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Post by adrini on Feb 21, 2013 14:16:15 GMT -5
Reviews for the Green Arrow title. Attachments:
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Post by adrini on Feb 22, 2013 16:08:27 GMT -5
First chapter in beta. Second chapter in progress.
What are these "secret files"?
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 22, 2013 17:12:20 GMT -5
First chapter in beta. Second chapter in progress. What are these "secret files"? They're usually a thread devoted to character pictures/bios, etcetera. Completely optional but if you want one, just ask a mod in the Non-Claim Request thread. Haven't gotten to reading it today, will probably do so tonight.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 23, 2013 5:31:03 GMT -5
Yeah. They're just sub-boards with compiled info for your series and characters. Some people call them Secret Files. Others make an in universe reference to the board for a little personality (and/or humor in my case).
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Post by adrini on Feb 23, 2013 13:10:55 GMT -5
I'll have to look into that. It's not a bad idea.
Title: Quiver of HopeSubtitle: When all the safeguards fail Hero(es): Oliver Queen (Green Arrow), Dinah Lance (Black Canary), Roy Harper (Speedy I), Arrowettes, Shado Villains: John Deleon, Deathstroke, Merlyn, Albert Davis Support: Master Jansen, Mia Wallpaper:Queen Industries, Star City, Green Arrow Industries, Sin, John Diggle, Brave Bow, Thea Queen (Speedy II), Adrien Rivers, Jax,
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Post by adrini on Feb 27, 2013 21:20:09 GMT -5
First chapter is up! It is mostly talk to build a foundation. Next chapter the action begins.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Feb 27, 2013 21:21:49 GMT -5
THIS IS THE GREATEST STORY EVER, AND I AM COMPLETELY UNBIASED IN MY REVIEW OF WHAT IS CLEARLY THE BEST GREEN ARROW BY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AUTHOR IN TH--
*gets lassoed*
Yeah, totally too biased to do a review of my wife's story.
<3
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 27, 2013 21:51:00 GMT -5
Since I did some light editing for it, I'll go with... The characters and dialogue were on par. The scenery and personality you gave your story was evident in the prose. I especially liked the food segments. But for nearly 6000 words, it was far too boring. The segments were static between bouts of dialogue. I'd have personally broken it up into two issues at least or have broken it up into two issues with extra scenes dedicated to action.
For a moment there, I thought Ollie and Dinah were going to pull a Brangilina with the "adoptee" remark.
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Post by adrini on Feb 27, 2013 22:21:45 GMT -5
I would never sully the Queen family with such a thing. Though I do have to admit that Oliver adopts of of people in his history, so it wouldn't be entirely out of place. I knew it would be dialogue heavy, the world he comes from does not lend itself to action right off. This is the only chapter without conflict.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 27, 2013 22:24:53 GMT -5
Technically, that's what Sin is too...
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Post by adrini on Feb 28, 2013 12:41:38 GMT -5
Along with Mia and some others, you could even make the case for Roy in you wanted to. Man really wants a family.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Feb 28, 2013 14:52:34 GMT -5
Along with Mia and some others, you could even make the case for Roy in you wanted to. Man really wants a family. I meant more along the lines of Sin being from some random third world country.
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Post by Drake on Mar 1, 2013 18:03:35 GMT -5
I agree with Wachter on all counts. Grammatically it was very well done, but it was quite boring. And very long for such a slow chapter. 7/10. That's being a little bit generous. It got a bit tough to read about halfway through, with not much happening.
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Post by Stardrifter on Mar 1, 2013 21:10:52 GMT -5
I'm commenting now, about halfway through, to make a point. I wouldn't normally comment before finishing the issue, bu I had to stop because its so dull. It's not badly done as far as writing goes, but goddamn it's a slog. So far, besides that, I'd like to add that it seems unfinished. You left what I assume is notes to yourself in it. One to describe a character and second to rephrase something.
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Post by adrini on Mar 1, 2013 21:33:14 GMT -5
I hate that but I was aware of it. My beta reader never got back to me. I am looking for a new one.
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Post by adrini on Mar 1, 2013 23:15:52 GMT -5
I'm working on a 1.2 that keep development, fixes obvious problems and moves more quickly. I was told it might need to be approved, just let me know.
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Post by DiscipleofBob on Mar 2, 2013 1:00:17 GMT -5
I'm commenting now, about halfway through, to make a point. I wouldn't normally comment before finishing the issue, bu I had to stop because its so dull. It's not badly done as far as writing goes, but goddamn it's a slog. So far, besides that, I'd like to add that it seems unfinished. You left what I assume is notes to yourself in it. One to describe a character and second to rephrase something. It's weird because the draft I read didn't have any of those notes in it. So I'm wondering if they were somehow added during the editing process? And, once again I recognize my bias, but to me while the chapter is a little long (I have no right to complain there), and there are some extraneous details, the first chapter is to establish the character. In my case, the character in question was a hotheaded warrior woman. In Green Arrow's case, it was a corporate humanitarian billionaire. The chapter also tried to introduce the entire Queen family (figuratively and literally) quickly in the first chapter while simultaneously developing their characters so they aren't rushed. It doesn't always work, but the alternatives are either rushing everyone's intro, which is much worse, or waiting until later chapters to introduce new characters, which can severely limit plotlines.
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Post by The Wonderful Wachter on Mar 2, 2013 1:25:06 GMT -5
Haha. I noticed them. I just thought that was things she was going to fix before posting and haven't actually checked on the posted issue.
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Post by buck on Mar 2, 2013 4:33:02 GMT -5
Poor Ollie and his imitation crap leg couldn't even be the real thing.
Other then the editing that has been mentioned I enjoyed the issue. It was slow but in a way that developed the characters thoroughly. I do hope that we see more action soon.
Solid start keep them rolling.
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Post by Ultimate Silentking on Mar 3, 2013 11:42:23 GMT -5
I enjoyed it well enough. I wasn't bored by it, but I admit that it was a little slow. I am not sure about what else to add so I will just give you your score now. 7/10. By the way, we won't have to wait long for Ollie to start adventuring as Green Arrow, right?
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