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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Feb 27, 2013 23:52:45 GMT -5
It was a pretty good issue. My only complaint is grammar. They really bugged me at the amount of grammar mistakes there were. But that is the only thing that took me out of the story. Looking forward to more! 8.5/10
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Post by Stardrifter on Feb 28, 2013 21:25:43 GMT -5
It was a solid issue. The series is interesting, a kind of super hero/political drama or procedural. I just think its a bit directionless at the moment. I don't get a sense of where you're going. But otherwise I'm enjoying it. Keep em coming.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Mar 1, 2013 20:20:11 GMT -5
There doesn't seem to be that much direction, and the grammar is choppy in places, but overall I#m enjoying it. The characters are interesting and it's well written.
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Post by buck on Mar 4, 2013 4:14:30 GMT -5
Another great issue here. It took me longer then any other series you've done to get hooked but I'm definitely down with the great machine now. As for the directionless comments its clear to me your title is structured similarly to the original ExMachina which drifted a bit at parts but tied together in the end.
Can't wait for #6.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 6, 2013 11:35:39 GMT -5
I'm honestly not getting the "lacks direction" comments. There are some unanswered questions, sure, but nothing that actually detracted from the story.
The only grammar mistake I noticed was a confusion between "you're" and "your." A good way to remember that one is to replace all instances of "you're" with "you are" and see if it still makes sense.
Now that I'm understanding the character a bit after several issues, I'm thoroughly enjoying this title. One complaint about this issue, and that was that the scene where Hundred talks to the boat is confusing. It's not clear how his commands were able to save the yacht.
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Post by jackalope on Mar 7, 2013 7:19:51 GMT -5
Fuck - your/you're - it's the one thing I always notice others getting wrong. Thanks for the specific feedback, I was wondering what people were picking up on (not that I claim to be great with punctuation).
As far as how his powers saved the yacht, it was being attacked because of a broadcasting device set up in the ship. Hundred telling the machines on the ship to "shut up" turned off the engines as well as the broadcasting device- thus stopping the attack signal and stopping the attack.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2013 17:47:00 GMT -5
Firstly, love that there's a hashtag for this. If BKV had done Ex Machina during the time of twitter, then it'd certainly have had it in it. I recently, (sometime last year) read the entirity of the series - loved it, and was kind of sad it ended. Frankly, a mixture of intelligent politics that didn't seem to be TOO heavily biased (hey, maybe it was) was kind of refreshing.
I won't comment on grammar or anything because frankly, my own grasp on it is somewhat tenuous. What I will do is talk about story and bits that don't work/are clunky or whatever.
Anyway....
#0 - Mystery! We get a little chunk of origin. I like that you're keeping some of the more fun parts of Mitchell's character from the series. The semi-biographic/prophetic dreams I always thought were a great touch. Actually, this is kind of short - it's fine 'cause it's a #0 issue. I think, even though we see his dealings with Luthor, his feelings on the matter, his drug abuse, the sentence that sticks the most is the final one - 'Another day in the city of tomorrow.' It fits perfectly.
#1 - This first paragraph is a good set up, but you switch tenses a few times from past to present. Not a major issue but, something to watch for later issues. Obviously, this is not helpful as it's five months old...Something that strikes me immediately, actually, is the conversation between Wylie and Hundred. It doesn't seem to be so much an Ex Machina thing but more of...ignore me if I am way off base here, but more of like a Blue Bloods scene with Selleck and the guy with amazing hair in his office. Drinking and talking about how he did in a role he isn't comfortable with - and that's what comes through here, Hundred wants to do the best he can but he isn't comfortable. #2 - One thing that I thought of, immediately here, is that twice now we've had the women in the title described in a whole lot more detail than the men. Matt has limp hair. Wlyie is a black Man. Zee has 'pale dreads hanging limply on her dark freckled skin.' Just something I noticed - maybe we can get more description on the dudes as well? I like that we're seeing Matty Roth as well here, DMZ was great and Zee is the perfect counter to him. I also like that we're treated to something interesting in that Matt has lost his love for the political system - in a way, Matty is the every man for the title, the cipher we need to related to, to stick with Hundred. I think the flopping between multiple characters is fine and everything, but references to 'I think she loves you' without us knowing a name can get a little confusing sometimes. I know this isn't a visual medium, like comics, and I know that we need to make the connection between the name of the paper and the character in question but still...Great machine fly's again, huh?
