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Post by jross on May 12, 2011 11:27:33 GMT -5
First issue's up. I'll add possibly more Secret Files as new characters or developments are introduced. GL is cosmic, so I think that I won't be stepping on anyone's toes with continuity, save possibly Superman, but I am going to work hard to do my part to make a really cohesive continuity.
This one is going to be arc-based. Story and universe will develop over time, with expostion/explanations mixed with action in all of the first issues.
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Post by C_Miller on May 12, 2011 11:40:09 GMT -5
I haven't got a chance to read it yet, but I wanted to let you know that I stickyed your Secret Files, so they can stay on top of the page. If you don't want them there, I can undo it.
I will definitely make sure to read the issue tonight.
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Post by jross on May 12, 2011 11:49:11 GMT -5
Cool. Thanks on both counts.
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Post by C_Miller on May 12, 2011 15:29:33 GMT -5
Some good ideas, no doubt, but I feel that the issue was a bit too short. I think some parts could have benefitted fleshing out in certain areas. Like I don't feel like I know Hal well enough to fully appreciate him taking the ring and taking on the responsibility of becoming a Green Lantern. I also think I would have liked more on what made Hal make the decision. I didn't really get that part. Plus, I feel like we could have benefitted on more back ground on Carol and Hal's relationship to understand that scene.
Otherwise, good issue and I look forward to seeing more and I look forward to see more of Hal's personality.
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Post by jross on May 12, 2011 15:57:25 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback. I meant for "mental decompression," where Hal gets a bunch of info from Abin Sur all at once, but which unfolds in his mind within seconds. Similar, but not exactly like the the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Inner Light." I've got Aspergers, and I constantly need to remind myself "Other people don't know what you are thinking unless you explain it." I will probably edit that. The part about the background with Carol is actually meant to be further explored in the next couple issues. I like to start stories in media res, and then explain from there. Hal's personality is also going to be explained more in the next issue or three. For instance, he's in a bit of a daze when he makes the decision, and doesn't fully understand the depth of his commitment. Cold feet may yet follow. . Issue 2 preview: Still on Earth, a bit of training with "Abin-wan Sur," still alive by virtue of personality upload into the ring. Hal sees his first fight (and flight) as the Green Lantern.
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Post by C_Miller on May 12, 2011 18:03:20 GMT -5
I didn't mean to offend (if I did offend). But like I said, this is a fine start and while not the way I would have done it, that doesn't mean it was bad by any stretch. This was only the first issue and a lot can be said the the onion peel method of writing. It's probably more difficult, but also probably more rewarding once completed.
That said, I am very much a character guy. So you can write a story that doesn't make much sense and I'd like it if it had good characters (Lost).
Also, did you mean Ferris in your issue? You called her Carol Jordan.
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Post by jross on May 12, 2011 21:09:50 GMT -5
Whoops! Thanks! And, no, no offense taken.
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Post by darthphere on May 12, 2011 22:09:30 GMT -5
I like it, though I think I would have enjoyed reading about Hal the Sheriff a bit more, will there be more of that in the future? Still a good solid read.
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Post by jross on May 12, 2011 23:44:52 GMT -5
Yeah. Second issue is a "tutorial" story. Hal gets a heart-to-heart with Carol, and more.
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Post by thekillingjoke on May 13, 2011 6:22:29 GMT -5
Everything already said rings true, but another thing: Your grammar is quite good. That's great because it's usually a weak point for people. However, you have all the tools down pat so you really have nothing to worry about aside from some proofreading. Also, don't be afraid to get REALLY creative with the GL mythos because the end was well written, but it was also very familiar to me. With that said, I thoroughly enjoyed the opening scenes with Sheriff Hal. Well played, jross.
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Post by jross on May 13, 2011 11:19:40 GMT -5
Thanks, killingjoke. As mentioned in a post above, I've got Aspergers; incorrect grammar is generally never a problem. Re-imagining forthcoming!
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Post by Toriach on May 22, 2011 15:14:22 GMT -5
I'm a huge Green Lantern fan. And while I dearly love what is being done with the character in the DCU Prime, I always get excited when I find another take that manages to be original yet make sense.
Hal as a sherriff definitely fits that description.
Giving the first issue a second read I actually think the length is almost perfect.
My one reservation is hoping that there will be some depth to Guy as time goes on. Not so much for his sake but just because I find it more interesting when a character who starts out looking to be nothing but one note actually turns out to have unexpected depth.
I look forward to the next issue.
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Post by jross on May 22, 2011 18:12:21 GMT -5
Lot's more Guy, although probably not a whole lot in the super-short-term.
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Post by jross on May 22, 2011 19:31:45 GMT -5
Picture of Hal now on Secret Files page.
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Post by C_Miller on May 22, 2011 20:49:55 GMT -5
Dude, did I tell you that I saw Sawyer in my head when reading your first issue of GL? If not, that's amazing, because I totally did. Nice!
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Post by jross on May 22, 2011 22:37:55 GMT -5
Cool. Yeah, I just thought that he'd be the kind. He'll seem more Sawyer-ish in the next issue.
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Post by jross on May 23, 2011 11:06:54 GMT -5
Issue 2 is up. Quite a bit longer than the first. More action, more exposition, more Carol. I need to know how to arrange the topics in order so that the Secret File will always be on top, followed by the issues in ascending order, so that number one is always the first listed?
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Post by C_Miller on May 23, 2011 13:51:16 GMT -5
I actually really liked that. I'm not sure what more I can say other than it was a fantastic piece of writing. You're certainly defining the characters much better and I really got a feel for what was going on and I certainly am liking the direction you're taking.
This is one of the closest I've seen to the original "Ultimate" mission statement. Take an old character, take their best and most recognizable traits and modernize them. That's completely what you're doing and I love it. Keep up the good work.
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Post by Toriach on May 23, 2011 19:17:46 GMT -5
Nice second issue. Love the take on Sinestro. Definitely looking forward to seeing more of him.
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Post by jross on May 24, 2011 12:31:36 GMT -5
Thanks both for the kind comments. Next issue's going to be more action than exposition.
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