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Post by Stardrifter on Jul 26, 2013 19:59:22 GMT -5
A lot to read at once. Not bad. I'll admit that I'm not loving it, but that's more to do with the style not being my thing and nothing you're doing wrong. If you want me to go into more detail I will, but it's personal preference and nothin I want to just harp on you about. I'm glad you finally got us past the wedding so the story can hopefully pick up a bit.
Keep em coming.
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Post by jackalope on Aug 15, 2013 5:33:41 GMT -5
A late start but, better late and all that..
Just read #1 and really enjoyed it. A nice introduction to the characters, your take on the whole Dinah/Ollie relationship is very sweet. It seems strange (not in a bad way) that Roy is there from the beginning... and some sort of P.A.? Anyway the only thing I noticed mistake wise was that Ollie eats some imitation crap-stcks, which I'm assuming is crab but maybe they're just crap in which case it's fine. Will read and review more.
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Post by Stardrifter on Aug 20, 2013 10:48:05 GMT -5
Not a bad issue. Felt a bit long but not by much. The conflicts really helped to move things along.
Some minor gripes. The radio messages weren't formatted in any way, not even with quotation marks, which made them confusing at first. When Adrien called Roy and when Rose pulled up to the house.
I also noticed a tendency to repeat the same words and phrases a lot in the same paragraph. As an example, your opening paragraph...
Dinah stood in front of a large world map with a box of pins next to her Next to her Mia smiled waiting for the next question.
It happened in some other places too. It's not game breaking, but it took me out of the story's flow at times because it stands out. Just something to consider watching.
Otherwise good issue. You captured the teams fear and paranoia well. I like that Dinah is still dealing with her wound and isn't just suddenly better like many heroes in fiction would be, glossing over the recovery time.
I know Ollie and Dinah are the main focus, but I'd really like to see more of Roy and Jade. Maybe a side story about one of their adventures or something. As a reader, their dynamic is a bit more interesting to me and yet a little underdeveloped so far. I know team books can be a juggling act, but that's what I would like to see more of.
Keep em coming.
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Post by adrini on Sept 30, 2013 21:29:37 GMT -5
Two more issues up. The saga continues!
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Post by Drake on Dec 12, 2013 21:26:44 GMT -5
I really need to read this. You've got so many issues up, and you certainly put them out quickly! Plus, it ties into 'Haven...kind of. Anyway, I'll get to this and BoP later this weekend. Sorry I didn't read it sooner. The first two issues bored me the first time through, but I look forward to seeing how the title has changed. I'm certain I'll enjoy it this time around.
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Post by adrini on Dec 13, 2013 0:13:05 GMT -5
It's getting into haven now, just mentions leading up.
There are a lot of issues, the shorts are personal interest peices. Flesh out characters and relationships that might not get covered as much in the main line.
Also, before it's mentioned, I'm having the reader find out the bad guys as team arrow does.
But there's a lot, take your time.
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Post by Drake on Dec 15, 2013 12:34:37 GMT -5
Quick question: why is it that Ollie and the others decided to be heroes? I must have missed something because it just seemed random and misplaced.
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Post by adrini on Dec 15, 2013 13:24:46 GMT -5
So far it's inbetween, more of an as needed basis. They needed to to rescue Mia for legal deniability. A few of the SC finest got hurt going after drug bases so they helped out there. More recently Merlyn has chosen them as his enemy of choice, so they've had to make appearances to deal with that.
By the end of the second arc they will be forced to become full fledged heros, but it's been a process. Also something they wanted to avoid. It was meant to be back pocket at most.
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Post by Drake on Dec 15, 2013 13:31:54 GMT -5
OK. Thanks for replying so quickly!
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Post by Drake on Dec 16, 2013 19:53:12 GMT -5
I've read through vol. 1 issue 7 and I thought I'd put up my general thoughts on the series as of 1-7. First off, your characterization is good. Each character comes off as a very different person. Some of the "Family's" interaction is quite cute and entertaining, but a lot of the time it comes off as a bit too perfect. This brings me to my first critique.
At least as of 1-7, the family is too happy. All of the characters love each other too much. They're all too good people, which is why after only a single issue, Mia is by far my favorite character. She isn't perfect. Mia's a bit crazy. She's gone through s***. Back to the point at hand, there isn't really any drama within the family. It makes their love seem superficial. No family is perfect, but it's through this imperfection that true bonds form and real love is felt.
Lastly, I've got a question for you. Obviously the Arrow Clan is attacking the compound to free Mia, but before that...why were they there? I felt like that was skipped over or rushed through in the previous chapter(s).
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Post by adrini on Dec 17, 2013 18:11:51 GMT -5
There is imperfection, but I hid it too long it seems. I'll remember that.
Just so you know I've come to the realization that arc 1 was for me to get in my head who was who. You can start with arc 2.
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Post by Drake on Dec 17, 2013 19:29:50 GMT -5
OK, fair enough. I'll start arc 2 now.
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Post by Drake on Dec 28, 2013 23:42:15 GMT -5
Finished what you've put up of arc 2. It's better, still a little slow, but better.
I enjoyed your last issue (2.6), and I believe it's your most entertaining issue yet. There was action, and plenty of it. There was your usual solid characterization. Lastly, there was a reveal, something that raises the stakes a little and brings everything together.
However, my standard not enough drama within the family, story moving too slow gripes stay.
7.5/10
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Post by adrini on Jan 27, 2014 3:08:58 GMT -5
But more on topic, if you liked the action is 2.6, keep reading. It's up to 2.9 now and only better.
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Post by Drake on Feb 6, 2014 9:23:29 GMT -5
2.7 and 2.8 were really good, but 2.9 and 2.10 frankly bored me. A lot of the momentum you had going was lost. The plot's moving too slowly and the characters don't seem to truly feel the weight of the situation they're in. I think if you focused a little less on the babies and the pregnancies and a little more on the actual plot progression then the story would pick up a lot. Really, the only part of these two issues that excited me was the end of 10, because more Deathstroke is always a good thing, and the possibilities for the teens (who, other than Mia, are the weakest links) as far as superheroing goes is really intriguing. At this point, we know the characters. You've explored them fantastically! But I think it's time for you to focus a little less on what's going right with the family and a little more on what's going wrong with the outside world.
7/10 in total for those 4 issues.
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Post by adrini on Mar 17, 2014 12:49:10 GMT -5
Arc 2 ch. 11 up. Explosions on the way.
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Post by adrini on Mar 21, 2014 17:58:10 GMT -5
Up dating character and location profiles for reference and crossover purposes.
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Post by Drake on May 12, 2014 17:28:35 GMT -5
This was a nice little chapter. Not much happened, but it was good to see that Robbie survived.
I'm a little disappointed I didn't get a co-writer nod. For anyone curious, I wrote the Batwing POV section near the end.
7/10
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Post by adrini on May 13, 2014 21:54:24 GMT -5
I'll fix that right away. So sorry.
It was too short, but I hit a sudden deadline. Better next time.
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Post by adrini on May 13, 2014 22:03:41 GMT -5
Fixed! Thank you so much for helping!
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