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Post by liquidsword34 on Apr 7, 2012 15:30:34 GMT -5
First issue should be up in about twenty seconds or so is up. Having posted it, it looks a lot longer than I thought it would be, even being aware that it would be long (Due to having to introduce the Six and another character).
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2012 0:37:44 GMT -5
Interesting start to the series. I like the characters and direction for the series and will follow to see where it all leads.
A few nits to pick and suggestions.
Formatting-the way you formatted some of the dialogue it got a little confusing as to who was speaking-you had reactions to dialogue in the same lines so it became tough to follow who was speaking and who was reacting and keeping it straight. You also had lines of dialogue buried inside paragraphs at times also adding to the confusion. Some of the dialogue had a very distinctive voice and I thought it was a certain character, but the reactions named a different character and so I began to second guess who was actually speaking.
You noted it seemed a little long, and perhaps it was (though I am the last one to criticize about length given the length of some of my issues of Books of Magic). It did feel like the story for the first issue could have ended with the capture of Bat-Wing and still had a full story/issue, with the interrogation and twist/reveal coming in issue #2, but I can understand the desire to get to the big twist in issue #1. I think the twist would have had more impact if it had been allowed to sit for a bit to let the reader digest the set up and think they knew the status quo before turning things upside down in the second issue, but that's personal preference not a hard and fast tenet.
You also had some issues with verb form (you used sat when it should have been seated quite often for example) and a few diction and proofreading issues here and there, bit nothing too horrible.
One thing to keep in mind as you build your story though is established continuity. Wachter is usually the continuity cop but you reference a lot of meta activity in the past, particularly in Gotham and I am not sure what series you have read or what you are familiar with in terms of continuity (god knows I have been here a bot now and am still trying to cathc up on all the in continuity series so I know it can be a bit overwhelming trying to digest it all). So I am just going to point out that the JSA series established that after they were disbanded in the Reagan era there was very little meta activity until the appearance of the Barry Allen Flash years later, and I know Wachter has a pretty thorough timeline worked out for Gotham events that I have been working with him on since I am now doing Detective and he had so many of Gotham's finest under his wing previously. Not that there can't be anything new in Gotham mind you, but you should make sure you are not contradicting something established or in the works, just as a standard courtesy as we all play in the same sandbox. I know you touched base with wachter on Shiva so if you touched base on Gotham events with him already, cool. Gotham's a big city but it gets messy with so many people playing in that sandbox, so we try to keep each other up on what we're planning so we can all have fun.
So, enjoyed #1, and looking forward to #2.
-M
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Apr 8, 2012 1:21:09 GMT -5
I agree with MRP on the it might have had more impact if you did the twist as the end or set it up for the second issue... Or something. It's late and I just wanted to comment before I get distracted tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have proper comments on my second read through if I remember to post them.
Right now I just have:
1. Are you meaning to call Selina, Catwomen? You did it on your claims and throughout this issue so I was wondering if that was a personal choice based on something you have planned or just a DOH moment.
2. I've modified your post to get rid of something that isn't common knowledge nor has really been revealed yet.
All in all, an extremely well rounded start to a series. Nice balance of action, character description and development, and set up.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Apr 8, 2012 7:44:54 GMT -5
1. Are you meaning to call Selina, Catwomen? You did it on your claims and throughout this issue so I was wondering if that was a personal choice based on something you have planned or just a DOH moment. Just a doh moment, as with some of the other issues (Whatever was edited out, meta activity etc). Thanks for the feedback |
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Post by buck on Apr 8, 2012 16:34:13 GMT -5
Good start. I still noticEd several spots where dialogue was hard to follow but enjoyable start to the series and awesome cast
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Post by elite147 on Apr 22, 2012 22:38:38 GMT -5
I liked the first issue. I'm real interested in seeing where Bane goes cause he is a personal favorite Batman villain behing Red Hood. Anyways, yeah, I liked the twist and I agree with mrp when he said it was confusing in places, but overall, liked it and am waiting for #2.
-Elite
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Post by superecwfan1 on Apr 24, 2012 13:02:20 GMT -5
I liked the characters and team you have used. I mean the team of Promethus , Catwoman , Hitman , Shiva and Bane is a nice unique team. I enjoyed that and the character interaction in the issue. I also liked Riddler pulling the strings.