#3 - For whatever reason, this is the issue that feels to me like you've settled. This is the one where it feels like it should have been the first issue. This issue seems to just work better. The scenes are more concise, but actually, that's better. There's no drag, and we're getting this focus everyone is talking about. I personally, didn't find it lacked a focus. I think it lacked a traditional hero element, which in a comic book fan fic site could be misconstrued as 'focus'. Horray! The Real! Bradbury says something! He's been in two issues now, and last issue he just opened a door. This time...he did stuff. It was eating, but still! Maybe a brief description as well...And so we meet the first (?) second bad guy as well. This is shaping up to be an interesting series, although, we get an additional aunt and new husband who have no descriptions...
#4 - So, action! Also, potentially the best thing ever. Detective Turpin. Yes! Dan Turpin is the best. Clearly, we share a similar taste in balding, fat detective types. There isn't a lot to say about this one actually. It's good, there's enemies now. Phearson, who I really liked from the series, and Firefly. You're building up subplots and mysteries. I trust you're going to finish them, because they seem both relevant to the plot and also to what you want to say about the whole thing. As ever...character descriptions please...
#5 - I think it's a little heavy on the cliche of 'My hands are covered in the blood of the innocents?!' thing to start off with. I don't get the feeling that Mitchell would go down that route. He'd be mad, and he'd be guilty but...invisible bloody hands is a bit cliched. Can I just say....Turpin is the man and you clearly enjoy writing him. More Turpin, please. Infact - Turpin on-going. He's the best bit of the issue, along with Phearson basically being the best villain ever - none of the others can sort of match this. Questions though - if it was a council thing, or the mayor was going to be on the boat...why didn't the security team sweep for stuff like this? A white box, I guess is fairly no descript.
Anyway, disagree that it lacks focus. I enjoyed this series a lot - looking forward to issue 6!
Cheers
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Post by jackalope on Mar 17, 2013 2:04:13 GMT -5
Thanks bkole for the thorough review. There's alot of things you comment on that I'm really happy you picked up. Thanks others too. It's always nice to to know your work is being read, really appreciate it.
Just posted up issue #6, it's a part 1.There's a Superman reference that I thought about taking out (we had a pretty big crossover planned) but lucky we hadn't got to far in, I can just roll with it. Anyway- lots of talk and set up. Let me know what you think.
-j
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 17, 2013 23:09:05 GMT -5
Very well done issue. The interview scene was very subtle, almost like a chess match. And the girl was creepy, like all little girls are in movies and tv shows.
Keep em coming.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2013 14:04:28 GMT -5
I really enjoyed the semi-religious implications and fore-shadowing in the latest issue. In fact, I really like that you're building up a kind of supporting cast of other powered individuals. One of the things I enjoyed about the Ex Machina comics was the constant building of the mythology through flashbacks or through little set pieces here and there - Phearson was my absolute favorite character as well, so that really helps.
Looking forward to seeing more, and also seeing Birds as Weapons!
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Post by jackalope on Apr 14, 2013 7:35:48 GMT -5
Thanks SD and Bkole for the reviews.
Part 2 of 3 is out. Read. Enjoy. Whatever.
Hope you enjoy.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Apr 14, 2013 20:12:55 GMT -5
Very good issue, possibly one of the best ones on the site. I like how you managed to show the massive scale and severity of the attack without just going off into exposition, and as always Turpin is great. the only possible criticism I can think of is that during the taxi scene, there was a bit of past tense which should have been present:
"Every few seconds another pigeon would dive bombs one of the windows, all of which wore cracks."
"he navigated the Metropolis roads covered with fleeing people"
"The lines were obviously strained and were cutting in and out."
Aside from that, spectacular.
