I really enjoyed Tim Hunter and Amy Winston. Amy Winston was going to be one of the stars of a Seven Soldiers idea I had planned out for a little while there, so I have an affinity for her character. But, I like the idea of two young teenagers more or less carrying the series.
I will say I hope that soon you achieve some type of more consistant narrative flow at some point in the near future. Everything was good and well written, but I think it jumped around too much. But that's probably just personal preference.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Mar 5, 2012 16:08:47 GMT -5
>_> Spoilers is so tightly plotted I had to take a third title so that I wouldn't overburden you guys while losing story. More so than Shadowpact, you just know more about Shadowpact since I give you and Buck every little note I have in case one of you has to step in.
Nevertheless, I agree that MRP has me beat still even with my plans for Bludhaven.
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