But as MRP and others brought up , you seemed to pull the "twist ending" a bit too early. You never really gave us much into Riddler as a character to make the twist of him being a real bad guy go as well. I would have waited later in the arc or several arcs to make that work really. Overall a good read for the team there. I enjoyed it.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Apr 26, 2012 16:41:57 GMT -5
Issue two up
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Apr 26, 2012 22:59:41 GMT -5
First reaction? First paragraph uses "sat" too much.
Second reaction? That bit I edited out has made a return but I'll let it slide. People know one. The other requires careful reading of my stuff. It's not really a big deal since it is Lady Shiva stating it.
A nice character building issue. Felt like you were trying to retcon Deadshot from Issue 1 but, I don't know, I kinda like it. Everybody lies. Nobody wants to be just another goon. They want to be special.
It was different but in a good way.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2012 14:03:34 GMT -5
Solid read, good character bits. Not sure how I feel about this version of Selina Kyle, but what you did was well-executed. I look forward to seeing how the series moves forward.
-M
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Post by buck on Apr 29, 2012 1:17:32 GMT -5
I enjoyed the issue quite well. I liked the character development for all those involved and really enjoying your take on Batwing.
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Post by liquidsword34 on May 11, 2012 18:40:45 GMT -5
Issue 3 up.
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2012 15:48:43 GMT -5
Long issue but good. You ratcheted up the tension and raised the stakes. You fleshed out David's character very well.
One thing you need to do is proofread better though. For instance, the scene where David is left to die in the valley and wakes up-you're intro gives the time as 12:00 AM (i.e. midnight) but then the bright sun is burning down and reflecting colors off the objects on the ground and the unbearable heat cause shim to pass out again. It's a little thing but it takes reader out of the story for a moment, and in a longer issue you can ill afford that as there is no guarantee the reader will get back into the story. There are other issues throughout the story, but that was the most jarring.
-M
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Post by oberonfrost on May 29, 2012 17:12:18 GMT -5
Just finished issue one for now. Most of what I would say has already been covered by others: length, proofreading, ect.
I particularly enjoyed your Hitman and Riddler characters. I like a good deal of your cast, so intrigued to see where they're headed.
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Post by jackalope on May 30, 2012 23:02:17 GMT -5
Nice origin-type piece for Bat-Wing, I liked it. Look forward to seeing where you go with this title.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Jun 5, 2012 21:53:58 GMT -5
I tried to make this issue shorter, as it's mainly just setting up the conclusion of the first arc.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2012 0:53:48 GMT -5
Well you succeeded in making it short and feel like a set up for things to come. It was very well written, especially the first paragraph, which was very evocative. The action scenes with Claude trying to catch site of Selina were fun as well. What was there was very good, but it felt a little lacking in content. I know too long then too short, it's hard to find a happy medium. Maybe just a scene or two of some of the Six doing more to prep for the assault (the scene with Hitman loading the gun was along these lines but what it didn't do was reveal anything about the character to the readers we didn't already know. I think that was what was lacking, that it didn't give me as a reader something to hang my hat on. The scenes that were there were well written but they didn't offer enough insight into the characters or move the plot along enough, which is why the issue felt a little light. More of either would have gone a long way towards making the issue feel more satisfying.
Still and all, looking forward to seeing how this arc concludes.
-M
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 9, 2012 18:31:15 GMT -5
Was very short but well written. A nice heist feel to it. Not a whole lot else to say. Keep em coming.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Jul 12, 2012 13:25:59 GMT -5
Last issue of the first arc is up. I'm kind of aware that things are a bit jumbled in terms of The Riddler, mostly in that the origin of sorts I've got doesn't actually lead directly into being The Riddler, but at the same time it could act as his "killing joke" moment of sorts (one failure or tragedy which makes him lose it).
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2012 0:37:28 GMT -5
Read the finale and enjoyed it. Interesting set up of things to come. There were some proofreading and punctuation issues that were distracting though-especially the lack of apostrophes to indicated the possessive rather than the plural.
The gem looks like an interesting MacGuffin to kick off the second arc though.
-M
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