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Post by Stardrifter on Apr 15, 2013 12:51:58 GMT -5
Very well done. Nice cast of characters you're building. The only thing I could say is that some of your sentences weren't complete, which jarred me a bit. And the PG reference, while I know is about the upcoming Action Comics title, felt out of place. Minor complaints.
Otherwise it was great. Keep em coming.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2013 4:30:27 GMT -5
Right, well, we all know what we're getting into when we read Ex-Machina now. And I'm bloody pleased, because that horrible introductory bit is out the way and we can get some of Jacks wit in there, like this little gem - "Never under-estimate a taxi-driver to take bio-terrorism in his stride."
What really works in this title is not the politik of it all, but actually, the disparate characters who all work so well together. Phearson has said about six words and is already a better baddie than some of the DC big leagues out there (Looking at you Joker.)
The collective cast, from Brabury, who got to say something and be badass this time. We get some great character moments from Turpin, Matty and also Mitchell, who shows more of an aptitude for making crazy cubes of power in this version - which I like a lot.
Over all, I think it was a great issue. I read it quickly, so I think I might have auto-filled in some of the incomplete sentences Star is talking about, but otherwise, it was great. Looking forward to the showdown!
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on May 6, 2013 0:54:37 GMT -5
Once again coming in late and since my main complaint about five was how Mitchell saved the boat... you covered it. But it should have been covered inside the issue.
You're doing three things very well with this series: character dynamics, politics, and keeping your issues the right amount of length.
For issue six... The girl is freaking creepy and the ending was lackluster. Ending on a cliffhanger is always a risk. That cliffhanger was "Oh god... birds." Nothing dangerous just strange and out of place. And while I said you give the right amount of length above, there are definite parts that would be better for you to expand on. That ending was one of them. Even just an emotional reaction from Hundred would have been better than what you had.
In the words of a great man...
"Suit up."
A decent Livewire scene and great Ultimatization of her.
Someone is stealing my mad-rhyming skills.
---
*cracks fingers* Now time to take off the kiddy gloves.
Okay... nevermind. What was here is best left for PM.
Issues 5-7
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Post by jackalope on Jun 6, 2013 9:10:30 GMT -5
OK it's up. Part 3 is finished and I can finally move out of March. That took me way longer than I hoped. I felt like a lot happened. I hope you enjoyed it. It's late so there is a good chance some of the grammar is off.
I warned you about the Ides of March bro!
In other news, in a fit of retromancy (also known as retconning) I have changed a few things. In #6 I mentioned Superman was going to be awarded the key to the city- this has changed to a more generic Firefighter Captain. And in #7 I changed the mention of Powergirl, to that of Superman, leaving her out of my continuity.
As always, thanks for your reviews and comments.
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Post by liquidsword34 on Jun 6, 2013 19:30:18 GMT -5
It's late so there is a good chance some of the grammar is off. I only noticed one, maybe two errors, so don't worry about it. I enjoyed the way Hundred thought about Jack, how it was almost in comic book terms and seemed to show him moving from being a silver-agey super hero where Jack wasn't actually hurting people to a politician where things are more real, punctuated with Hundred's reaction to what he did. It all worked really well.
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Post by Stardrifter on Jun 8, 2013 13:54:24 GMT -5
Very good issue. The fight was well done, the tension, and the conclusion. If I had any complaints, I would have liked to learn more about Pherson. And the cliffhanger ending. I feel like maybe we needed a moment to pause and reflect before jumping into the next bit with a cliffhanger.
Otherwise it was great. Keep em coming.
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Post by unchartedfan1 on Jun 9, 2013 12:52:03 GMT -5
SO I just caught up. Where I already knew parts of the story, I really like what you're doing. Your writing style is definitely good and the voice for your characters is well defined. I really look forward to what's going to happen after Issue #8. Nice cliffhanger, btw. For your first 8 issues as a whole, 9/10. Keep 'em coming.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Jun 10, 2013 14:20:26 GMT -5
Okay, caught up now. I very much enjoy this arc from beginning to end. It was all simply great. I can't wait for the next issue! 9/10 for the whole arc.
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